youth ministry

On Tweens Theologizing the Plagues

junior high ministry, youth ministry

Yesterday we talked about the Plagues with our 5th & 6th graders. We did it interactively, where our adults leaders were the Pharaoh and Egyptians, and our students acted out the plagues. After we covered our leaders in stickers, silly string, and killed all of their livestock and firstborns, we sat down to talk about it.

In my last post, I talked about scary stories. It can be hard to see God in the Bible stories that we read–how can God, a God of love and grace, send these plagues on people?

I explained first that our actions have consequences–when I was in first grade, I kept forgetting to turn my bedroom light off before I left the room. So my mother, being a creative consequencer, took away my light-bulb for a week. You could say that I had the plague of darkness.

Although that consequence may seem extreme, it was an appropriate and direct consequence for what I did. When I worked in a group home, I did the same thing: If you were late from curfew, you had that amount of time deducted the next day. If you get an F, you have to do an extra hour of studying each day per class with an F. These are direct, natural consequences.

The same happened with Pharaoh and they Egyptians: Each plague symbolized something that they idolized and put before God.

But this story isn’t about the plagues: It’s about God protecting the Israelites.

The Israelites weren’t perfect, but they did seek to honor God. So God protected them.  God went out of his way to protect them, and that’s the point of the story when talking with this age group.

So on one hand, we have a God that gives consequences when your heart is hardened and unwilling to acknowledge and turn away from your sins. God gave Pharaoh many chances. But on the other hand, when your heart recognizes when you’ve done wrong and you desire God first and foremost, he goes out of his way to protect you. God proved this through all of Exodus and again on the cross.

Our fifth and sixth graders interacted with the story in ways I couldn’t even begin to predict. They asked the hard questions:

  • If God sent plagues, then what is the difference between Him and Pharaoh?
  • What if Pharaoh had no other option but to keep the Israelites? What if, in the back of his mind, he was thinking about what he was going to lose if he let them go? I mean, I know slavery is bad and all, but if they left then who was going to do all of their work?
  • What if Pharaoh wasn’t the bad guy? What if he had a lot of people telling him what to do, and so he just did what they said?
  • Why would God hurt all of the Egyptians and save all of the Israelites? What if there were some good Egyptians? What if there were some bad Israelites?
  • How do we know that the Bible has the whole story in it?
  • How do we know the Bible is true?

We affirmed their questions and told them we had the same. We also let them give their own answers.

Some of the things they came up with blew me away:

  • In ancient cultures, they worshiped everything and had an idol for everything. So by doing so many different kinds of plagues, God was showing he had power over everything.
  • Maybe God hardened Pharaoh’s heart because He knew Pharaoh wasn’t going to budge. So He hardened it so Pharaoh would go, “All right–GO!”
  • This is what faith means: trusting even when you don’t understand.
  • The story is bigger than what we read.

I love tweens because they aren’t afraid to ask the hard questions. Unlike older students and adults, they won’t not ask questions because they’re afraid of what other people will think of them. They are unashamed and will shout it out because they feel like they have this urgent need to know.

At the National Youth Worker’s Convention of 2013, one speaker said, “Teens are natural theologians. . . adults often have this natural gift socialized out of them.”

I’m so blessed to be in a field where I theologize with tweens.

Oh, and PS, after all those hard conversations, a new student says, “Wait, I have a question! …What is livestock?”

Stay humbled, my friends.

Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Providing Perfection to Students

girls ministry, junior high ministry, youth ministry

During our Local Missions Trip, some of my precious junior high girls and I somehow found ourselves chilling in my office (how we fit so many of us in there kills me–we must have really been trying to escape those boys!).  We were playing board games, when one of them found my memory box. I was going through it, sharing funny stories about  the moments from past churches.

One of the girls then asked me, “Are you going to be here very long?”

Dang.

Youth pastors in general have a problem with not sticking around very long. Add in the Millennial factor, and we’re flightier than migrating geese.  Our students in my church have especially been victims of youth leaders who were only around 2-3 years, with exception of our head director.

I don’t want to be one of those people who leaves when things get tough–and I’ve certainly had a boot camp in my first 8 months here! I want to remember, when I’m burned out from mission trips and kickoffs and spending so much time away from my one-eyed cat, that the reason I do this is to give my precious students some sort of consistency in their life. I may not be perfect, but what I can provide for them is exactly what they need.

So then, my girls and I sprinkled wish dust and painted our nails. And then played “Fodgeball” with the boys, fog machines, and strobe lights. A perfect night in junior high ministry.

What can you do to make sure that you stick with it? What can your church do?

Stop Sharing Your Stories With Your Students!

youth ministry

I’ve got to be honest–I’ve never been a cool kid. I’m okay with that.

