Ministry

4 Steps to Training Volunteers

Ministry, Resources

With a new school year comes a new team of volunteers. Here is one of the simplest ways to view training volunteers.

I do it, you watch.

Have a volunteer watch you do the task for a while. To expect a volunteer to jump in on certain activities, such as teaching for example, without seeing how your specific ministry does it would be careless and would result with less than success.

The best way to teach someone how to do something is to show them how to do it. Just as you can’t jump behind the wheel of a car without watching someone drive first, you cannot lead a small group without shadowing someone first.

We do it together.

Do the task with the volunteer. This allows you time to coach them through it. If they just watch you, they ma have the knowledge but not he experience to do it practically.

Walk through lesson-planning with them. Greet with them on a Sunday morning. Do a team approach to teaching together. Invest a lot of time in this category.

You do it, I watch.

Now’s the time to let them sprout their wings.  Allow them to take control, and coach them when necessary.  Affirm their strengths and provide feedback on things they need to work on. Allow them to perfect.

You do it.

Trust that you have done everything you can to do, and trust that they have complete control of this!  Take this opportunity to move on and train another volunteer.

What are some ways that you train your volunteers?

A Woman in Youth Ministry

book review, women

Gina Abbas has published a book through the Youth Cartel titled, “A Woman in Youth Ministry.” Gina contacted me over a year ago telling me about this book, and I was stoked!  There are very few books about women in youth ministry, and as Gina points out in her book, the few that are, are written by men.

Trust me–I’ve purchased every book out there about being a woman in youth ministry, and although I treasure them, few are as practical as Gina’s.  What I love about this book is that it isn’t a book of whining or joking about all the problems we face.  I also love that it isn’t a book of exegetical arguments for the role.  It’s a book of practical, real-life stories and advice. Advice that Gina has been sharing on her blog that inspired me as a young youth pastor.

Here are some of the best excerpts:

Gina empowers women to not only overcome male-dominated church structures, but even work from within them. Gina is appreciative of the churches she has worked in that were hierarchical, but also knew when to move on.

In really conservative (male-dominated) evangelical circles that hold a very narrow hierarchical or complementarian theological view of women in ministry, leaders still always find a way to lead.

So yeah, the church can call us “directors,” “coordinators,” “pastors,” or whatever title they prefer. But never forget that whether you’re paid, volunteer, or bivocational; whether you’re single or married, God can use you as a woman in youth ministry.

Being boycotted for being a girl kinda sucked, but I sipped my coffee and reminded myself that it was their hurt speaking.

Gina gives advice on looking for a position in youth ministry…which is difficult.

So my advice is don’t take on a ministry role or volunteer position that ends up being the equivalent of singing up to play baseball without every being allowed to bat. It’s a disappointment I could have avoided if I’d spent more time discerning my own theology and leadership style. But I was never taught how to do that in Bible college, nor did a ministry mentor ever talk me through that process.

I wouldn’t have had any of the youth ministry positions I’ve landed without being willing to move or try something outside of my won theological framework.  Like any job or new ministry venue, you have to knock on a lot of doors and sometimes step out in faith, trusting that it’s going to be a good long-term match.

Gina doesn’t let women get away with being called bossy, but empowers them to be bolder!

I get the whole “I’m an introvert–please don’t ask me to pray out loud” thing. But when women are given a chance to lead or an opportunity to speak up, we need to shrug off our insecurities and lead–and lead well.

Gina gives great advice that’s not just for mothers, but translatable for anybody who wants to balance a healthy life apart from ministry.

If your senior pastor and ministry colleagues rarely take their day off, come in every Saturday, and have terrible boundaries with their time, watch out. It’s going to be difficult for you to have a healthy work schedule with set times for ministry and protected time for yourself, your marriage, and your family. Pay attention. If your colleagues are terrible workaholics, it will be tough for you to maintain good boundaries on your own time.

