Prayer Requests from a Youth Pastor in Newtown

church, networking, prayer, youth ministry

This is copied directly from http://teenbuilding.wordpress.com/2012/12/19/my-conversation-with-a-youth-pastor-from-newtown-ct/

We are all still reeling from the school shooting that happened this past weekend. This afternoon, I had the privilege of talking with a youth pastor from Newtown, CT. He works with children and teenagers in his community just minutes from where the shooting happened.

There was a lot that he and I talked and prayed about. Here are a few of the prayer requests that he said that I could feel free to share.

1. For his personal healing. Help him find joy in suffering.

2. Many of the families in their church were friends or associates with victims families.

3. That God would use this tragedy for His Glory. Provide a spiritual awakening in the town.

4. The town is crawling with media and it’s proving difficult to try and live any semblance of normal living.

5. The church wants to help and is trying to find their role in the healing process.

6. There were kids from the youth group that had recently gone off to college that had known Adam Lanza.

7. Healing for kids and teens who are trying to reconcile so much during this time.

8. For Christmas joy. Newtown is a town that always makes a big deal of Christmas and many people have taken down decorations because of the guilt they feel for celebrating.

9. How to address the youth group kids in the coming days, weeks, months.

10. Wisdom for the youth ministry network of 8 guys in the area.

I’d encourage you to take a moment to pray for these 10 requests. Feel free to post in the comment page any encouragement that you’d like to share with him. I’ll be emailing him this post.

If you have any comments you’d like that youth pastor to see, go to the original blog post at http://teenbuilding.wordpress.com/2012/12/19/my-conversation-with-a-youth-pastor-from-newtown-ct/

Confessions of a Lazy Christian

christianity, faith, leadership, youth ministry

I have fallen.

I admit it.

I have inherited the apathy of my culture.

I’ve been lazy.

I suppose it has happened over time. It’s generally not something that happens overnight.

I think Bible college has something to do with it.

So does my called profession.

I got lazy somewhere along the way: confusing exegeting for a Sunday morning with my personal quiet time; mixing up praying with students and praying for students; leading people to God and letting God lead me to Him.

I know we all get to this point…so I am encouraged.

I’ve known this for a very long time, I’ve acknowledged it; I have even prayed for forgiveness countless times and “vowed” this would be the last time.

But.

It wasn’t.

It won’t be.

I’m so thankful for a God who does not see my deeds, but my heart. My heart does yearn for him, but I have been lazy with it.

When I got serious about my relationship with God, it was for my calling to ministry. But now that I’m out of college and out of teaching three times a week at a church, I need to rediscover a relationship with God outside of ministry.

I’m pretty sure Martha Stewart takes time to cook outside of her shows, and I’m pretty sure that P. Diddy raps even when not in rehearsal, and I’m pretty sure that Jeff Gordon races his car down the highway (who doesn’t?).

So I’m pretty sure that God, who I love more than Martha loves cooking, is worth time outside of ministry.

I need to relearn what that looks like.

I decided that next year, I am going to go through the book “Celebration of Discipline” and concentrate on a new discipline every month, slowly re-incorporating them into my every day life. January: Meditation. I will re-figure this out.

No, I don’t think I’m in spiritual danger.

Yes, I want a deeper relationship with God.

No, I’m not taking a hiatus from ministry.

Yes, I will study the Bible outside of when I have to teach it.

I encourage you to take this journey with me.

Prenancy in Youth Ministry @youth_min

church, Contributions, leadership, women, youth ministry, youthmin.org

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/pregnancy-in-youth-ministry/

Pregnancy in youth ministry: Nope, I am not talking about your teenagers, I am talking about your ministers. Starting a family is an intimidating thought to begin with, but trying to balance it with ministry is even more difficult. Imagine being a woman in ministry: having to deal with morning sickness in Sunday School, the pregnancy leave from the ministry, the breastfeeding at church camp. Trying to figure out the whole pregnancy thing brings so many questions, but mainly How can I do this?

