I’ve posted that I will be moving back to St. Louis in 2 months. Yes, Two months and 3 days from today, I will graduate college. I’m thrilled to move on into the next stage of life! I am frightened about moving back to St. Louis.
Moving back to St. Louis is almost worse than moving to a place where nobody knows me. The person who everybody thinks they know is a close copy of me, but is a completely different person than who I am now. They know the Heather who was in high school–who desired to follow Christ but didn’t know how. Who went out and partied to fill the gaps that remained. Who was rude and had an anger problem. Who couldn’t orate why she believed the things she did.
Then there’s the Heather they may be Facebook friends with. Have you ever known somebody better on Facebook or Twitter than you did in real life? You might really like them online; like all their statuses, retweet their links, and even have conversations with them. But then you meet them in person, and it’s kind of nerve-wracking. What am I to expect from this person? What will face-to-face interaction even be like? It’s a very strange notion that we even have these type of relationships, but such is our culture. I’m afraid that my old friends might have painted a picture of me, but might not understand the full me or even may be disappointed with who I really am.
As I mentioned the other day, I have some mending to do with friendships. And how does that work, exactly? I know that the way I operate relationships has changed drastically. The way I love people is completely different than the way I “loved” people in high school. My desires are completely different. I find no desire in things that I used to.
So basically…I’m starting from scratch, building new relationships with people (even if I previously knew them), yet there’s this evil twin of mine that they know that’s impairing their judgement of who I am. Snap crackle pop. I just can’t seem to win right now!
Although, the idea of starting from scratch is refreshing. I know there’s much work to do.