leadership

Apathy is not the Problem

christianity, church, leadership, unchurched, youth ministry

Teenagers do well if they want to.  This is a “fact;” there have been many resources trying to help parents, leaders, and youth workers get their teenagers to be less apathetic.  I’ve read some of these, and agree that apathy is certainly a problem.  So, we spend week after week at the pulpits trying to inspire teenagers to commit to change.  We pour into their lives with discipleship, trying to get them to see that someone cares about them, and therefore they should care too.  Yet at the end of the day, we leaders can feel extremely empty and dry.  I know personally that I can pour out everything that I have into students and often times it dries me up emotionally, physically, spiritually.  I read articles that tell me how to motivate, but I feel like I’m doing my best job!  I’m sure everyone who reads this relates to this frustration.

So what if apathy isn’t the problem?

It’s certainly a problem; I mean, if it’s not our teenagers’ lack of motivation, what is stopping them from growing in faith?  Instead of simply trying to inspire them, what if we looked at what they’re apathetic about and encourage change in action and not in behavior?  The mentality is no longer “Teens do well if they want to,” but “Teens do well if the’re able to.”

This model was first described in the book The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene.  Watch him explain more about this idea in this video.  I attended a training session on this idea this last month, and wanted to share what I learned with the youth ministry community.

Under the mentality of “Teenagers do well if they’re able to,” it’s no longer about if they want to or not.  Some teenagers want to advance the gospel but still can’t because all they’re being told is “do it” but they don’t know how.  Some teenagers want to quit a particular sin, but don’t have the tools to stop.  They want to, but can’t.  If you give them the tools, they’ll be able to.  And for those teenagers who don’t want to, even Martin Luther King couldn’t inspire that teen; but if you teach them the tools, they might change without even wanting to.  It’s like a teenager who doesn’t want to go to school–the underlying problem is they think they are stupid.  If you educate them, they can succeed anyway, even if they never wanted to. Ha! Tricksy!

This changes our roles as youth leaders drastically:  We are no longer a motivator, but an equipper.  Greene says that with the old model, our job greatly narrows what the teenager can do in their life–making them want  to do something and nothing more.  Under this new model, pastoring is not as much about transferring our desire for the gospel, but our knowledge of the gospel.  Pastoring isn’t about motivating teenagers with the best fluff and feel-good stuff you got, but about giving them the tools.  Sure, apathy is a problem.  Yes, we should definitely try to inspire and motivate our students to share the same passion as us.  Of course, there will be some teens that don’t change; this model is not the answer to all of your youth ministry problems.  If you give them the tools and they still aren’t changing, then you shouldn’t feel dry as you may have before; you’ve done your best job as a youth pastor.

What do you guys think about this model?  How do you think this may impact the way that you do ministry? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Standards in Youth Ministry @youth_min

Contributions, leadership, youth ministry, youthmin.org

standards in youth ministry

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/standards-in-youth-ministry/

Sometimes I feel the most humbling lessons I learn in ministry come straight from looking at what my teenagers are struggling with.  This week?

One of the things I feel like I’ve been pounding into my teenagers lately is the fact that we set extremely unrealistic standards for ourselves, standards that we don’t hold anyone else to.  Teenagers feel like they need a boyfriend/girlfriend in order to fit in, yet don’t judge a friend or even an adult leader at church for being single.  Female teenagers feel like they have to be thin in order to fit in, and male teenagers feel like they need to be built.  So I ask them, “I’m an unmarried, hefty adult.  Am I worthy of love?”  They assure me that I am.  So I ask, “Why do you hold yourself to a standard that you don’t hold me to?”  They usually take a while to chew on that before humbling.

Later, when I think and pray over these conversations, the irony hits me: In my ministry, I hold myself to standards that I don’t hold other youth ministers to.  Here are a few:

  • I expect my ministry to grow exponentially, but when another church doesn’t grow or it even loses members, I don’t think twice.  I spend nights crying over lost students in my church, but not over others.
  • I force myself to read tons and tons of books or write tons and tons of blogs, but don’t think that others need to do this.  Educationally, I hold myself to a different standard.
  • I expect all of my students to read their Bibles daily, pray, and have real relationships with Jesus.
  • I wish for my next church to be a huge church, or to become the next Josh Griffin, or to become famous in the youth ministry world (don’t lie, you want this too).  But obviously everyone can’t be famous, obviously there’s a need for small-church youth pastors, and obviously I’m not as cool as Josh Griffin.
  • Personally, I push myself further because I am a female, and I feel like I need to somehow be “better” than the males in my field, to somehow “prove” myself.
  • I set the standard that it is my responsibility alone to do these things.  With this expectation, I miss out on what my volunteers are able of doing, but more importantly forget about the work that is necessary for parents to do.