Women ministers, are you pregnant or thinking about starting a family? While I have never been pregnant myself, I have done some research and talked with the fine ladies in our Facebook group. Please chime in with additional advice in the comment section!

While You’re Pregnant

Decide how you’re going to inform your pastor, the church, and the youth group. It is probably not the best idea to post it on Facebook and let everyone go crazy. It will be much more professional and personal to do it in person.
Start preparing your volunteers to take charge of the ministry while you leave on pregnancy leave. As the pregnancy progresses, you are going to have days where you are not going to be as reliable as you once were. Prepare them so that if you have to leave the lesson to relieve your bursting bladder, they will be able to pick it up.
Make a plan with your husband. How is this all going to look when the baby gets here? Will one of you take a little extra time off? What is your schedule going to look like once the baby gets here?
Realize that you can’t do the same activities you could before. But just because you cannot zip-line or ski does not mean your students cannot! There are ways for you to be able to go on trips with them without having to do the activities; and if you just can’t go, no one will blame you. Do not feel like your level of commitment lessens—your students will understand why you do not want to tube on your pregnant belly (well, you might have to explain it to the middle school boys).

The Pregnancy Leave

Know your laws about maternity leaves. Investigate what that looks like and talk to your church about how they will accommodate that.
Do as much preparation as you can in as much advance as you can. Will your church hire a temporary youth minister, or will you have to equip volunteers to run the ministry while you are gone? Whatever you choose, you will have to decide early on in your pregnancy; you do not want to have to decide these things and prepare volunteers to do your job when your hormones are raging, your back is hurting, and you feel exhausted and burned-out from a baby kicking your insides.
Decide your level of commitment beforehand—how involved will you be? Will you be around and available to volunteers, or will you be strict about your maternity leave? Will you even come near your church during this time? You will need to decide these things. Typically a maternity leave means “no contact,” but will that work for your ministry? Most importantly—stick to your plan! There will be people calling you up while you are still in the hospital unless you make it clear exactly your level of involvement during this period.
Do not be afraid to ask for help; you are performing life’s greatest miracle and need time to recover as well as spend time with your precious newborn. You do not need to worry about a ministry on top of breastfeeding. Relax and trust that everything will be fine while you’re gone.

After You’ve Returned to the Ministry

Realize that it will take some time to adjust, even after you return to the church. Many women struggle with their emotions following having a baby.
Do not be discouraged when you find you cannot commit the same way you used to. Fortunately you work for the church, a building full of God’s saints. Even though the church may not always be pretty, no one can resist a baby. No teenager will be mad because you missed the mud tug-o-war because you were taking care of your baby. In fact, having a baby might unite your students in ways you never expected. Realize that you have a youth group full of babysitters who will take your baby off your hands (and if not your students, their parents will be willing to help). Every woman I have talked to has talked about how great their church was to them throughout their pregnancy and after the baby was born. Trust that it will be fine.

Remember: You can be a minister AND a mom. You will show your youth how to prioritize and balance God, your marriage, your new family, and your ministry. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead your motherly senses.

Women in Youth Ministry: My Story @youth_min

Contributions, women, youth ministry, youthmin.org

This post originally appeared on: http://www.youthmin.org/women-in-youth-ministry-my-story/

I broke the youth minister mold, and I am admittedly proud of it. I’m young, I’m single, I’m female. Yet at about 23, I’ve already had multiple internships in churches of differing sizes andserved as the youth minister in a small, Southern Baptist Church for two years. I’ve surprised myself, surprised others, and have come a long way in a short time.

Growing up SBC, I wasn’t sure about a woman’s role in the church. I heard all these sermons about spreading the Gospel, yet I didn’t see many women who were serving in leadership positions. In middle school, my youth minister was a female, but she left and a male took over the group. All of my friends’ churches had male leaders. When I was called to ministry at 17 years old, it was the conviction within the members of my church that pushed me to embrace the opportunity. Yet, although everyone saw my calling, it was hard to place me in a role.