Gina’s book is incredibly well-resourced. She has links and alludes to many different sources for information pertaining to all topics. Gina also asked people–including myself–to contribute parts to the book. I love it, because people of all backgrounds are represented in the voices!  I really appreciated Rachel Blom’s excerpt, because Rachel is typically very professional in her writing, but she was very vulnerable and shared a great story.

Relational ministry is bae. If you haven’t heard the term bae before, it stands for “before anything else.”  Relational ministry is so incredibly important. We can plan events and preach awesome sermons all day long, but relationships are what make everything click. –Chelsea Peddecord

Please, people, if you’re dead set on having a godly young man be your new youth pastor, then express it clearly in your job description so I don’t waste my time dreaming of how I can love and serve your teenagers and their families. –Morgan Schmidt

Therefore, I need to trade my lack of self-confidence for the image of God who says to me, “I have created you to lead with a beauty that is bold and not bossy; a strength that is secure and not sassy; a valor that is vibrant and not vindictive.” Leading with courage and assurance will be contagious to everyone who watches you lead. Trust me–this is why I look to the women who lead me. –ME!

Tips for Male Pastors Interacting With Girls

girls ministry, women

If you know me, you know I am a MOMMA. BEAR. I am protective of my teenagers, especially my girls.

Don’t be stupid.

As you read the rest of this article, I’m going to tell you to drop your guard a little. Don’t read that as “I’m the only person who can/needs to do this in their life” because that will lead to “I’ve just been fired and am on a sexual offender list.” Am I being dramatic? Of course. I’m a female.

Always have another leader with you, especially if you are meeting with a girl in private. Always gauge where a girl’s personal boundaries are, and don’t cross them. If you feel that a relationship is getting inappropriate, always get another leader involved. There are many things that your female leaders need to lead on in their lives…but this article isn’t about female leaders. It’s about male leaders interacting with female students.

Don’t be afraid to be appropriately affectionate.

Girls need love from men. It’s like ingrained in us. When we get it in a healthy way, we don’t feel the need to seek it out otherwise. It is perfectly okay to give hugs or pats on the shoulder–whatever you are most comfortable with. Be fatherly. Be appropriate. Be affectionate in a way that is comfortable for both you and others.

I think there is this notion that guys have to stick with guys and girls have to stick with girls–but that’s totally off. Everyone needs both genders in their life. There are many girls who don’t have redemptive relationships with their fathers, so many of them may look to you for that. Hear me out: Know your boundaries. But also listen up: My girls need appropriate men in their life. 

Be consistent.

Whoever you are in your relationship with your girls, just be consistent at it. Don’t be the typical youth worker who stays at a church for 18 months–that hurts more than you may realize. Teenagers feel like people come and go as it is, don’t add to that dramatization by making it a reality. And even if you don’t leave physically, here’s another one that you may not have thought of:

Don’t be awkward when puberty hits.

When they grow breasts and their shorts get shorter overnight, don’t put them at an arm’s length. Don’t get scared when teenagers’ bodies change. They’re pretty aware that they’re looking different. When you take away the affection and consistency you once offered, they notice that. And if YOU pull away from them, they WILL look for that affection somewhere else.

Do have women invest in them, shepherding them through this process. Your role is to stay consistent.

Be sensitive.

This seems like a no-brainer, but I am constantly reminded that it’s not. Sometimes girls get upset about things, and then guys think it’s funny…and then girls get even more ticked off because guys just don’t understand. This will be a theme throughout your entire life, so take heart: When a girl says be serious, time to get serious. If you can’t handle all the emotions, have another leader help you out.

Don’t shame them.

They’re not always going to want to play messy games, and you need to be okay with that. They are going to sin, and you can’t cast them away for that. Girls over-think things. If you say something rude to them, comment on their outfit, or do something else that is dumb, they will remember that. And they will replay it over and over. No pressure.

Just be affirming. That’s really all this sums up to.