And because of that fact, I’ve struggled to gain rapport with students.  This is why I love Junior High students–for the most part, they think that I’m cool just because I’m hanging out with them. We play games, we eat pizza, and we are best friends. High school is much more difficult.

I used to think that I just had to force rapport–I’d:

  • Tell them they can “ask five questions they want about me”–but it usually ends up in an awkard conversation about my lack of a love life, or an even more awkward reveal about my crazy family.
  • Go ahead and “share my testimony” with them so they know up-front about my crazy family.  But this actually has created walls.  My life is pretty unique, and unless I’m talking to a certain group of students, all it says to students is “I come from a completely different background than you.”  I received feedback in my internship four years ago this from the group of suburban high school girls I worked with. They felt like they couldn’t relate to me off the back.
  • Interrupt a conversation to share a random story about my sister, my cat, my first car, my high school days, etc.

And so I’ve realized something…

Students don’t care about my life.

Now, that isn’t completely true.  But there’s one important truth:

Students care when I care about their life.

Want to build rapport? Quit talking about your embarrassing high school moments out of the blue. Ask them questions!  Ask them about their family, their school, and more! Learn to be more of a by-standard and absorb conversations, and when there’s a natural moment, ask a question that opens the floor and creates rapport.

Here’s an example–on our mission trip, someone brought up a scar story or something like that, so a leader asked: What is the stupidest way you’ve ever gotten injured? Soon, students are laughing and sharing their stories with one another. Then I get to share how I once sucked a cup to my face so hard, it wouldn’t come off…and when it did, I had a huge circle bruise. Yes, I essentially gave myself a hickey gotee around my mouth.  But had I been like, “Guess what guys? One time…” they would have laughed and gone “Wow she’s weird for sharing that out of the blue” and then Snapchatted to their friends about the weirdo adults on their trip.

It’s kind of like that basic dating rule (you know, since I’m such a guru): Listen more than you talk. If you talk too much about yourself, then that person is going to think that you only care about yourself.  Teenagers want to talk about themselves to people who want to listen.

#SelfieSunday Scavenger Hunt

games, Resources, youth ministry

We played a game yesterday that was OFF THE CHARTS FUN.

#SelfieSunday Scavenger Hunt

The vibe: We didn’t have normal programming in our youth Lodge, but because we already graduated 5th grade to the Lodge, and they did have programming, we decided they could have The Lodge all to themselves. Since it was their 3rd week in, the leaders thought a scavenger hunt would be awesome. Well, if you know me, then you know I’m not just gonna hand a kid a checklist.

The directions:  

  1. I asked students with Instagram and their cell phones on them (I ended up letting a group use mine……whoops) to be group leaders. I told them to take their accounts off private just for a little while.
  2. I counted off the group to split off. We had about 20 5th graders, so we had 5 groups. Having more than 4 or 5 per group makes cramped selfies.
  3. I told them to come up with a group name and use it in every photo that they hashtag, as well as “selfiesundayJH.”
  4. Then I gave them a list of selfies to make and 20 minutes. The energy was WILD.
  5. On the screen I had InstafeedLive. Every time they used our hashtag, the photo would show up on the screen. Again, accounts need to be off private in order for this to work.
  6. When they came back, they looked at the pictures on the screen while I counted up the votes. Honestly, they loved looking at them so I could take my time. #TeamSwagalicious won.

The List of Selfies: Here’s my list!

Because the purpose was to introduce them to The Lodge and let them truly own it for a day, I put some Lodge-specific activities on there. I also put some things for them to “find,” like my St. Louis Cardinals hat that a volunteer was wearing the entire time.

I also let them venture out slightly into the parking lot–a selfie by the Basketball hoop, a selfie in the Recycling Dumpster, a yellow car that they couldn’t find because apparently the people at my church don’t drive those, and more!

Then there’s the “generic selfies”–the photobomb (“sneak selfie”), hair mustaches, a stranger, and of course a most creative selfie.

If you did this with older students or had more time, you could have adults drive them and do fun selfies off-campus. Because of the vibe I was trying to create, I wanted to keep them close.

The product: Amazingness. Our adult leaders were obsessed. Our students were excited. Even when selfies weren’t coming on the screen “fast enough,” they were still eating it up. I received an email from a parent saying it was the best part of her daughter’s day (Happy Mother’s Day!). Kids were commenting on the students’ photos asking what “JH” stood for (one asked if it meant “just hanging”–to which I responded that they could “just hang” with us ANYTIME. I may have embarrassed my student). It was a fun vibe and the students couldn’t stop talking about it. I got approximately 23048 hugs before they left.

Basically–DO IT. IT’S SO MUCH FUN. I CAN’T EVEN.