It is extremely dangerous to pressure ourselves to be perfect, when we don’t expect that out of others.  It is also incredibly egocentric. So I encourage you, fellow friends in youth ministry, to look at these standards you are holding yourself to.  Do you hold others to the same?  In the same way that a teenage girl needs to drop the ideal of a thin physique in order to be worthy, what are some standards that you need to drop in order to create a healthier ministry?

Confessions of a Lazy Christian

christianity, faith, leadership, youth ministry

I have fallen.

I admit it.

I have inherited the apathy of my culture.

I’ve been lazy.

 

I suppose it has happened over time. It’s generally not something that happens overnight.

I think Bible college has something to do with it.

So does my called profession.

 

I got lazy somewhere along the way: confusing exegeting for a Sunday morning with my personal quiet time; mixing up praying with students and praying for students; leading people to God and letting God lead me to Him.

 

I know we all get to this point…so I am encouraged.

I’ve known this for a very long time, I’ve acknowledged it; I have even prayed for forgiveness countless times and “vowed” this would be the last time.

But.

It wasn’t.

It won’t be.

 

I’m so thankful for a God who does not see my deeds, but my heart. My heart does yearn for him, but I have been lazy with it.

 

When I got serious about my relationship with God, it was for my calling to ministry. But now that I’m out of college and out of teaching three times a week at a church, I need to rediscover a relationship with God outside of ministry.

I’m pretty sure Martha Stewart takes time to cook outside of her shows, and I’m pretty sure that P. Diddy raps even when not in rehearsal, and I’m pretty sure that Jeff Gordon races his car down the highway (who doesn’t?).

So I’m pretty sure that God, who I love more than Martha loves cooking, is worth time outside of ministry.

I need to relearn what that looks like.

 

I decided that next year, I am going to go through the book “Celebration of Discipline” and concentrate on a new discipline every month, slowly re-incorporating them into my every day life. January: Meditation.  I will re-figure this out.

 

No, I don’t think I’m in spiritual danger.

Yes, I want a deeper relationship with God.

No, I’m not taking a hiatus from ministry.

Yes, I will study the Bible outside of when I have to teach it.

 

I encourage you to take this journey with me.

Prenancy in Youth Ministry @youth_min

church, Contributions, leadership, women, youth ministry, youthmin.org

pregnant volunteers

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/pregnancy-in-youth-ministry/

Pregnancy in youth ministry:  Nope, I am not talking about your teenagers, I am talking about your ministers.  Starting a family is an intimidating thought to begin with, but trying to balance it with ministry is even more difficult.  Imagine being a woman in ministry: having to deal with morning sickness in Sunday School, the pregnancy leave from the ministry, the breastfeeding at church camp.  Trying to figure out the whole pregnancy thing brings so many questions, but mainly How can I do this?  

Women ministers, are you pregnant or thinking about starting a family?  While I have never been pregnant myself, I have done some research and talked with the fine ladies in our Facebook group.  Please chime in with additional advice in the comment section!

While You’re Pregnant

  • Decide how you’re going to inform your pastor, the church, and the youth group.  It is probably not the best idea to post it on Facebook and let everyone go crazy.  It will be much more professional and personal to do it in person.
  • Start preparing your volunteers to take charge of the ministry while you leave on pregnancy leave.  As the pregnancy progresses, you are going to have days where you are not going to be as reliable as you once were.  Prepare them so that if you have to leave the lesson to relieve your bursting bladder, they will be able to pick it up.
  • Make a plan with your husband.  How is this all going to look when the baby gets here?  Will one of you take a little extra time off?  What is your schedule going to look like once the baby gets here?
  • Realize that you can’t do the same activities you could before.  But just because you cannot zip-line or ski does not mean your students cannot!  There are ways for you to be able to go on trips with them without having to do the activities; and if you just can’t go, no one will blame you.  Do not feel like your level of commitment lessens—your students will understand why you do not want to tube on your pregnant belly (well, you might have to explain it to the middle school boys).