Building a Healthy Ministry-Esteem

leadership, Ministry

This post originally appeared here: http://youthmin.org/building-a-healthy-ministry-esteem/

I think there’s a dichotomy of the way youth pastors, or honestly anyone in general, tends to view themself: Either we are incredibly full of ourselves, or incredibly unsure of ourselves. Put another way: Either we think we’re the “poop”, or a piece of “poop.” Either way, it stinks and funks up our ministry.

Prideful people push others away. There are plenty of posts out there on pride, so I want to focus on the opposite.

Humility is great. Humility is Godly. But listen: Humility is not thinking of yourself as lowly and unworthy of love or even praise. Humility is putting God’s agenda above our own and praising Him in successes.

How Low Ministry-Esteem Hurts

Humility is not low self-esteem. Low self-esteem hurts ministry because the minister second guesses himself. It hurts because the minister isn’t confident in the choices he makes, the lessons he teaches, or the students he lead.  In other words, it is:

  • Lack of confidence in decision-making abilities, so he often second-guesses them and loses respect of those who watch him make the decisions.
  • Lack of confidence in ability to bring the Gospel, so he downplays it and doesn’t deliver the Gospel message aggressive enough or convicting enough.
  • Lack of confidence in ability to draw students with Jesus, so he has trouble developing events and programming.
  • Lack of confidence in the students’ ability to reach others for Jesus, so he doesn’t put in place the appropriate programming providing missional opportunities.
  • Any others? Put them in the comments.

Building Balance

We are depraved, there’s no doubt about it. Yes, we are helpless (Romans 5:6). Yes, we shouldn’t think we are better than we really are (Romans 12:3). And yes, we are not to boast or be arrogant (1 Corinthians 13:4). And of course, we are to think of others as more highly than ourselves, for even Christ emptied himself and humbled himself to being a man dying on a cross…for us (Philippians 2).

But look at that: Christ saw us worthy enough to die for us. God loved us so much that he sent his son to die for us (John 3:16).

So even if we are nothing compared to Christ, that doesn’t mean that we are nothing to Christ. We were made in God’s image (Genesis 1). We were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). God gave us a spirit, “not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). God gave us each a very personal gift from his Spirit to use for his Kingdom, and he expects us to use it. Paul says to the Thessalonians (2:4-5):

“And we have confidence in the Lord about you, that you are doing and will do all the things that we command. May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.”

Humility is denying personal sin, regarding others as God sees them, and knowing that we are loved.  And you are loved, dear friend and minister of young people.

Live a redeeming and affirming life knowing this.

Providing Perfection to Students

girls ministry, junior high ministry, youth ministry

During our Local Missions Trip, some of my precious junior high girls and I somehow found ourselves chilling in my office (how we fit so many of us in there kills me–we must have really been trying to escape those boys!).  We were playing board games, when one of them found my memory box. I was going through it, sharing funny stories about  the moments from past churches.

One of the girls then asked me, “Are you going to be here very long?”

Dang.

Youth pastors in general have a problem with not sticking around very long. Add in the Millennial factor, and we’re flightier than migrating geese.  Our students in my church have especially been victims of youth leaders who were only around 2-3 years, with exception of our head director.

I don’t want to be one of those people who leaves when things get tough–and I’ve certainly had a boot camp in my first 8 months here! I want to remember, when I’m burned out from mission trips and kickoffs and spending so much time away from my one-eyed cat, that the reason I do this is to give my precious students some sort of consistency in their life. I may not be perfect, but what I can provide for them is exactly what they need.

So then, my girls and I sprinkled wish dust and painted our nails. And then played “Fodgeball” with the boys, fog machines, and strobe lights. A perfect night in junior high ministry.

What can you do to make sure that you stick with it? What can your church do?

Stop Sharing Your Stories With Your Students!

youth ministry

I’ve got to be honest–I’ve never been a cool kid. I’m okay with that.

And because of that fact, I’ve struggled to gain rapport with students.  This is why I love Junior High students–for the most part, they think that I’m cool just because I’m hanging out with them. We play games, we eat pizza, and we are best friends. High school is much more difficult.

