What I miss about Youth Ministry

church, leadership, youth ministry

Two months ago, I quit my job as a youth minister at a church in order to follow God’s will and move back to St. Louis to help out with my family. The last two months has been an extremely interesting time for me, as I graduated college and moved in with my grandparents transitionally, assisted in the transferring of my sister’s custody from my parents, and am learning what it means to rest and not do anything. I am job-seeking and often discouraged, because I miss doing ministry and can’t see my life doing anything else.

 Here are some things I miss about doing youth ministry (in no particular order):

  • Sword fights with middle school boys. 
  • Being in a library surrounded by exegetical commentaries. 
  • Having crazy stories to tell my friends and anyone else I force to listen about this week’s hilarious thing that happened to me/a youth. 
  • Rolling my eyes as the girls seek out “potential suitors” for me 
  • Teaching thrice a week…I love teaching. 
  • Discipling teenage girls one-on-one. 
  • Answering relationship advice from boys. 
  • Getting random gifts.
  • Helping students through sin in their life. 
  • “Excuses/Reasons” to be constantly in the Word. 
  • Being invited over for home cooking.
  • Students making fun of me because my car makes weird noises. 
  • “Thirsty Thursdays”—picking up teens from school and going to Sonic for happy hour. 
  • Commenting on every single one of their Facebook statuses…haha 
  • Feeling essential in their life when they need prayer for someone I don’t even know. 
  • I even miss being used as a chauffeur when they want to go to a sports game or concert and “need a responsible adult” to go with them. 
  • All-nighters.
  • Forcing Christian rap upon impressionable students.
  • Conversations about spiritual gifts.
  • That moment when I throw out some Greek and the HS boys think I’m legit. 
  • Working through crazy analogies with students, like “spiritual pants.”  I still am unsure about that one. 
  • Challenging students.
  • Being made fun of because I’m from the “hood.”
  • Building relationships with parents. Definitely one of my favorite things. 
  • Coming to my pastor when I’m worn out and venting without his judgment and getting straight-up counsel.
  • Thirty Hour Famine, camp, VBS, missions projects, all that good stuff.
  • I even miss complaining. I must be crazy.
  • The cards, notes, Facebook posts/messages, and hugs of encouragement from parents and other adults in the church.
I love ministry, and yearn for that time when I can do it again! :)

Value of Community

church, updates

I am twelve days away from graduation, and it’s starting to feel extremely nostalgic.  Who I was four years ago is completely different from who I am today.  It’s hard to even compare who I am to who I was, for God has done a great work in me; I’m sure that I will continue changing and perfecting in my sainthood as a disciple.

When I think my last four years at Southwest Baptist University, it’s crazy to see the way my life has gradually formed.  I have had so many groups of friends over the past few years, but my relationships with everybody have changed as we’ve grown.  This isn’t a bad thing; for I have learned what it looks like to live in community with people without seeing them every day.  This is one of the greatest lessons I have learned: community.
Growing up, I was drawn to the church because of community.  There was something about church that drew me to it, and I always assumed that it was “love” that I didn’t get at home.  I got love at home, but it was different at church.  This is probably the reason I loved youth group so much when I got to high school; I grew a family that I did everything with and that I sacrificed other things for because I believed in the group as a whole.
So college has affirmed these things and caused a paradigm shift in what church, community, and even my relationship with God look like.  I used to think that my relationship with God was “just between Him and me,” but I’m beginning to understand that this relationship is more about God and His Church.  I am important, and have individual value in His ideas; yet there is something more than the individuality that my culture has emphasized so greatly.  Worshipping God is about more than prayer, song, and reading the Bible; it can also include fellowship (and I’m not talking just potlucks).  Spending time edifying the church is an act of worship that is something I enjoy so much.  Sometimes we picture eternity and think, “Well what are we going to do all day?”  The Bible mentions that we will be worshipping God all day.  Our immediate thought (if we are really honest with ourselves) is, “We’re going to be singing all day? That doesn’t sound like too much fun.”  But worshipping God is more than just singing; it’s a communal act of just being His Church and giving Him glory.
So what does this perfected community, the Church, look like?  The Church is a community of broken people who exist to interact with their Creator…and with each other.  Our love for the individuals of the community is not based on conditions; this is something that I have heard but haven’t really seen in practice.  I have a dear friend who is the biggest gossip I know; she says the most awful things about the people close to her.  So many times I have wanted to give up and not be her friend any more, and then I realize that I can’t cut her off just because she’s sick in sin.  In 1 Corinthians, Paul tells a hilarious analogy of members of a body telling other members that they don’t need each other; if my foot had has a charley horse, should I just cut the thing off?  If my throat is sore, do I rip it out?  The Body of Christ is full of sick body parts; to cut members off because they have sin wouldn’t be beneficial for the body.  And I think about how irrational, arrogant, and impractical I have been to members of this Body; I have been thankful that people haven’t decided they didn’t need me when I wasn’t working the way that I needed to be working.  The Church helps each other through sin with humility, and is direct and truthful at all times.  The Church is also gracious, just as Christ was gracious.  And even when the community can’t get together as much as it desires, love for each other does not change even when the conditions do.
I keep that last thought in mind as I move four hours away.  Going to a Christian University is a unique opportunity; college is a time of “finding yourself,” but at a Christian college it’s more about finding out who God is and how that shapes your identity.  I have lived the past four years in community with people my own age, and it’s becoming the time for me to learn what it’s like to live in community when dispersed throughout the rest of the world.  I can imagine how freaked-out Jesus’ disciples were; they were with him, learning for three years.  Then Jesus left, and told them to get out there and do what He did.  Uh, what Jesus?  I’m not ready for this.  I haven’t learned enough.  I need you to hold my hand and show me how to do this right.  But Jesus left us His Holy Spirit to live inside the community so that we don’t have to do this alone.  So even though I might live in a different community, and learn how to do community with them, the Church hasn’t changed, and my community with those I’m leaving behind isn’t changing even though conditions are.