I recently graduated from an SBC university with degrees in Youth Ministry and Theology. Surprisingly all of my ministry professors embraced women in ministry; however there were no female professors within the college of ministry/theology. Most of the other women in the ministry program did not feel called to the church setting, but a camp or unchurched setting; so I was pretty unique in that. The church I ministered in was also in the town, and it was well-known throughout my colleagues and professors who I was and what I did. My male colleagues never challenged my role in the local church, yet voiced their opinions about the ability for a woman to be in ministry in classes of which I was not present. The most ignorant comments usually came from people who were just meeting me and weren’t within the ministry college: “Women can do that now?!”

When I first got the position at that church as a real, legit “Youth Minister”, I didn’t have feelings of excitement, but overwhelmed. I had theological convictions, but no examples of women who had “made it” to be a woman in youth ministry. I knew women could be youth ministers, but I wasn’t convinced they could in my church. These thoughts were the pins and needles I walked on throughout my two years at this small church. At larger events, I wouldn’t talk for more than ten minutes for fear that someone would consider me “preaching.” I had trouble finding a male volunteer to disciple the males in my youth group one-on-one. I was afraid of over-stepping boundaries because I was a woman. And why? Because I had no examples of how to do ministry as a woman, just the assurance that I could.

I sought out an online network of ministers. I grew encouraged by women who have been doing youth ministry for as long as I have been alive, and also grew with noobs like myself. Yet there still weren’t a lot of women in these communities; this may be representative of the youth ministry community (especially with similar theological dispositions as mine), representative of women like me who were afraid to speak up, or representative of women who have time to network on top of other things (like raising families).

On my university campus I was an officer for a national organization dedicated to educating and discipling a generation of ministers. I also intentionally developed relationships with women in the college of ministry/theology, offering a support and model of a woman who “made it” (even in an SBC church!). This was my baby—I found my voice and became a role model for women in ministry. This is where I found the ability to be a woman in ministry—a bold leader who embraces her spiritual gift of teaching and womanly gifting of exhortation for the Kingdom of God.

What do I personally want? I want the stereotypes to end. I don’t fit the current mold—I’m not athletic, I don’t own TOMS, and my guitar skills are mediocre at best. And just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I can’t control my PMS and I’m too emotional to give hard truth to people (anyone who knows me can tell you I’m a truth-puncher). I want people to look at me and not see a little girl wanting to play church, but a woman who is passionate about ministry and is theologically and practically trained. I want people to stop thinking that because I’m not married, every aspect of my life needs to be devoted to the church and I need to be willing to step in for “extra tasks”. I don’t want people to expect me to stop ministering when I actually do marry and have children. And when I do decide to have children, I want a church staff to not find another minister just because I need a pregnancy leave. I want church staffs to take me seriously, not as “the girl on staff,” but the Youth PASTOR. I want to be paid the same as a man would in my position, because I’ve worked for it just as hard, if not harder because of the gender-persecution I have overcome. I want to “preach” and not “share,” and maybe even in “big church” once in a while. I want churches to quit asking me how I relate to teenage boys, when they don’t ask men how they relate to teenage girls. More than anything, I want people to understand my Biblical and cultural convictions that women can be leaders within the local church.

I know that I haven’t experienced everything there is to see in ministry. I’m sure I will see more discrimination. But even more, I will see a generation of women rising up and embracing opportunities for leading within the Church. I want to be a part of the generation of youth ministers (both male and female) that don’t just teach theologically that a woman can take part in ministry, but show practically so that women won’t be afraid of leading.