I used to think that I just had to force rapport–I’d:

  • Tell them they can “ask five questions they want about me”–but it usually ends up in an awkard conversation about my lack of a love life, or an even more awkward reveal about my crazy family.
  • Go ahead and “share my testimony” with them so they know up-front about my crazy family.  But this actually has created walls.  My life is pretty unique, and unless I’m talking to a certain group of students, all it says to students is “I come from a completely different background than you.”  I received feedback in my internship four years ago this from the group of suburban high school girls I worked with. They felt like they couldn’t relate to me off the back.
  • Interrupt a conversation to share a random story about my sister, my cat, my first car, my high school days, etc.

And so I’ve realized something…

Students don’t care about my life.

Now, that isn’t completely true.  But there’s one important truth:

Students care when I care about their life.

Want to build rapport? Quit talking about your embarrassing high school moments out of the blue. Ask them questions!  Ask them about their family, their school, and more! Learn to be more of a by-standard and absorb conversations, and when there’s a natural moment, ask a question that opens the floor and creates rapport.

Here’s an example–on our mission trip, someone brought up a scar story or something like that, so a leader asked: What is the stupidest way you’ve ever gotten injured? Soon, students are laughing and sharing their stories with one another. Then I get to share how I once sucked a cup to my face so hard, it wouldn’t come off…and when it did, I had a huge circle bruise. Yes, I essentially gave myself a hickey gotee around my mouth.  But had I been like, “Guess what guys? One time…” they would have laughed and gone “Wow she’s weird for sharing that out of the blue” and then Snapchatted to their friends about the weirdo adults on their trip.

It’s kind of like that basic dating rule (you know, since I’m such a guru): Listen more than you talk. If you talk too much about yourself, then that person is going to think that you only care about yourself.  Teenagers want to talk about themselves to people who want to listen.

#SelfieSunday Scavenger Hunt

games, Resources, youth ministry

We played a game yesterday that was OFF THE CHARTS FUN.

#SelfieSunday Scavenger Hunt

The vibe: We didn’t have normal programming in our youth Lodge, but because we already graduated 5th grade to the Lodge, and they did have programming, we decided they could have The Lodge all to themselves. Since it was their 3rd week in, the leaders thought a scavenger hunt would be awesome. Well, if you know me, then you know I’m not just gonna hand a kid a checklist.

The directions:  

  1. I asked students with Instagram and their cell phones on them (I ended up letting a group use mine……whoops) to be group leaders. I told them to take their accounts off private just for a little while.
  2. I counted off the group to split off. We had about 20 5th graders, so we had 5 groups. Having more than 4 or 5 per group makes cramped selfies.
  3. I told them to come up with a group name and use it in every photo that they hashtag, as well as “selfiesundayJH.”
  4. Then I gave them a list of selfies to make and 20 minutes. The energy was WILD.
  5. On the screen I had InstafeedLive. Every time they used our hashtag, the photo would show up on the screen. Again, accounts need to be off private in order for this to work.
  6. When they came back, they looked at the pictures on the screen while I counted up the votes. Honestly, they loved looking at them so I could take my time. #TeamSwagalicious won.

The List of Selfies: Here’s my list!

Because the purpose was to introduce them to The Lodge and let them truly own it for a day, I put some Lodge-specific activities on there. I also put some things for them to “find,” like my St. Louis Cardinals hat that a volunteer was wearing the entire time.

I also let them venture out slightly into the parking lot–a selfie by the Basketball hoop, a selfie in the Recycling Dumpster, a yellow car that they couldn’t find because apparently the people at my church don’t drive those, and more!

Then there’s the “generic selfies”–the photobomb (“sneak selfie”), hair mustaches, a stranger, and of course a most creative selfie.

If you did this with older students or had more time, you could have adults drive them and do fun selfies off-campus. Because of the vibe I was trying to create, I wanted to keep them close.

