Some more vulnerability.

Sometimes I wonder what to post on this blog, because most of the people who read it are in ministry, and I know that I get irritated with some of the blogs I follow when they post things that aren’t directly-related to ministry.  Most of the time I post about things in ministry that I am learning, or general life lessons as a result of things that I struggle with.  I guess I write this junk because I wish to read it more–life in ministry is not easy.  Life in general is not easy.  So I guess I wrote that paragraph to say, I am going to continue being vulnerable in my blog.  That is who I am.

A big problem that I have with my personality  is my sarcasm. When situations are tough, uncomfortable, and uneasy, I get sarcastic.  I make jokes.  I don’t mean to.  It’s how I deal.  I once heard that when we as humans are faced with an issue, we have to possible responses–laugh or cry.  For me, crying takes so much energy, especially when you are dealing with a tough situation and are in the spotlight.  It takes too much energy to focus on how crappy life is, to dwell on hurt, and to cry.  So I laugh.  I shake my head, chuckle at humanity, and move on.

In high school, I would tell my friends the things that I was struggling with, and they would ask me how I could possibly laugh through those situations.  I’d choke back tears and respond, “What else can I do?”  Nobody wants to be around a person who is sad all the time, even if they have “just reasons.”

Now that I work with teenagers a million and five hours a week, I have literally seen it all.  I work at a girls’ shelter full of girls who are highly medicated for anything you could ever think of.  I have had to learn to laugh at situations instead of stress myself out.

But there’s a line I need to draw.  I’m right in that when there’s a situation going on, I need to not stress myself out more than I need to.  I should learn to laugh at some of the things thrown my way.  I deal with stress really well this way; it’s my “coping skill” as we would say at the shelter.

The line I have to avoid is when I offend people.  I can chuckle at life, but I should not make jokes about it to the people involved.  I should be more aware of others.  Not everyone can handle my humor.  Especially teenagers (and especially the ones I work with at the shelter who are of lower social and mental functioning), who cannot comprehend sarcasm or most “adult humor”.

I am a work in progress. Dang, it’s so frustrating sometimes.  I’m reading two books right now on the role and personhood of the Holy Spirit.  I so wish He could take over my body, so I wouldn’t act like such an idiot all the time.  I am going to be actively seeking to change the way I use sarcasm to deal so that I do not offend others, so please pray for me.

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