What Do You Do if a Fight Breaks out in Youth Group? @youth_min

Contributions, youth ministry, youthmin.org

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/what-do-you-do-if-a-fight-breaks-out-in-youth-group/

I hope that most people never have to deal with this, but for people who work in urban, rural, or really any setting, this is a reality. Handling a physical altercation requires that you can think quickly enough to deescalate the situation and keep everyone safe. Here’s what you do:

Make sure everyone is safe. This is the most important thing. As soon as the punches start flying, whether at you or another, make sure everyone else exits the situation by going to another room or outside. You want an adult leader to stay in the room with you while you try to verbally deescalate the person(s) involved so that you have a witness to the situation. If the person is angry with you, remove yourself from the situation and have another adult try to calm the person down.
If it is you who is assaulted, don’t hit back. No really. Make sure that when your adrenaline is flying, you do not act out of anger. One, you could lose your job. Two, you could get in trouble with the law. Three, Jesus said a few things about turning the other cheek; if you teach your students to walk away from a fight, you had better do it too.
In fact, it’s best you keep your hands off completely. There can be a lawsuit, or worse, something could go the wrong way. I have been trained to restrain (I’ve worked in mental health facilities) and I know from my training that even the most calculated and seemingly safe touches can go wrong in these kinds of situations. So just stick with a hands-off approach. Usually when two teenagers fight, they fight the anger out for a few punches and stop on their own. If they do not stop, call the police immediately. I still recommend not putting yourself into the situation, but if you feel it is necessary, use your best discretion.
When do you call the police? This is a conversation you may want to have with your church staff. What becomes a problem for the insurance company? If two teens exchange a few punches, it may not seem like a big deal; however your church may have a policy on filing a police report regardless, so that the situation is on official and legal record. And if a student assaults you, it might be hard to imagine filing an assault charge on them. But it might be the most loving thing for you to finally show a student that their actions are going to really hurt them in the long run by pressing charges.
Make sure that your leaders know how to handle a situation should a fight break out. Provide training for your leaders in crisis intervention so that they can effectively deescalate a verbally or physically aggressive teenager. There are many classes you can take to get certified in crisis intervention (plus it looks fantastic on your resume!)

Have you ever had to break out a fight? What suggestions do you have to add to the conversation?

The Need for a Contextualized Youth Ministry @youth_min

Contributions, youth ministry, youthmin.org

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/the-need-for-a-contextualized-youth-ministry/

Every week, there seems to be dozens of posts in my blog roll along the lines of: “What’s Wrong with Youth Ministry?” “Why Youth Ministry Needs to Change” and “A Paradigm Shift in Youth Ministry.”

While I agree that there needs to be some changes in the way we do youth ministry, I don’t think those changes look the same for everyone. I don’t think Youth Ministry will drastically change if everyone starts making their own lessons, or preaches expositionally, or changes to a small-group format. I don’t think every church can make those changes; not every youth pastor is paid so that he or she can spend hours making their sermons, not every youth group has the attention span to learn the Bible verse-by-verse, and not every youth group is big enough or has enough volunteers to have small groups.

So what I’m saying is: Youth Ministry needs to fit the culture of the church. This seems like a no-brainer, but if it is, why are we constantly trying to mimic other the ministries of other churches? When I was a small church youth pastor, I wanted so badly to have big programming like the larger churches in my area, and was constantly snooping to see what they were doing. But why? My church could not do those things. It is no wonder that so many young people today are leaving churches—they are not getting anything that has been specifically made for them; they are getting the same generic garbage that every other church is feeding off of.

But our churches, especially more conservative churches, have problems when we say we need our ministries to fit “our culture.” You’ll hear from them (use your best country hick voice here), “The Bible don’t change for no one, so our church don’t change for no one.” But contextualization does not mean changing what the Bible says; contextualizing means that recognizing the meaning of the text in its context will help us re-contextualize the meaning of the text for our audience. We have to understand the basic hermeneutic principles of historical and cultural background of the text as well as who it originally impacted. We are not those same people, therefore we should not force the Biblical text into any cultural mold. So our churches don’t need to exactly reflect the churches in the Bible (and they typically don’t.) And therefore our ministries don’t need to be the replicas of the Bible, or each other’s. One ministry is not necessarily more “Biblical” than another. And if I tried the same youth ministry model in Canada or Africa or even the next state over, it would not work.