The product: Amazingness. Our adult leaders were obsessed. Our students were excited. Even when selfies weren’t coming on the screen “fast enough,” they were still eating it up. I received an email from a parent saying it was the best part of her daughter’s day (Happy Mother’s Day!). Kids were commenting on the students’ photos asking what “JH” stood for (one asked if it meant “just hanging”–to which I responded that they could “just hang” with us ANYTIME. I may have embarrassed my student). It was a fun vibe and the students couldn’t stop talking about it. I got approximately 23048 hugs before they left.

Basically–DO IT. IT’S SO MUCH FUN. I CAN’T EVEN.

“Jesus Feminist” and the Why We Need Women Theologians

church, Evangelicalism, theology, women

Although John Piper and I would disagree on how this plays out, a quote of his has stood out to me:

Wimpy theology makes wimpy women. Wimpy theology simply does not give a woman a God that is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, and good enough to handle the realities of life in a way that magnifies the infinite worth of Jesus Christ.”

A few months back I read the book “Jesus Feminist” by Sarah Bessey. The book is simply marvelous. A lot of female theologians tend to bullhorn their theology in a way that is counteractive.  Bessey writes in a way that is empathetic and has a way of saying, “You may disagree, but we both love the Lord the same. Neither of us is more right than the other.”

Her book reminds me why we need female theologians:   We need people to express God’s Word in ways that are sensitive, nurturing, and that narrate the stories of our lives. Bessey’s book does that.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

So may there be grace and kindness, gentleness and love in our hearts, especially for the ones who we believe are profoundly wrong. The Good News is proclaimed when we love each other. I pray for unity beyond conformity, because loving-kindness preaches the gospel more beautifully and truthfully than any satirical blog post or point-by-point dismantling of another disciple’s reputation and teaching. (p5)

Years ago, I practiced anger and cynicism, like a pianist practices scales, over and over. I practiced being defensive —about my choices and my mothering, my theology and my politics. And then I went on the offense. I repeated outrage and anger. I jumped, Pavlovian, to right every wrong and defend every truth, refute every inflammatory blog post, pontificate about every question. Any sniff of disagreement was a dinner bell clanging to my anger: Come and get it! Rally the troops! Like many of us, I called it critical thinking to hide my bitter and critical heart, and I wondered why I had no real joy in this ongoing search for truth. . . I won’t desecrate beauty with cynicism anymore. I won’t confuse critical thinking with a critical spirit, and I will practice, painfully, over and over, patience and peace until my gentle answers turn away even my own wrath (pp. 5-6).

We can choose to move with God, further into justice and wholeness, or we can choose to prop up the world’s dead systems, baptizing injustice and power in sacred language.  (p. 14).

I’m pretty sure my purpose here on earth isn’t to win arguments or perform hermeneutical gymnastics to impress the wealthiest 2 percent of the world. (p. 16).

Throughout the records of the Gospels, I saw how Jesus didn’t treat women any differently than men, and I liked that. We weren’t too precious for words, dainty like fine china . We received no free pass or delicate worries about our ability to understand or contribute or work. Women were not too sweet or weak for the conviction of the Holy Spirit, or too manipulative and prone to jealousy, insecurity, and deception to push back the kingdom of darkness. Jesus did not patronize, and he did not condescend. (pp. 17-18).

“God bless your mother— the womb from which you came, and the breasts that nursed you!” Yet Jesus replied to this common blessing with “But even more blessed are all who hear the word of God and put it into practice.”  Women aren’t simply or only blessed by giving birth to greatness; no, we are all blessed when we hear the Word of God—Jesus— and put it into practice. We don’t rely on secondhand blessings in Jesus.  (pp. 20-21).

I stopped expecting everyone to experience God or church or life like I thought it should be done. In fact , I stopped using the word should about God altogether, I sought God, and he was faithful to answer me. I came to know him as “Abba”— a Daddy. He set me free from crippling approval addiction, from my Evangelical Hero Complex, from the fear of man. He bathed my feet, bound my wounds, gave rest to my soul, restored the joy of church and community to our lives. I learned the difference between critical thinking and being just plain critical. And I found out that he is more than enough, always will be more than enough— yesterday, today, forever. (pp. 49-50).