What #OC14 Taught Me

christianity, junior high ministry, leadership, lgbtq, Ministry, youth ministry

I went to Orange for the first time last week, making that my third ministry conference experience in the last 14 months! Here comes Middle School Campference this fall! :)

Here is the 900-word summary of what I learned:

Youth Ministry is about the Family.

Doug Fields said, “You may be a children’s or youth worker, but you’re also doing marriage ministry.”

Let’s get real: Programs compete with the family. My junior high Sunday nights do nothing to serve the family; it just takes students away from their one family night. If I care about my students, then I care about the time they spend with their families; therefore I need to make sure they get as much time there as possible.

When there’s an issue in the church, we try to answer it with programs.  Heather Zempel said, “Programs to not disciple people. People disciple people.”  She also said, “Instead of finding people to serve structures, find structures that serve people.”

In Reggie Joiner’s breakout, he gave two pointers for ministers in their 20s that I keep thinking about. The first is applicable here: Be intentional about keeping things simple. Yearly decide what to stop in order to do other things better. That doesn’t mean to just get rid of something that’s not working. True leadership comes when you prune strong stuff to make the weak show its potential.

Tension is GOOD.

Reggie gave a message that made my SBC brain officially reconcile with my new UMC ministry.

There are all of these tensions: “I believe that the Bible is God’s word and authoritative” no longer has to compete with “This person needs love.” Reggie Joiner said (something like), “If your beliefs are hurting people, then it is time to reevaluate your beliefs.” He also said, “Kids should feel safe enough to process their doubt so they can own their faith.”

Truth no longer competes with Grace. The Church no longer has to compete with the World. Faith no longer has to compete with Doubt. They can work together, constantly be in tension with one another, and that’s beautiful. You can know God with all your heart, and he can still be a huge mystery. You no longer have to pick one or another; there is no sacrifice in living with tension.

“Say yes to beliefs that matter. Say yes to people who matter more.“

“Say yes to the uncomfortable moments to see lives changed.”

Volunteers need to be owners, not renters.

Reggie Joiner said in a breakout that one of the keys to having a ministry that disciples kids instead of babysitting them is having weekly volunteers who are invested. Having rotating volunteers does nothing for ministry. He said, “You may be teaching kids truth each week with a different leader, but you’re not discipling them.”  He also pointed out that leaders may not understand the need to be there each week because they don’t understand the importance. He said, “People don’t commit to weekly because we haven’t invited them to commit to something significant.”  Our family pastor who was with us, David Williamson, added in our staff discussion: “Are you asking for less of a commitment from volunteers than you expect from attending families?” Brilliant. So brilliant. I plan to blog about this in abundance.

Sue Miller then used an analogy in her breakout about how volunteers need to be owners, and not renters. Owners see a problem in their home and they fix it. Renters call the landlord and expect them to fix it.  We have to convince our volunteers to commit to and sign the mortgage, and be realistic that it may cost them something. They need to learn that it is THEIR house and THEIR ministry…and that they are on a team of people who feel the same. Sue said, “It’s easy to leave a task, but few will leave a family…When volunteers rent, they don’t get deep enough to join a family.”

Jeff Henderson said something that will preach all day, “You will never experience what the church can do for you until you see what the church can do through you.”

We can talk about homosexuality.

Andy Stanley gave the most loving, inclusive talk on same-sex attraction I have ever heard. No matter where your stance is on the subject theologically, it is difficult to argue with Andy on his approach to talking with middle schoolers. Andy said that his church has adopted this statement: “We believe the church should be the safest place to talk about anything, including same-sex attraction.”

Andy reminded us that the answers we give to our kids are the answers that they will have with them for the rest of their lives… Jeff Henderson said that “sometimes ministry gets in the way of ministering.” Sometimes we have to put our personal beliefs on hold to love a kid where they’re at. But especially with junior highers, we don’t need to get into theology. We need to get into Grace. We need to get into Love. And we need to get into the Truth that Jesus loves us right where we’re at. That’ll preach!

One last thought from Jon Acuff: “God will never be handcuffed by the failures nor unleashed by the successes of your ministry.”

And from Mark Batterson: “In an argument with God you need to lose so that you can win.” Because “sometimes God shows up, and sometimes God shows off.”

What did you guys learn at Orange? My head is spinning. :)

Is Your Identity “Youth Ministry?”

identity, youth ministry

When I get together with my friends, I talk about youth ministry the same way they would talk about their spouses, children, or pets.