Furthermore, I’m going to play bad-cop and say that youth ministry is not “Biblical” because adolescence did not even exist then. So we have already submitted to culture by having youth ministry in general. That does not mean immediately disband all youth ministries (although that might work for your church culture). I’m saying that youth ministry started as a ministry to fit a cultural need, so why are we not continuing to fit it to our culture?

Why are we still doing the same programming after 25 years? I know a lot of youth pastors who are angry because students choose activities over the church (we would have never done that “in our day”), but why can’t we move activities around and accommodate students? Why are we still going to big-name conferences that do nothing spiritual for our students, just because it’s “the place to go?” Do puppet teams fit anyone’s culture? Why are we depressed because we are not as big, have enough money, or have as great of a beard as “First Baptist”? We are not the same. We don’t have the same needs. I can’t grow facial hair.

Contextualizing is not a bad thing. If you think your youth ministry needs some big changes, think about the culture of the community—How big is it? How many churches are there? What is the income level? How is the economy doing? And think about your church as well—Where are they spiritually? How diverse is it in terms of race, income, gender, etc? What is the “personality” of the church? It’s there.

Having a contextualized youth ministry means having a continuously growing awareness of your students’ church, community, learning styles, personalities, schools, and culture. It probably won’t be easy to determine what it will look like to contextualize your youth ministry initially, but with your growing awareness, it will be the most fantastic thing you do for your ministry.

Dan Sadlier said, “Contextualization is like a sweet science that dates back to the Savior. Each page of the scripture drips with leadership who understood their context, and knew how to contextualize for the sake of God’s fame. Study your context, embrace it, and than engage it like the saints who have gone before.”

I’m now the prettiest contributor for YouthMin.Org

Contributions, testimony, women, youth ministry, youthmin.org

Recently something very cool happened to me. I was asked to write a guest post for YouthMin.Org on women in ministry–which I should know ALL about given my estrogen levels. And what do you know? They asked me to become a contributor.

I’m pretty stoked about this. What does this mean for this blog? Well, I won’t post as much youth-y stuff on it. One of the great things about YouthMin.Org is that we are seeking to build a one-blog, one-community place for youth ministry. This is great for a girl like me, who has like 200 people who have been named “top youth ministry blogs” but are filling up my feed with the same old stuff. I’m sick of the self-promotion. Why can’t we promote a community? That’s what this being a part of the Body of Christ is about.

Another thing I love is it’s all about “everyday youth pastors.” I’m no super-star and no matter how I try, I will never be the female Josh Griffin or Doug Fields. I’m a young minister who is learning from others and teaching what I learn. And from what I can tell, these contributors are humble in the same way.

So I encourage you, dear friends, to check out YouthMin.Org for everything youth ministry. As for this blog, I will continue talking about life lessons I am learning. And yes, they will talk about ministry. Ministry is my life. It will just be different (although my last year of blogging has differed than the year before and so on and so forth ;) )

Blessings,
Heather

Why I Work With Teenagers

leadership, youth ministry

Update: This post was nominated for YouthMin.Org’s “Best Youth Ministry Blog Post of 2012” contest. I made it all the way to the top 34, and was in 17th place, too short to make it to the Sweet Sixteen! I am blessed to have been nominated, and hope that you have been blessed by this post.

I love youth ministry. I just love it. I blog about it, tweet about, study it, think about it, pray about it, etc. I just love it.