Stay there in the questions, in the doubts, in the wonderings and loneliness, the tension of living in the Now and the Not Yet of the Kingdom of God, your wounds and hurts and aches, until you are satisfied that Abba is there too. You will not find your answers by ignoring the cry of your heart or by living a life of intellectual and spiritual dishonesty. (p. 52).

People want black-and-white answers, but Scripture is rainbow arch across a stormy sky. Our sacred book is not an indexed answer book or life manual; it is also a grand story, mystery, invitation, truth and wisdom, and a passionate love letter. (pp. 56-57).

It’s dangerous to cherry-pick a few stand-alone verses, particularly when they are used as a weapon to silence and intimidate, effectively benching half the church in the midst of holy harvest season when the harvest is plentiful and the workers are few. But it is equally dangerous to simply get on with doing what we “feel” is right. We cannot ignore any portions of Scripture simply because they make our (post) modern selves uncomfortable. We can’t simply dismiss the parts of the Bible we don’t like— not if we call ourselves followers of The (whole) Way. Nor should we weigh the desires or practices of our own culture and personal experiences to the exclusion of Scripture or tradition  or reason. Theologian N. T. Wright believes that to affirm the “authority of Scripture” is precisely “not to say, ‘We know what scripture means and don’t need to raise anymore questions.’ It is always a way of saying that the church in each generation must make fresh and rejuvenated efforts to understand scripture more fully and live by it more thoroughly, even if that means cutting across cherished traditions.” (pp. 58-59)

But then who is the spiritual head of your home? Only Jesus. Only ever our Jesus. (p. 74).

No, I am a biblical woman because I live and move and have my being in the daily reality of being a follower of Jesus, living in the reality of being loved, in full trust of my Abba. I am a biblical woman because I follow in the footsteps of all the biblical women who came before me.  (pp. 97-98).

Stop waiting for someone else to say that you count, that you matter, that you have worth, that you have a voice, a place, that you are called. Didn’t you know, darling? The One who knit you together in your mother’s womb is the one singing these words over you, you are chosen. Stop waiting for someone else to validate your created self: that is done. Stop holding your breath, working to earn through your apologetics and memorized arguments, through your quietness, your submission, your home, your children, and your “correct” doctrine that God has already freely given to you. Because, darling , you are valuable. You have worth, not because of your gender or your vocation or your marital status. Not because of your labels or your underlined approved-by-the-gatekeepers books or your accomplishments or your checked-off tick boxes next to the celebration you’ve mistaken as a job description in Proverbs 31. (pp. 192-193).

Seven Things Women Want in Youth Ministry

women, youthmin.org

This post originally appeared here: http://youthmin.org/seven-things-women-want-in-youth-ministry/

Being a woman in ministry can be difficult, especially if you are in a denomination that still doesn’t fully support women in ministry.  That’s my story—I’ve been a Southern Baptist my whole (short) life, and I can’t imagine not being SBC, except for the fact that many churches won’t hire me.  And if they do…well, there’s a whole separate list of complaints.

I have intentionally talked with women all over the internet on Twitter, the youthmin.org Facebook page for women, and in my old university network.  Here is a list of things women want.  They are things that men need to hear, and women need to be encouraged by.

I would also like to point out my alternative title: What A Girl Wants, What A Girl Needs (ha!)