Why the Honeymoon Has to End

church, leadership, youth ministry

I heard repeatedly in my college youth ministry classes that in ministry, there is always this initial “honeymoon” that each minister goes through.  For a few months if you’re good, half a year if you’re lucky, a year if the church has their heads in the clouds just like you…haha.   I didn’t believe it in class, and even had an arrogance to how long I could go before it did.  The honeymoon has to end eventually though.  Why?

1.  Because you’re bound to screw up eventually.
I went 9 months strong before my honeymoon ended.  Every time I messed up, I would “wince” to how harsh the punishment could get.  Like the time we painted our youth room and paint got all over the church…we cleaned it up quickly but you know there is going to be that one kid that talks and tells the wrong person ;).  Or the time I drove on the wrong side of the road (in my defense, it was a country road at midnight, and the youth assured me I was doing the right thing).  But those weren’t what hurt me thankfully, because those are the things that get addressed immediately.  What are the mistakes that get us in trouble?  Lack of communication with parents, with students, with other church leaders.  And yes, the occasionally “dumb” accident like I stated.  We’re human.  We screw up.  We say “crap” to the wrong person and it offends them.  We get a ticket from speeding in the church van.  Someone breaks an arm on the slip-in-slide we made slick with Tide.  It’s bound to happen that we screw up.

2. Because you finally understand the flaws of the ministry you are serving.
The first few months you kind of go through the motions, “try out” some different programs or formats of youth meetings, grow relationships, but most importantly get a grasp of who are the student leaders and who needs the most attention.  You understand why the church or youth group isn’t growing.  You begin seeing why teens come on Wednesday nights and not Sunday mornings.  And these are things that start bothering you inside.  Tension grows between you and whatever aspect of the church/ministry you feel is a hindrance–is it the music? preaching? volunteers? the students? yourself?  These things start piling up, little thing by little thing, and they result in a burn-out.  I know that in my “Christian Ministry Apprenticeship” class, we talked about all kinds of mock situations that would happen in church, and I would boldly say exactly what I would do.  My professor loved my energy and enthusiasm, but called me naive.  I understand why now.  When those situations arise, we rack our brains 24/7 trying to come up with how to solve the solution, how to talk to your pastor or another person about it, etc.  I can rehearse in my head 2340874 times how I want to talk to Church Council about something, but it never comes out the way it sounds in my head.  So sometimes we don’t say it.  And our ministry hurts as a result of our “good intentions” of not hurting others or our paycheck.

3.  Because you are drained…and need a vacation.
Except when you are a minister, you can call it a sabbatical and it makes it sound needed, not just for fun!  People don’t understand how draining ministry can be.  Putting any conflict aside, it’s draining pouring out your life to individuals who frankly don’t care most of the time (especially if you don’t get the response you desire). Burn-out is bound to happen.

Don’t get me wrong, the honeymoon ending stinks.  But it is necessary.  Now that your head is out of the clouds, you can honestly address the needs of the ministry and of the church.

Questions I have for you reading:
How do you address these situations in your church?
What do you do when you are burned out?