Let’s be honest: I’m obsessed. When I first drafted this article, the following was true: I get paid to work with at-risk teens for 240 hours a month. I put in at least 40 hours a month as a youth ministry volunteer. Let’s not even get started on the amount of time that I do stuff for YouthMin.Org, ha! Then let’s look at my hobbies: Reading youth ministry blogs. Reading nonfiction books on Theology and Jesus. Listening to Jesus Jams.

MY ENTIRE IDENTITY IS CONSUMED BY MINISTRY.

(sometimes caps are necessary)

I know that I’m not alone.  And let’s be honest, not everyone is endeared by this. First-off, it takes a special person to want to work with teenagers…who wants to listen to stories about working with teenagers?

As I’m beginning in a new position as a full-time youth director and ditching my previous schedule (gone are my part-time youth pastor, full time hero days!), I decided I needed to reevaluate the way that I do ministry. Here are some resolutions I have decided to take among myself in order to regain a personality:

Make some boundaries.

Sabbath. DO IT! Start making time for yourself, for your family, and for rest. Turn your phone off once in a while.  Say “no” to people when you feel overwhelmed. As I begin my new position in a new church, I am making sure I clearly define my “work life” from my “home life” so that I can have A life. That means sometimes I work late on a Thursday night so that I can take full advantage of my Friday and Saturday off.  This way, when I hang out with people, I’m not in the “ministry mode.”

Drop some responsibilities.

I don’t have to be in Super-Heather mode all of the time, saving the world from teenagers.  It is needed to drop some things in order to make some time for other things. Pay attention to the responsibilities that should take precedence–self-care, family, relationships. You may be called to ministry, but you are called to first take care of your health and your family.

Pick up a non-ministry-or-Jesus-or-teenagers-related hobby.

Find something that can in no way be tied back to ministry. Take an art class, dance class, photography class, cooking class, or take up a sport.  Do something with people your own age who aren’t teenagers and who you don’t work with.   If you’re married, hang out with your family; if you’re single, date!  Fun is a must, and I’m not talking about Chubby-Bunny-fun, but being-with-friends-fun.

What are some things that you do to separate your identity from youth ministry? Also…is it really that bad to have youth ministry as your identity?

The First Time

girls ministry, women, youth ministry

Last night I taught at a friend’s church. Something happened that I will never forget.

No, my teaching wasn’t amazing. I was sick, had a crazy busy week, and didn’t bring my A game.

After I taught, I talked to a few of the high school girls. They admitted to me that it was the first time they had heard a woman preach/teach in a room of not just girls.

My first reaction was: What. Whoa.

My second reaction was: This is special. I remember my first time hearing a woman preach. I will never forget it. I even mentioned that to a few of the girls, who told me they’d never forget this either. One of them even said that she was feeling the call to ministry, but had never heard a woman preach or met a woman youth minister.

My third (and the most lingering) reaction was: How crazy that just three years ago, I still was in the same boat. I had never heard a woman preach before, but I was teaching my small youth group out of pure faith that this was something that God had called me to do.

So humbling.

So exciting.

Needless to say, I gave that girl my contact information and encouraged her.  I get emails pretty often from young girls who are struggling with their call, but have no example and somehow find me from doing Google searches on the topic.  One of my greatest joys is being there as a support for these girls. I hope I never forget where I came from and how God has molded my heart, because now I’m excited that I get to begin molding others.

Distinguishing Youth Group from Other Groups

church, Contributions, youth ministry, youthmin.org

what makes the church the church

 

This post originally appeared here: http://youthmin.org/distinguishing-youth-group-from-other-groups/

A recent profile was done by The Associated Press on the rise of “Atheist Mega Churches” in the United States.

These churches look exactly like most church services do–there is singing, community, and an inspirational message. The only thing that makes them different is that the message doesn’t contain God.

I must admit; as I read this article, I couldn’t help but shake my head.  The thing is, I can think of a lot of church experiences that I have had that look exactly like these Atheist churches.  There are a lot of churches with sermons that only throw God in there when it is convenient and comfortable.  They focus on music and messages and meetings that affirm you, which admittedly can have some positive impact; however, they miss the most important component–Christ.

Now, I’m not going to get into this too deeply, for I feel that God hasn’t given me the specific place to call these experiences out.

What I do feel compelled to talk about is this:

What makes your student ministry meetings different?

What makes a Sunday/Wednesday/______ different for your teenagers compared to any other place that they step into in their week?  How is it different from school? Work? Practice? Rehearsal? Clubs?

You see, there should be a difference. I should be able to tell the difference between the Body meeting versus non-Christians, just as I should be able to tell the difference between a Christian church and an Atheist church.

… but sometimes I can’t tell.

In the comments, I would like you to :
1. Tell me WHY it is important that our experiences with the Body should be different.
2. Tell me how YOU strive to make YOUR youth group a place that is different from any other place for your teenagers.