I’m currently working in a residential ministry where I work with older teenage girls who are trying to learn practical skills to transition into the adult world. It’s a challenge in many ways, but residential ministry has provided some of the most raw ministry I have ever experienced–not many of my youth minister friends can recount moments where they’ve had runaways, experienced a teenager attempting suicide, physically dangerous altercations, or teens in their face screaming obscenities…all while living in the same house as them. I’m daily struggling to model grace to people who daily fail me. Yet I really can’t picture myself not working with teenagers.

I’ve heard many times (especially from teens who are in state care) “Why do you work with teenagers?” I usually brush it off and say “I like it” or “I don’t know” or the occasional “I can take the abuse.” But this week I really thought about it.

I was called to youth ministry at the age of 17, while volunteering in the youth ministry in my church. It was others’ conviction in my church that even made me aware of this calling. I fought it, but came to the conclusion that it was God’s will. I didn’t understand it, but ever since I’ve been devoted and have realized that I have natural and spiritual giftings that have placed me in this ministry.

But WHY do I like it? WHY do I do ministry? It’s not just because I want to give the Gospel–I could be an evangelist, a writer, or even a worker at Walmart. It’s not that.

It’s not because I like working with teenagers, either. I mean, I love them, don’t get me wrong. But this is a hard ministry–teenagers can be manipulative, and there are always hard moments when one has failed you. Emotionally, this is a taxing ministry. There are days when all I can do is pop in the second VHS of Titanic and cry the night away because of something that has happened.

It’s also not because I think the church is a great place to work either. I believe in the church, I am devoted to the Church as a whole and to the church community. But church can be a messy place to work.

So, I’m sure you’re thinking by now “This girl is not called. She isn’t in it for the Gospel, because teenagers are rewarding, or because she believes in the church.” I didn’t say that exactly. I am in it for all those things, but they aren’t the reason I like working with teenagers. At the end of the day those reasons aren’t the reasons that keep me going. Maybe I’m wrong for that.

When I was a teenager, I had a rough life. I had absent parents in an urban community where I was easiy influenced and made bad decisions. I had to make it through myself–figure out how to cook, clean, drive, pay for college, etc. More than that, I had to learn what it looks like to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. I had very few positive influences in my life, and really relied on God alone to get me through a lot of situations and had to find my own resources when it came to practical needs. What I love about youth ministry is making a difference in lives that need the difference; being that consistent mentor and provider for someone. I love it when I can teach a teenager a new skill, whether it’s a new meal to prepare, a fun word in Spanish, or a concept in the Bible. I love being a sounding board for problems and being a constant source of confidentiality. I love providing teenagers with resources so that they can better their lives.

This is why I love working with teenagers–to give them someone that I didn’t have. This is also why it’s crucial for me to act with integrity and consistency.

We all have something special that we bring to the youth ministry table, something unique that helps us connect to our students. I challenge you to think about why you love working with teenagers. Let’s be honest, there are reasons deeper than “spreading the gospel” or “loving the church.” Because there are easier ways to do that than working with teenagers. And it’s not “loving teenagers” that is the sole reason why we do ministry; because teenagers break our hearts no matter if you work in a church, a school, or as a parent. Why is it? I would love to hear your reasons :)

Discipling Disciples

christianity, church, discipleship, friendship, youth ministry

This weekend I met with my mentor. And I always have to blog afterwards.

I was meeting my mentor at Dairy Queen, because one of the girls I spent a lot of one-on-one discipleship with at the last church I served at worked there, and I was in town visiting people. As I was standing there waiting for Lydia (my mentor) to arrive, I thought about how funny it was that Mackenzie (the young lady I was invested in) had no idea of the impact Lydia has made on her life. I told Lydia this, and she told me that she recently went to her mentor’s wedding and met her mentor’s mentor and was thinking the same thing. So now Mackenzie has four generations of mentors accounted for above her. I told Mackenzie, and she kind of shrugged it off (I mean, she’s 16 and was at work) but I think she thought it was pretty cool.