The Pregnancy Leave

  • Know your laws about maternity leaves.  Investigate what that looks like and talk to your church about how they will accommodate that.
  • Do as much preparation as you can in as much advance as you can.  Will your church hire a temporary youth minister, or will you have to equip volunteers to run the ministry while you are gone?  Whatever you choose, you will have to decide early on in your pregnancy; you do not want to have to decide these things and prepare volunteers to do your job when your hormones are raging, your back is hurting, and you feel exhausted and burned-out from a baby kicking your insides.
  • Decide your level of commitment beforehand—how involved will you be?  Will you be around and available to volunteers, or will you be strict about your maternity leave?  Will you even come near your church during this time?  You will need to decide these things.  Typically a maternity leave means “no contact,” but will that work for your ministry?  Most importantly—stick to your plan!  There will be people calling you up while you are still in the hospital unless you make it clear exactly your level of involvement during this period.
  • Do not be afraid to ask for help; you are performing life’s greatest miracle and need time to recover as well as spend time with your precious newborn.  You do not need to worry about a ministry on top of breastfeeding.  Relax and trust that everything will be fine while you’re gone.

After You’ve Returned to the Ministry

  • Realize that it will take some time to adjust, even after you return to the church.  Many women struggle with their emotions following having a baby.
  • Do not be discouraged when you find you cannot commit the same way you used to.  Fortunately you work for the church, a building full of God’s saints.  Even though the church may not always be pretty, no one can resist a baby.  No teenager will be mad because you missed the mud tug-o-war because you were taking care of your baby.  In fact, having a baby might unite your students in ways you never expected.  Realize that you have a youth group full of babysitters who will take your baby off your hands (and if not your students, their parents will be willing to help).  Every woman I have talked to has talked about how great their church was to them throughout their pregnancy and after the baby was born.  Trust that it will be fine.

Remember: You can be a minister AND a mom.  You will show your youth how to prioritize and balance God, your marriage, your new family, and your ministry.  Allow the Holy Spirit to lead your motherly senses. :)

Why I Work With Teenagers

leadership, youth ministry

Update: This post was nominated for YouthMin.Org’s “Best Youth Ministry Blog Post of 2012” contest. I made it all the way to the top 34, and was in 17th place, too short to make it to the Sweet Sixteen! I am blessed to have been nominated, and hope that you have been blessed by this post.

 

I love youth ministry. I just love it. I blog about it, tweet about, study it, think about it, pray about it, etc.  I just love it.

I’m currently working in a residential ministry where I work with older teenage girls who are trying to learn practical skills to transition into the adult world.  It’s a challenge in many ways,  but residential ministry has provided some of the most raw ministry I have ever experienced–not many of my youth minister friends can recount moments where they’ve had runaways, experienced a teenager attempting suicide, physically dangerous altercations, or teens in their face screaming obscenities…all while living in the same house as them.  I’m daily struggling to model grace to people who daily fail me.  Yet I really can’t picture myself not working with teenagers.

I’ve heard many times (especially from teens who are in state care) “Why do you work with teenagers?”  I usually brush it off and say “I like it” or “I don’t know” or the occasional “I can take the abuse.”  But this week I really thought about it.

I was called to youth ministry at the age of 17, while volunteering in the youth ministry in my church.  It was others’ conviction in my church that even made me aware of this calling.  I fought it, but came to the conclusion that it was God’s will.  I didn’t understand it, but ever since I’ve been devoted and have realized that I have natural and spiritual giftings that have placed me in this ministry.

But WHY do I like it?  WHY do I do ministry?  It’s not just because I want to give the Gospel–I could be an evangelist, a writer, or even a worker at Walmart.  It’s not that.

It’s not because I like working with teenagers, either.  I mean, I love them, don’t get me wrong.  But this is a hard ministry–teenagers can be manipulative, and there are always hard moments when one has failed you. Emotionally, this is a taxing ministry.  There are days when all I can do is pop in the second VHS of Titanic and cry the night away because of something that has happened.

It’s also not because I think the church is a great place to work either.  I believe in the church, I am devoted to the Church as a whole and to the church community.  But church can be a messy place to work.

So, I’m sure you’re thinking by now “This girl is not called.  She isn’t in it for the Gospel, because teenagers are rewarding, or because she believes in the church.”  I didn’t say that exactly.  I am in it for all those things, but they aren’t the reason I like working with teenagers.  At the end of the day those reasons aren’t the reasons that keep me going.  Maybe I’m wrong for that.

