One of the most common questions I see in youth ministry Facebook groups is: “How do I create a safety policy that fully includes and protects LGBTQIA+ teenagers?”

A few years ago, I noticed more queer youth showing up in the congregation I served. As I listened to them, I realized some of our well-meaning practices were falling short of true inclusion: gendered small groups, gendered sleeping arrangements, name tags with birth names, binary restrooms—you name it.

What I love about this generation is that they’ll tell you when you miss the mark. I had teenagers say, “Heather, you say this church is inclusive, but…”

So I turned to the experts. I reached out to Indiana Youth Group—a local nonprofit creating safe, inclusive, nonreligious spaces for teens. They schooled me (gently but thoroughly!) and helped me draft a policy that aligned with best practices and deep care.

These policies were originally written for my church at the time (a Methodist congregation), and since then, they’ve been adapted by UMC, Episcopal, Presbyterian, and Lutheran communities. My hope is that they’re helpful to others crafting inclusive policies for youth. Please feel free to adapt them—no attribution needed. I’m simply paying forward what was so generously shared with me.

General Guidelines:

• At [Church Name], we affirm that every person is made in the image of God and deeply beloved—regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. We are committed to building a ministry environment where LGBTQIA+ youth are not only safe, but celebrated as whole and holy.
• All staff and volunteers will receive training on LGBTQIA+ inclusion, including appropriate language, confidentiality, and how to respond to microaggressions or harassment. This training is required prior to serving in any capacity with youth.
• Never assume someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Youth identities can be fluid—so listen with openness and curiosity.
• Avoid reinforcing gender stereotypes in conversation, leadership, or activities.
• Always affirm a young person’s chosen name and pronouns.
• Respect privacy. If a child or youth shares their identity with you confidentially, keep that trust. Share only with the appropriate staff if necessary for care or support. Staff will not disclose a student’s sexual orientation or gender identity to parents/guardians without the student’s express consent. If a youth shares this information with you, you may offer to support them in telling their parents, but must honor their privacy unless a safety risk exists.
• Parents/guardians are not required to disclose if their child is transgender. However, if they feel comfortable doing so, sharing this information helps our team provide a more thoughtful and affirming experience.

Restrooms and Overnights:

• Our goal is to make gender-neutral restrooms and sleeping accommodations the standard, not the exception. This best practice ensures inclusivity for youth across the gender spectrum, helps all participants feel seen, and reduces the burden of disclosure or the need for special arrangements.
• Youth who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual may use restrooms and stay in sleeping arrangements consistent with their biological gender.
• Youth who are transgender or gender-fluid may use the restroom and overnight accommodations consistent with their gender identity.
• Always defer to compassion and dignity when navigating these decisions. If questions arise, consult staff.

Group Assignments:

• Best practice is to avoid splitting youth into gendered groups by default. Gendered activities can unintentionally exclude or cause discomfort for LGBTQIA+ youth. Whenever possible, create groups based on age, interests, or other non-gendered criteria.
• That said, we recognize that some youth do enjoy the camaraderie of gender-specific groups. At the start of the year, offer all youth the option to choose between female, male, or gender-inclusive small groups.
• Ensure all groups, regardless of gender composition, are safe, respectful, and affirming spaces.
• Leaders are trained to create environments free from homophobia, bullying, or exclusionary behavior. There is zero tolerance for harm.

Responding to Violations

Disrespectful behavior, harassment, or bullying based on gender identity or sexual orientation will not be tolerated. Any reports of such behavior will be taken seriously and handled in a timely and confidential manner.

• If between youth: Pastoral staff will meet with all involved to assess impact, offer care, and, when appropriate, guide restorative conversations.
• If involving an adult volunteer or staff: The supervising leader will follow up within 24 hours. Disciplinary action may include reassignment or removal from their role.