Visiting my college town the weekend before their classes started was strange for me. I drove past a campus event, and looked out at all the fresh faces. It was so strange to be around during freshmen orientation, and not have any “plan” or even excitement about the possibilities of investing in futures students… but I realized that’s why I discipled new students, so they could disciple the next line of students, and so on and so forth.

This is discipleship: equipping disciples to disciple. We are called to be students and teachers at the same time. When you think about the people you are investing in, think about the opportunities they have to invest in others! The thought is exciting! I think about the students I mentor, and how they have friends, siblings, coworkers, even parents that they can invest in and bring truth to. When you invest in one person, you literally have access to investing into the world. Bam. Exciting.

Don’t just "understand" the other side, EMPATHIZE.

america, Blogs about Heather, christianity, church, faith, freedom, leadership, lgbtq, love, sin, social activism, theology, unchurched

I have half a dozen or so documents in my laptop right now of “potential blogposts” of different rants and ramblings about politics; from Chick-Fil-A to the ability for a Christian to vote different political parties to my stance on gay marriage, I have been wanting to speak out for a while now. But I have held back. Why? Because there are others who can say it better. Because I’m no expert. Because I’m still learning.

That is what I want to emphasize today in my all-encompassing post on politics, ethics, and anything else that seems to matter these days. I am extremely irritated with the election, as both “sides” of the United States are exposing their dirty ignorance and disregard for people who do not agree with them. It is this mentality of, “If a person does not agree with my political stance, which is the only way, then their entire character must be attacked publicly.” One day I posted on Facebook, “I think it says a lot about President Obama’s character for him to visit Joplin a year after the tornado came through.” I wasn’t making a political statement, just a statement of appreciation for the remembrance of a small town near me that had been devastated by a storm. One parent of one of my youth wrote, “I think we should all worry about Heather’s character.” Then a full-fledged debate began on my status about gay marriage, Obama being a dirty Muslim from Kenya, etc. One of my friends wrote, “Shame on all of you. This status wasn’t about any of that.” And it wasn’t, but to many Christian brothers and sisters that I respect, a politician that they don’t agree with can’t have any redeeming qualities.

I think it’s extremely dangerous to claim to hold absolute knowledge of any subject. I’m sure some of you are shocked, as I am a Christian and you probably are too; how can I say that I don’t know undoubtedly that God exists? Simply, if I knew it wouldn’t be called faith. I know it in my heart, but empirically I do not know that. I’m not a skeptic, and I’m not saying that if I don’t know things, that I can’t express my opinions on them; in fact my faith in God precedes all other faiths I have and consequentially demands me to express that faith. The point I’m trying to make is: It is extremely important to be empathetic to opinions that differ from your own, for you do not know your opinions to be fact. In fact, it becomes dangerous when you claim to know it all and aren’t empathetic.

Why? Because once you claim to hold the key to knowledge on a particular subject, you get arrogant. You push people away from you with your words and your attitude. For example: Those Christians who are outspoken about gay marriage push people who agree with it away; it scars the LGBTQQ community and its allies and pushes people away from the Christ who ate meals with prostitutes, tax collectors, and the self-righteous. Christians (and everyone else) definitely have the right to discuss their opinions and alleged knowledge on a subject; but if we aren’t empathetic of the other side, we can and will push them away. I took some time trying to understand the LGBTQQ community a few years ago when a group came to my conservative Christian university to speak out against our allegedly persecuting contract that we had to sign in order to be a student there. Instead of pushing my doctrine, I took the time to listen; a time of learning and growth. Once I heard the stories of how they’ve been treated by people inside the Church, I began to understand that it’s not necessarily my place to indoctrinate a homosexual upon meeting them (and that’s just the beginning of that journey). It went without being said what I believed. I spent time trying to be empathetic, not with the sole goal of strengthening my argument, but because there were things on the other side of the debate that I never even considered. And my opinion, although not perfected today, has come a long way.