When I was a teenager, I had a rough life.  I had absent parents in an urban community where I was easiy influenced and made bad decisions.  I had to make it through myself–figure out how to cook, clean, drive, pay for college, etc.  More than that, I had to learn what it looks like to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.    I had very few positive influences in my life, and really relied on God alone to get me through a lot of situations and had to find my own resources when it came to practical needs.  What I love about youth ministry is making a difference in lives that need the difference; being that consistent mentor and provider for someone.  I love it when I can teach a teenager a new skill, whether it’s a new meal to prepare, a fun word in Spanish, or a concept in the Bible.  I love being a sounding board for problems and being a constant source of confidentiality.  I love providing teenagers with resources so that they can better their lives.

This is why I love working with teenagers–to give them someone that I didn’t have.  This is also why it’s crucial for me to act with integrity and consistency.

We all have something special that we bring to the youth ministry table, something unique that helps us connect to our students.  I challenge you to think about why you love working with teenagers.  Let’s be honest, there are reasons deeper than “spreading the gospel” or “loving the church.”  Because there are easier ways to do that than working with teenagers.  And it’s not “loving teenagers” that is the sole reason why we do ministry; because teenagers break our hearts no matter if you work in a church, a school, or as a parent.  Why is it?  I would love to hear your reasons :)

Don’t just "understand" the other side, EMPATHIZE.

america, Blogs about Heather, christianity, church, faith, freedom, leadership, lgbtq, love, sin, social activism, theology, unchurched
I have half a dozen or so documents in my laptop right now of “potential blogposts” of different rants and ramblings about politics; from Chick-Fil-A to the ability for a Christian to vote different political parties to my stance on gay marriage, I have been wanting to speak out for a while now.  But I have held back.  Why?  Because there are others who can say it better.  Because I’m no expert.  Because I’m still learning.

That is what I want to emphasize today in my all-encompassing post on politics, ethics, and anything else that seems to matter these days.  I am extremely irritated with the election, as both “sides” of the United States are exposing their dirty ignorance and disregard for people who do not agree with them.  It is this mentality of, “If a person does not agree with my political stance, which is the only way, then their entire character must be attacked publicly.”  One day I posted on Facebook, “I think it says a lot about President Obama’s character for him to visit Joplin a year after the tornado came through.”  I wasn’t making a political statement, just a statement of appreciation for the remembrance of a small town near me that had been devastated by a storm.  One parent of one of my youth wrote, “I think we should all worry about Heather’s character.”  Then a full-fledged debate began on my status about gay marriage, Obama being a dirty Muslim from Kenya, etc.  One of my friends wrote, “Shame on all of you.  This status wasn’t about any of that.”  And it wasn’t, but to many Christian brothers and sisters that I respect, a politician that they don’t agree with can’t have any redeeming qualities.

I think it’s extremely dangerous to claim to hold absolute knowledge of any subject.  I’m sure some of you are shocked, as I am a Christian and you probably are too; how can I say that I don’t know undoubtedly that God exists?  Simply, if I knew it wouldn’t be called faith.  I know it in my heart, but empirically I do not know that.  I’m not a skeptic, and I’m not saying that if I don’t know things, that I can’t express my opinions on them; in fact my faith in God precedes all other faiths I have and consequentially demands me to express that faith.  The point I’m trying to make is:  It is extremely important to be empathetic to opinions that differ from your own, for you do not know your opinions to be fact.  In fact, it becomes dangerous when you claim to know it all and aren’t empathetic.

Why?  Because once you claim to hold the key to knowledge on a particular subject, you get arrogant.  You push people away from you with your words and your attitude.  For example:  Those Christians who are outspoken about gay marriage push people who agree with it away; it scars the LGBTQQ community and its allies and pushes people away from the Christ who ate meals with prostitutes, tax collectors, and the self-righteous.  Christians (and everyone else) definitely have the right to discuss their opinions and alleged knowledge on a subject; but if we aren’t empathetic of the other side, we can and will push them away.  I took some time trying to understand the LGBTQQ community a few years ago when a group came to my conservative Christian university to speak out against our allegedly persecuting contract that we had to sign in order to be a student there.  Instead of pushing my doctrine, I took the time to listen; a time of learning and growth.  Once I heard the stories of how they’ve been treated by people inside the Church, I began to understand that it’s not necessarily my place to indoctrinate a homosexual upon meeting them (and that’s just the beginning of that journey).  It went without being said what I believed.  I spent time trying to be empathetic, not with the sole goal of strengthening my argument, but because there were things on the other side of the debate that I never even considered.  And my opinion, although not perfected today, has come a long way.

