Two polar opposite headlines came from my two former denominations this week:
- United Methodist Church: Celebrating 70 years of women ordination
- Southern Baptist Convention: Strengthen Constitutional ban on women pastors
Growing up Southern Baptist, I can’t recall ever being explicitly told that women couldn’t do ministry. That is, until I experienced a call to ministry at 16 years old.
As people were affirming my call, it occurred to me that I had never seen a woman in that role. When I asked about it, I was met with a casual, “Oh yeah, I guess you’re right.”
I was discouraged, but I wasn’t completely done with the idea.
I went to a Southern Baptist university to study ministry and theology. While it was a liberal arts university and therefore required to teach different perspectives, it was the first time I was told that I must believe certain things. And there seemed to be a must for every issue.
There weren’t many other women in the College of Ministry and Theology. Most of the women who were there were preparing to be children’s ministers, missionaries, or, frankly, to meet their future husbands. The few of us considering youth ministry constantly doubted ourselves. We were told we’d make good youth pastor spouses.
I recently found a journal entry from this time where, after two years in school, I started charting out my future paths. I’d come to the conclusion that I’m just going to have to volunteer in a youth group, that my degree would be completely useless because I would need to find something else to do.
But I was resilient.
I found a youth pastor position at a Southern Baptist church in town, becoming the first women youth pastor I’d ever met. I started an organization for women majoring in ministry and theology called “Redford Ladies.” I became known as the campus liberal because I listened to hip-hop and was a woman serving as a youth pastor in town.
After graduating, I began looking for another role in the SBC. But nobody would hire me. I found a journal entry where I detailed how I found my dream church, but they wanted me to be the children’s minister instead. They were ready to hire me, but they wanted me to change my résumé’s personal mission statement to say that I feel called to children’s ministry, because women cannot be called to youth ministry.
So I quit the SBC.
I came over to the Methodist Church, where I felt affirmed in my call as a woman. I started Women in Youth Ministry so that nobody would ever have to go through what I went through.
Years after I left the SBC, the debate followed me.
One of my study buddies, along with a group of other men I had classes with caused an uprising within my former university. They submitted a letter that resulting in the firing and resignation of several professors as well as an accreditation probation for the university. One of the listed issues was women in ministry. I remember reaching out to him and he told me he thought I knew I was going to hell.
I share all of this because I know there are women wondering whether they should stay in the Southern Baptist Convention or leave. (Well, to be honest I shared that last story because it’s a juicy piece of lore I don’t talk about enough when it comes to my call story).
Sometimes we are called to stay because we believe we can help create change.
Sometimes we are called to leave because we need safety, health, and space to live into our calling.
It’s easy for me to tell you that the grass is greener on the other side.
The truth is more complicated.
Leaving means sorting through everything you believe. As someone who has changed denominations more than once and spent years wrestling with theology, I know that’s hard work.
When I got married, my former spouse and I had people sign a Bible as our wedding guestbook next to their favorite verse.
My grandfather, who was my father figure, chose Ecclesiastes,
“For everything, there is a season…
A time to born, a time to die…
A time to grieve, a time to dance…
A time to mourn, and a time to rejoice…
A time to gather stones, and a time to scatter stones…
A time to tear, and a time to mend…”
He wrote “…you will face all of these. Give the proper time to each, but no more.”
That advice stayed with me.
Those words guided me through difficult decisions, including leaving denominations, ministries, and relationships that no longer fit who God was calling me to be.
A time to leave, and a time to stay.
In ministry, there are times to stay and times to leave.
Neither decision is simple.
I’ve stayed in ministries long after I thought I couldn’t bear it. I’ve also left ministries simply because I finally realized I was allowed to say no.
Deep down, you’ll know when it’s time.
The other day, I received a text from a young adult who attended one of the many United Methodist Annual Conferences celebrating 70 years of women’s ordination.
Because 16-year-old Heather decided to pursue ministry in the Southern Baptist Church, and because 20-year-old Heather chose to stay, young people today got to hear about Christ’s love.
And even though 23-year-old Heather became Methodist, and 33-year-old Heather became Episcopalian, the foundation was built during those years when I stayed.
In your gut, you’ll know the answer – whether it’s leaving a denomination, a job, a relationship, or a project.
But, as my grandfather said, “give the proper time to each, no more.” As someone who’s given more…well. Just listen to Dennis.
Heather Lea Campbell 