  1. A universally true biblical view of leadership.  Biblically, N.T. Wright can explain this better than I can, and without the whole bias of being a woman ;)(http://ntwrightpage.com/Wright_Women_Service_Church.htm).  Culturally, I believe in a model of leadership for youth ministry that has both male and female leaders who complement each other and meet the needs of all the teenagers in the youth group.  The primary leadership role doesn’t matter as much—either a man or a woman who has been theologically trained and commissioned by God can do the job.  In a society where women leadership is embraced even by our political conventions, why is the church still as step behind on this?  (Now, I warn you: If you are anti-women-in-ministry, I’m not looking for a fight. So don’t throw punches in the comment section. K thanks.)
  2. The same amount of respect as a man. A statement that drives me nuts: “I think it is okay for women to lead, I just prefer a man to.”  Grrr.  If a woman is in a denomination that does not “ordain” women as ministers, a woman can get a position leading a youth group; however they will be called a “director” or “leader” and not a “pastor” or “minister” like a male would in that same role with the same training and experience.  This not only cheapens the title, but cheapens the woman.  I did not get a degree in ministry so that I could direct a youth group, but so that I could be the shepherd, or pastor, for that group.  And even if my denomination “allows” it, many within the church will treat me so that I act cautiously and consciously.  ALSO…don’t refer to me as “the girl,” the “minister with boobs,” or refer to my menstruation when I’m emotional. You might find yourself “man-less” (that womanly sass is coming out here!)
  3. People to quit believing that women are too emotional to lead a ministry.  Many assume that because I’m a woman, I’m going to get so emotional that I can’t handle ministry sometimes.  My emotions rarely hinder me, but mostly help me.  Women are emotional human beings; these are gifts of empathy, mercy, and exhortation. Don’t both males and females, especially children and teenagers, need this kind of nurture?  If I get “over-emotional”, it’s because the Father is tugging on my heart to look at something the way he looks at it.  Men and women both have weaknesses that can hinder them in ministry.  Men and women both have spiritual, but also natural, giftings that are used towards ministry. I think that’s why it’s so important to have both in leadership and in discipleship with teenagers.
  4. Churches to quit making a “youth pastor mold” for its leaders to fit into.  Youth pastors don’t need to be able to play the guitar, have crazy haircuts and beards, own TOMS and an iPhone, be great at sports, and love coffee.  It’s because of these clichés and more that women still don’t “look right” in the role of a youth minister.  Plus, most male youth pastors in the mold wear women’s jeans anyway.
  5. More networking opportunities.  Women by nature need community and affirmation.  So it makes zero sense that there are very few groups dedicated to helping women in ministry.  And I’m not talking some red hat society where women get together and drink tea and talk about knitting (although I enjoy all those things, ha!); nor am I talking some feminist community of women trying to figure out ways to catch men “in the act” of sexism.  I’m talking an intentional community of women investing in each other and equipping each other for ministry.  A group of women who desire to see churches use their members’ gifts in all areas of the church.
  6. More women to set the example.  There aren’t many women examples—women bloggers, women speakers at youth ministry conferences, women professors, women youth pastors.  I went to an SBC university, and there was no woman professor in our entire Theology/Ministry college.  Hate to put this fantastic site on blast, but there are currently no women in the 11 contributors.  Sure, this is representative of the youth ministry community—there aren’t many women.  But women need to stop being afraid of the lack and step up! And—
  7. More men need to be willing to step aside and let women lead.  What I have found is that it is very easy to find female volunteers, but not male volunteers.  When it comes to finding a paid leader, it’s easy to find male leaders, but not females.  Why is this so?  Perhaps it is because males are more aggressive in pursuing those roles.  Perhaps it is because women are still trying to decide whether they can be a leader.  But how many women do you know, that are vocational and have families, that have time to volunteer in a youth group?  And if a woman is called to working with teenagers, why expect her to do it for free just because she’s a woman?  There is a “stained glass ceiling,” and both men and women need to change that.   I believe that ministries, especially youth ministry, need both males and females leading alongside each other and discipling teenagers.  I’m not saying that men need to deny their callings just so a woman can do the job; callings can be in many different forms and at many different levels of leadership.  I’m not some feminist who says “anything men can do, I can do better” but a minister who says “anything men do, I want to do with them.”  It’s terribly important in our culture to model strong men and women, and both men and women need to honor those traits in each other.

What #OC14 Taught Me

christianity, junior high ministry, leadership, lgbtq, Ministry, youth ministry

I went to Orange for the first time last week, making that my third ministry conference experience in the last 14 months! Here comes Middle School Campference this fall! :)

Here is the 900-word summary of what I learned:

Youth Ministry is about the Family.