Scripture in Sermons

bible, christianity, church
How much Scripture does a pastor need to use in a sermon?
I have been asking myself this question for a few months now, as I have been battling being spiritually fed by church. I would often be sitting in a church, listening to the pastor, and saying to myself, “This is nice and all, but how is this scripturally supported? What does the Bible have to say about this?” I always thought that the role of the pastor was to constantly bring the Word of God, not to present a feel-good speech once a week.
I have been a member of the same church for 15 years. I have gone since I was 5 by myself on the church van every Sunday. For me, church was my family, as they were my sources of spiritual advisement and were there for me throughout my life. I have seen three pastors there over the course. This last pastor came when I was a sophomore (?) in high school, and although he wasn’t my first pick for pastor, he was voted in. He was humorous, had funny sayings, and, like me, didn’t sugarcoat the truth. I became the first person from my church to graduate and enter ministry, and he seemed supportive, but not thrilled. I noticed by the time I had graduated that his sayings repeated, his euphemisms cycled, and his sermons has kind of fell flat. I couldn’t really explain why, but they just had. I noticed that the church was falling flat, and I couldn’t pinpoint the reasons, but I knew that it had to do with MANY different areas of the church and MANY different ministries. I was kind of glad, honestly, to be moving on to college and get away from the same old, generic stuff I was getting from my church. Two years into college, I am finally educated enough to understand why the church is declining, although I won’t get into that.
This semester, I had the opportunity to come back quite a few times over the few months for various reasons. I attended this church on Sundays, and began to discover a trend in the Pastor’s sermons…no Scripture. He would read a verse or so from the Bible, we would pray, we would sit, and then he would rant for the rest of the service. He would present points, but wouldn’t add much Scripture into those points. They were unsupported (Note: this is not ALL the time, but the majority of the time). At the end of each Sermon, I ask myself, “What is the Lord trying to tell me?” However, at the end of his sermons, I wasn’t able to answer the question, as he didn’t really talk about what the Lord said, according to Scripture.
The final straw was on Mother’s Day this year. I came home for the weekend, and the pastor’s message was about how we need to be treating our mothers—with adoration, affirmation, etc etc. However, he gave no Scripture. He mentioned one verse, then we prayed and nothing else about the Bible was said. Towards the end of the sermon, he told a story something like this (except a lot more poetic): “God and an angel were talking, and the angel was asking God how He was going to create mothers. And God said, ‘I’ll create them with 6 arms so they can do all the tasks around the house, 4 sets of eyes so they can keep their eyes on everyone at once, etc.’ The angel said, ‘And what is that running down her face? Did you create that too?’ And God replied, ‘That tear wasn’t created by me, it’s blah blah something beautiful.’” Okay, I’m not a good storyteller, but I think you get the gist. This story was completely made up and had nothing to do with Scripture, but the pastor made it sound as if it REALLY happened. He made the audience feel incredibly good, made a bunch of people say “awww”, and made MY JAW DROP. I had to be nudged to close my mouth. I felt extremely convicted to talk to him, and got up the courage to. I pulled him aside, alone, after church and tried to talk to him about the lack of Scripture in his messages. Instead of going, “Wow, I didn’t realize that. I need to investigate this and look at myself to see if this is really true. Thanks, sister.” He YELLED at me, called me arrogant, and claimed that my school was teaching me crazy things. He told me that if I needed more Scripture, to go find another church. He told me, “How dare you come into MY church so arrogantly and call ME out!” …and just many more ridiculous things… In 5 minutes I lost so much respect for this man. He pulled others from the church over and asked them if he used Scripture, and when they said no he just got furious. I talked to my youth pastor, who admitted to me that he knows the pastor uses no scripture, and told me that the reason nobody has called him out on it is because of his arrogance and temper. If you would like the whole story, I can tell you it in private, but he just made a fool out of himself. When I asked the pastor if I could call him and talk to him later that week, he told me no. When I mentioned that he could have used Proverbs 31 to back up all his points, he told me that wasn’t what the Lord led him to. So you’re telling me the Father told you to use no Scripture?
Sigh.
I have never been so upset with my church, and I have put up with a LOT from them. But it has made me think, how much Scripture is needed for a sermon? I need thoughts and opinions.
**As a side note, I want to point out that when I talked to my pastor, I was NOT arrogant. I told him that I was coming as his sister, and honestly if I was making the same mistake I would want people to come to me and let me know mine. There is an extreme lack of Scripture in many pastors and youth leaders, and I hoped that my pastor would strive to be above this. But apparently if you’re arrogant enough to not use Scripture, you’re too arrogant to examine yourself after criticism. Also, I am no longer attending that church. I need to be fed from the errorless Bible, not humans who error all the time. Pastors, let the Holy Spirit speak through you, not your own sinful self. And my prayer is that all Christians can do the same, especially when ministering.

My mother…the Church.

church

Today in church, Pastor Josh said, “If God is our father, then church is our mother.” A lot of Christians today say, “God, I like you and all, but I hate the church.” This is like telling someone, “I like you and all, but I hate your wife.” It’s not right! The Bible talks about the church as the bride of Christ, so this analogy is very accurate.


The Bible also talks about the church being the body of Christ. Can you imagine a husband telling his wife, “I like you, but I hate your body.” ??? Yeah, death wish.

The point of this is just thinking about the church, her mission. I hope that one day we can get back to the place where we live for the church, because living for Christ means we should live for the church as well.

Also, the church isn’t just a building, it is a body of believers. If you are living for a building, then you are making that building an idol. But to live for a body of believers, to serve them in abundance and love them unconditionally…that is what I mean by living for the church. We live for Christ, and our brethren. We live to please them both. We live ultimately to glorify Him through exalting our brothers and sisters.

I kept my personal rant out of this, ya’ll should be proud :)

♥Heather