I think this is also apparent in the Neo-Calvinist movement within the SBC, trying to take it back to its supposed Calvinistic roots and forcing churches to adhere to them and teach them as if it’s an essential truth in order to believe in God.  Every time I found out someone that I knew was a Calvinist, I would judge them.  I am currently very sympathetic to Calvinism, but took a long time telling anybody; I was fearful that I would be labeled as an arrogant, close-minded reformer like many of the Neo-Calvinist leaders are looked at. Also, I’m not 100% sure on any of it.  I once thought I was when I was anti-Calvinist, and then I read scriptures and listened to people and changed my mind.  I might change my mind again.  But more importantly, why is it necessary to be sure on this topic?  It cheapens God’s sovereignty in my claim that I am all-knowing on any subject.  When we become face-to-face before God, we’re going to learn that a lot of our political, ethical, and even religious beliefs were wrong (I honestly can’t wait for God to go, “Heather, remember how you were so arrogant about __? Well, you were wrong, and there’s grace for you because I was more important to you than even that.”).

This goes beyond politics and quarrels within the Church.  This comes to our everyday life.  It is well-heard, “Before you judge someone, walk in their shoes.”  I think it’s dangerous to form an opinion, and especially to claim knowledge of a subject, without hearing all sides.  More than hearing them, but understanding them (taking their place and walking in their shoes).  Understanding a side different than yours takes more than reading a few books or listening to a few podcasts.  It takes learning from people, talking with people.  This should be especially true within the church.  We are to be in community with one another, and it strongly discredits Christ’s love for the Church when we break off communion with one another on topics that we haven’t taken the time to understand.  Maybe that person is a Calvinist because they don’t believe they could have found God without Him choosing them.  Maybe that woman hates hymns because she didn’t make it past 8th grade and has a small vocabulary.  Maybe that man isn’t a fan of small groups because his last one gossiped the entire time.  Maybe that man doesn’t come to church on Sundays because the only job he can find works those days.  Maybe that woman is pro-choice because her sister could have died in a pregnancy.  Maybe that Christian man is a Democrat because the fight against social injustice overrides the need to ban gay marriage.  Maybe that lady is for gay marriage because she separates legal marriage from covenant relationships.  Instead of judging people, understand them.  You don’t have to agree, but you don’t even need to tell them that either (with proper discourse, that will naturally come in a non-pushy way).  You just need to see people the way Jesus sees them: broken, fallen, and beautiful.  Christ sees you that way too.  You are just as much His bride as the rest of the Church; in fact, you are His bride together and that entails the need for empathy.  And at the end of the day, if you still disagree with them, that doesn’t mean their entire character should be shattered, especially if they are a follower of Christ; if you agree on the essential truths of salvation, then you are still a part of the Church and should edify one another.

Occasionally, you are going to run into a person who says while debating with you, “I’m listening to you, but I’ve heard this all before.  I’ve thought through this topic and have my opinion.”  This translates, “I’m listening to your comments, but I already know all there is to know on the subject and there is no new information you can give me.  There is no point in debating me, because I won’t change my mind but will debunk all your arguments in the most mocking way I can.”  THIS. IS. DANGEROUS.  I can’t tell you how much I have thought through, prayed through, and talked through different topics.  I may have strong opinions on subjects, but the day I claim to have it all together: please take me out of the local church before I infect people with my arrogant ignorance. Can you tell I am hurting right now?  Yes.  Because I used to be the person who was arrogant to think that they knew it all and only struck up debates to be the smart conqueror of them.  Because right now, people are discrediting me for being provocative in thinking and trying to be the “Devil’s Advocate” and understand both sides of issues.  But primarily because in a world where we have tragedies such as mass murders, children starving, public shootings, and great moments of glory like the young people beast-moding the Olympics; we are more concerned about our disagreement with a single politician or company that supports an ethic stance that differs from ours than for understanding our brothers and sisters.

ps, as I finish this post, I’m like “what do I even name this?!” hah.