I think this is also apparent in the Neo-Calvinist movement within the SBC, trying to take it back to its supposed Calvinistic roots and forcing churches to adhere to them and teach them as if it’s an essential truth in order to believe in God. Every time I found out someone that I knew was a Calvinist, I would judge them. I am currently very sympathetic to Calvinism, but took a long time telling anybody; I was fearful that I would be labeled as an arrogant, close-minded reformer like many of the Neo-Calvinist leaders are looked at. Also, I’m not 100% sure on any of it. I once thought I was when I was anti-Calvinist, and then I read scriptures and listened to people and changed my mind. I might change my mind again. But more importantly, why is it necessary to be sure on this topic? It cheapens God’s sovereignty in my claim that I am all-knowing on any subject. When we become face-to-face before God, we’re going to learn that a lot of our political, ethical, and even religious beliefs were wrong (I honestly can’t wait for God to go, “Heather, remember how you were so arrogant about __? Well, you were wrong, and there’s grace for you because I was more important to you than even that.”).

This goes beyond politics and quarrels within the Church. This comes to our everyday life. It is well-heard, “Before you judge someone, walk in their shoes.” I think it’s dangerous to form an opinion, and especially to claim knowledge of a subject, without hearing all sides. More than hearing them, but understanding them (taking their place and walking in their shoes). Understanding a side different than yours takes more than reading a few books or listening to a few podcasts. It takes learning from people, talking with people. This should be especially true within the church. We are to be in community with one another, and it strongly discredits Christ’s love for the Church when we break off communion with one another on topics that we haven’t taken the time to understand. Maybe that person is a Calvinist because they don’t believe they could have found God without Him choosing them. Maybe that woman hates hymns because she didn’t make it past 8^th grade and has a small vocabulary. Maybe that man isn’t a fan of small groups because his last one gossiped the entire time. Maybe that man doesn’t come to church on Sundays because the only job he can find works those days. Maybe that woman is pro-choice because her sister could have died in a pregnancy. Maybe that Christian man is a Democrat because the fight against social injustice overrides the need to ban gay marriage. Maybe that lady is for gay marriage because she separates legal marriage from covenant relationships. Instead of judging people, understand them. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t even need to tell them that either (with proper discourse, that will naturally come in a non-pushy way). You just need to see people the way Jesus sees them: broken, fallen, and beautiful. Christ sees you that way too. You are just as much His bride as the rest of the Church; in fact, you are His bride together and that entails the need for empathy. And at the end of the day, if you still disagree with them, that doesn’t mean their entire character should be shattered, especially if they are a follower of Christ; if you agree on the essential truths of salvation, then you are still a part of the Church and should edify one another.

Occasionally, you are going to run into a person who says while debating with you, “I’m listening to you, but I’ve heard this all before. I’ve thought through this topic and have my opinion.” This translates, “I’m listening to your comments, but I already know all there is to know on the subject and there is no new information you can give me. There is no point in debating me, because I won’t change my mind but will debunk all your arguments in the most mocking way I can.” THIS. IS. DANGEROUS. I can’t tell you how much I have thought through, prayed through, and talked through different topics. I may have strong opinions on subjects, but the day I claim to have it all together: please take me out of the local church before I infect people with my arrogant ignorance. Can you tell I am hurting right now? Yes. Because I used to be the person who was arrogant to think that they knew it all and only struck up debates to be the smart conqueror of them. Because right now, people are discrediting me for being provocative in thinking and trying to be the “Devil’s Advocate” and understand both sides of issues. But primarily because in a world where we have tragedies such as mass murders, children starving, public shootings, and great moments of glory like the young people beast-moding the Olympics; we are more concerned about our disagreement with a single politician or company that supports an ethic stance that differs from ours than for understanding our brothers and sisters.

ps, as I finish this post, I’m like “what do I even name this?!” hah.

Heather Lea Campbell

Youth Pastor for Youth Pastors

Ministry