Doug Fields said, “You may be a children’s or youth worker, but you’re also doing marriage ministry.”

Let’s get real: Programs compete with the family. My junior high Sunday nights do nothing to serve the family; it just takes students away from their one family night. If I care about my students, then I care about the time they spend with their families; therefore I need to make sure they get as much time there as possible.

When there’s an issue in the church, we try to answer it with programs.  Heather Zempel said, “Programs to not disciple people. People disciple people.”  She also said, “Instead of finding people to serve structures, find structures that serve people.”

In Reggie Joiner’s breakout, he gave two pointers for ministers in their 20s that I keep thinking about. The first is applicable here: Be intentional about keeping things simple. Yearly decide what to stop in order to do other things better. That doesn’t mean to just get rid of something that’s not working. True leadership comes when you prune strong stuff to make the weak show its potential.

Tension is GOOD.

Reggie gave a message that made my SBC brain officially reconcile with my new UMC ministry.

There are all of these tensions: “I believe that the Bible is God’s word and authoritative” no longer has to compete with “This person needs love.” Reggie Joiner said (something like), “If your beliefs are hurting people, then it is time to reevaluate your beliefs.” He also said, “Kids should feel safe enough to process their doubt so they can own their faith.”

Truth no longer competes with Grace. The Church no longer has to compete with the World. Faith no longer has to compete with Doubt. They can work together, constantly be in tension with one another, and that’s beautiful. You can know God with all your heart, and he can still be a huge mystery. You no longer have to pick one or another; there is no sacrifice in living with tension.

“Say yes to beliefs that matter. Say yes to people who matter more.“

“Say yes to the uncomfortable moments to see lives changed.”

Volunteers need to be owners, not renters.

Reggie Joiner said in a breakout that one of the keys to having a ministry that disciples kids instead of babysitting them is having weekly volunteers who are invested. Having rotating volunteers does nothing for ministry. He said, “You may be teaching kids truth each week with a different leader, but you’re not discipling them.”  He also pointed out that leaders may not understand the need to be there each week because they don’t understand the importance. He said, “People don’t commit to weekly because we haven’t invited them to commit to something significant.”  Our family pastor who was with us, David Williamson, added in our staff discussion: “Are you asking for less of a commitment from volunteers than you expect from attending families?” Brilliant. So brilliant. I plan to blog about this in abundance.

Sue Miller then used an analogy in her breakout about how volunteers need to be owners, and not renters. Owners see a problem in their home and they fix it. Renters call the landlord and expect them to fix it.  We have to convince our volunteers to commit to and sign the mortgage, and be realistic that it may cost them something. They need to learn that it is THEIR house and THEIR ministry…and that they are on a team of people who feel the same. Sue said, “It’s easy to leave a task, but few will leave a family…When volunteers rent, they don’t get deep enough to join a family.”

Jeff Henderson said something that will preach all day, “You will never experience what the church can do for you until you see what the church can do through you.”

We can talk about homosexuality.

Andy Stanley gave the most loving, inclusive talk on same-sex attraction I have ever heard. No matter where your stance is on the subject theologically, it is difficult to argue with Andy on his approach to talking with middle schoolers. Andy said that his church has adopted this statement: “We believe the church should be the safest place to talk about anything, including same-sex attraction.”

Andy reminded us that the answers we give to our kids are the answers that they will have with them for the rest of their lives… Jeff Henderson said that “sometimes ministry gets in the way of ministering.” Sometimes we have to put our personal beliefs on hold to love a kid where they’re at. But especially with junior highers, we don’t need to get into theology. We need to get into Grace. We need to get into Love. And we need to get into the Truth that Jesus loves us right where we’re at. That’ll preach!

One last thought from Jon Acuff: “God will never be handcuffed by the failures nor unleashed by the successes of your ministry.”

And from Mark Batterson: “In an argument with God you need to lose so that you can win.” Because “sometimes God shows up, and sometimes God shows off.”

What did you guys learn at Orange? My head is spinning. :)