What I miss about Youth Ministry

church, leadership, youth ministry

Two months ago, I quit my job as a youth minister at a church in order to follow God’s will and move back to St. Louis to help out with my family. The last two months has been an extremely interesting time for me, as I graduated college and moved in with my grandparents transitionally, assisted in the transferring of my sister’s custody from my parents, and am learning what it means to rest and not do anything. I am job-seeking and often discouraged, because I miss doing ministry and can’t see my life doing anything else.

 Here are some things I miss about doing youth ministry (in no particular order):

  • Sword fights with middle school boys. 
  • Being in a library surrounded by exegetical commentaries. 
  • Having crazy stories to tell my friends and anyone else I force to listen about this week’s hilarious thing that happened to me/a youth. 
  • Rolling my eyes as the girls seek out “potential suitors” for me 
  • Teaching thrice a week…I love teaching. 
  • Discipling teenage girls one-on-one. 
  • Answering relationship advice from boys. 
  • Getting random gifts.
  • Helping students through sin in their life. 
  • “Excuses/Reasons” to be constantly in the Word. 
  • Being invited over for home cooking.
  • Students making fun of me because my car makes weird noises. 
  • “Thirsty Thursdays”—picking up teens from school and going to Sonic for happy hour. 
  • Commenting on every single one of their Facebook statuses…haha 
  • Feeling essential in their life when they need prayer for someone I don’t even know. 
  • I even miss being used as a chauffeur when they want to go to a sports game or concert and “need a responsible adult” to go with them. 
  • All-nighters.
  • Forcing Christian rap upon impressionable students.
  • Conversations about spiritual gifts.
  • That moment when I throw out some Greek and the HS boys think I’m legit. 
  • Working through crazy analogies with students, like “spiritual pants.”  I still am unsure about that one. 
  • Challenging students.
  • Being made fun of because I’m from the “hood.”
  • Building relationships with parents. Definitely one of my favorite things. 
  • Coming to my pastor when I’m worn out and venting without his judgment and getting straight-up counsel.
  • Thirty Hour Famine, camp, VBS, missions projects, all that good stuff.
  • I even miss complaining. I must be crazy.
  • The cards, notes, Facebook posts/messages, and hugs of encouragement from parents and other adults in the church.
I love ministry, and yearn for that time when I can do it again! :)

Why the Honeymoon Has to End

church, leadership, youth ministry

I heard repeatedly in my college youth ministry classes that in ministry, there is always this initial “honeymoon” that each minister goes through.  For a few months if you’re good, half a year if you’re lucky, a year if the church has their heads in the clouds just like you…haha.   I didn’t believe it in class, and even had an arrogance to how long I could go before it did.  The honeymoon has to end eventually though.  Why?

1.  Because you’re bound to screw up eventually.
I went 9 months strong before my honeymoon ended.  Every time I messed up, I would “wince” to how harsh the punishment could get.  Like the time we painted our youth room and paint got all over the church…we cleaned it up quickly but you know there is going to be that one kid that talks and tells the wrong person ;).  Or the time I drove on the wrong side of the road (in my defense, it was a country road at midnight, and the youth assured me I was doing the right thing).  But those weren’t what hurt me thankfully, because those are the things that get addressed immediately.  What are the mistakes that get us in trouble?  Lack of communication with parents, with students, with other church leaders.  And yes, the occasionally “dumb” accident like I stated.  We’re human.  We screw up.  We say “crap” to the wrong person and it offends them.  We get a ticket from speeding in the church van.  Someone breaks an arm on the slip-in-slide we made slick with Tide.  It’s bound to happen that we screw up.

2. Because you finally understand the flaws of the ministry you are serving.
The first few months you kind of go through the motions, “try out” some different programs or formats of youth meetings, grow relationships, but most importantly get a grasp of who are the student leaders and who needs the most attention.  You understand why the church or youth group isn’t growing.  You begin seeing why teens come on Wednesday nights and not Sunday mornings.  And these are things that start bothering you inside.  Tension grows between you and whatever aspect of the church/ministry you feel is a hindrance–is it the music? preaching? volunteers? the students? yourself?  These things start piling up, little thing by little thing, and they result in a burn-out.  I know that in my “Christian Ministry Apprenticeship” class, we talked about all kinds of mock situations that would happen in church, and I would boldly say exactly what I would do.  My professor loved my energy and enthusiasm, but called me naive.  I understand why now.  When those situations arise, we rack our brains 24/7 trying to come up with how to solve the solution, how to talk to your pastor or another person about it, etc.  I can rehearse in my head 2340874 times how I want to talk to Church Council about something, but it never comes out the way it sounds in my head.  So sometimes we don’t say it.  And our ministry hurts as a result of our “good intentions” of not hurting others or our paycheck.

3.  Because you are drained…and need a vacation.
Except when you are a minister, you can call it a sabbatical and it makes it sound needed, not just for fun!  People don’t understand how draining ministry can be.  Putting any conflict aside, it’s draining pouring out your life to individuals who frankly don’t care most of the time (especially if you don’t get the response you desire). Burn-out is bound to happen.

Don’t get me wrong, the honeymoon ending stinks.  But it is necessary.  Now that your head is out of the clouds, you can honestly address the needs of the ministry and of the church.

Questions I have for you reading:
How do you address these situations in your church?
What do you do when you are burned out?

Our Ministry "Halos"

leadership, music, youth ministry

Something I really struggle with in ministry is learning how vulnerable I can be with my students.  As in, how much of my sin do I show them?

I remember a child coming to me last year asking me about Jesus.  I asked her, about 7 or 8 years old, if she did bad things, AKA “sinned.”  She agreed.  I said, “You’re right! You sin, your mom sins, I sin, even your leaders Pam and John sin!” (the leaders of the community center, names changed because frankly I can’t remember them).  She responded with, “Whoaaaaaaaa…”  She didn’t realize that everyone, including people she looked up to, did bad things just like her.

I think our students have forgotten that we, their leaders, sin.  I personally royally screw up daily.  But how much do I tell my students?  How vulnerable do I get with them?

I don’t claim to have all the answers, but here are two things I am learning:

1. You need to be vulnerable.
A few months ago, we were talking one night about anger; how we can’t come before God with a pure heart if we are still angry with a brother or sister.  I was, dare I say “preaching” for a moment, then it hit me:  I had two people in my life that I needed to make amends with.  And I shared this with them.  This really helped me teach.  The next week, I told them the progress I had made, and through my life lesson was able to teach them.  I tell them that I struggle with pride, but that’s a “safe” sin.  What if it’s not a “safe” sin to talk about it the church?  Read on.

2.  They don’t need to know every detail.
I partied in high school.  I consumed alcohol and did not honor my pledge of purity.  How much do I tell them?  What do I say?  Obviously, I don’t tell them what kinds of drinks I thought were tasty, which ones had the worst hangovers, etc.  But what about when it comes to purity?  What do they need to know?  Saying, “Well, I didn’t have sex, but I wasn’t doing what I needed to be doing.”  Then their minds start racing, and their respect for their youth leader, does it vanish?  What do I say?  Sex isn’t one of those things that seems “safe” to talk about in church, especially with a group of teenagers.  But it is so necessary.

3.  We are held to a higher standard.
This is the tough part.  In my last post, I talked about how teenagers thing very concretely; so speeding may be considered an awful sin to one, saying “crap” may be considered a sin, etc.  Basically, if an action is questionable, we shouldn’t do it.  This makes me think about the age-old question: Do we listen to “secular” music in the church van?  What if they realize I know the lyrics?  Do I lose respect?  I’m posing too many questions to answer in this post.  This is also where we remind ourselves that we are LEADERS and not FRIENDS (well, friendly leaders).  They don’t need to see how I know every word to Ke$ha in order to like me.  In fact, I should probably not brag about that right now.  Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.  Some famous dude said that…;)

4.  They need to understand that we are not to be put on a pedestal.
Students need to understand that even their leaders fall into sin.  Period.  I am not perfect.  They need to remember that the only model we have of what it looks like to lead a perfect life is Jesus Christ himself.  Does this justify us leaders to do whatever the heck we want?  Definitely not.  Even the holiest people sin; this shouldn’t discourage us but encourage us to follow the one example we got.  And going back to point 3, we DO need to try to be that example to them, yet we ain’t gonna get it right.

Here is one of my favorite songs that reminds me not to put myself on a pedestal:

Also, I wanted to post a song that I came out when I was in high school.  I LOVED it; it was on my favorite show, One Tree Hill.  It’s called “Halo.” enjoy! :)

As you can see, I by no means have this figured out.  I need help in this.  I’m really struggling.  I need to be respected as a leader, yet I need to relate.  Do I use my own experiences?  What do I say about things?  What about the sin I struggle with now?
Youth pastors, how much do you share with your youth?