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Youth Pastors and Self-Promotion

Contributions, youthmin.org

self promoting pastor

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/quit-promoting-yourself/

How many times have I unfollowed someone on Twitter because they link to their blog every hour?

How many times have I rolled my eyes in a Facebook group for youth pastors because I ask a question, and instead of interaction I get linked to a blog?

How many times have I had a conversation with a youth pastor, and all they can talk about is their accomplishments?

It’s annoying, guys.  But it’s also pretty accurate of what most of us do at times.  Youth pastors, and pastors in general, love to promote themselves.  Why is this?

The Psychology

Youth pastors, by spiritual nature, are teachers and desire to contribute knowledge to their community.

Sometimes at church we might get shut down by a committee, pastors, or even our students.  And perhaps we are insecure; when things aren’t going so hot at church, we over-talk the things we are proud of.  We try to contribute to a community of other youth pastors that can see we have some strengths; strengths that our churches can overlook.

Youth pastors are also used to trying to promote their youth group and begging people to check out their church, web page, or event.  So it makes sense that when we post a blog, we begin begging people to read it.

The Problem

Pride creeps in and tells the pastor that their blog or contribution to the youth pastor community is their identity.  Pride tells them that if they get 100 retweets or comments on their blog, then they are valuable and worthy.

And others can see this pride–it’s redundant when someone fills up my feed with their blog posts and nothing else.  It’s annoying when I ask somebody for help and they just link me to their blog.  It’s usually irrelevant as well.  And hopefully, it’s misrepresentative of the pastor.

As someone who has always struggled with finding her identity in the affirmation of others, it is draining for both my self and for those I interact with.  If I am only finding my confidence in others, where is God in this equation?

The Proper Ways to Promote

Promote your group.

You want to fill my news feed up with something you love?  Quit filling it up with yourself–fill it up with how much you love your students. Your students see your stuff too, and will see that you love ministry not because it makes you “famous” (in your own little world) but because you love students.

Promote community. 

Realize that you need community, not a pat on the back.  It’s great when someone retweets me or tells me I had a great post.  But what we really yearn for is interaction with that post.  So that means we need to interact with others as well.

Promote others.

You want to post links to great information? Great!  Post a variety of links to others’ blogs.  I love posting links to different stuff in my Twitter account; whether it’s youth ministry blogs, parenting sites, youth culture reports, etc.  This shows I don’t just love my blog and what I have to say, but many others.

Promoting others is promoting learning and promoting humility.

What do you guys think?  Are you fed up with youth pastors promoting themselves?  How do you make sure that you “promote” your blog, website, or group effectively without becoming obsessed or annoying?

Discipling Girls: A @youth_min Roundtable with Neely, Elle, and Bekah

girls ministry, women, youth ministry, youthmin.org

Today I had the privilege of hosting a hangout with Elle Campbell, Neely McQueen, and Bekah Miller!

 

 

Go watch and interact. I’m telling you, these women make me look like a genius for having them on this Roundtable! These ladies are L.E.G.I.T.

Can a Woman Be a Youth Pastor? @youth_min

Contributions, leadership, women, youthmin.org

female youth pastor

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/can-a-woman-be-a-youth-pastor-yes/

I have grown up in the Southern Baptist Convention, a denomination of Christianity that has more conservative and traditional views of leadership.  I was always told that as a disciple of Jesus Christ, it was my responsibility to spread the Gospel to the ends of the earth.  However, I saw no women leading in my church to provide this example.  The SBC states in The Baptist Faith and Message, “While both men and women are gifted for service in the church, the office of pastor is limited to men as qualified by Scripture.” The SBC is very specific that women are not allowed to pastor, based on verses that say women are not allowed to have authority over men. However, it says nothing about youth pastor.

When many within my church convicted me and convinced me that youth ministry was my vocational calling, I was confused.  I thought that women couldn’t do it because I hadn’t seen it, yet those with the same theology were affirming it.  So I sought it out for myself.  Here’s what I came up with.

Biblically

1 Timothy 2:11-12, perhaps the strongest argument for women not pastoring, says, “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness.  I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.”  I would like to briefly exegete this for you, but of course I encourage you to look at it for yourself.  There is one command in this passage—“Let a woman learn with all submissiveness.”  “Woman” can mean a woman of any age, but 92/221 times it means specifically “wife.”  “Learn” means to learn by use and practice; to be in the habit of.  “Quietly” does not mean quiet in speech, but humble in spirit; it is one who does not bossily meddle with the affairs of others.  As you may know, women have problems with this, ha!  “Submissiveness” means obedience and meekness.  In verse 22, “to exercise authority” has a very dark connotation: one who kills another with his own hands, one who acts on his own authority, an absolute master, or to exercise dominion.  It is only used once in the Bible, in this passage.  It is very interesting that Paul uses authenteō instead of didaskō, which he usually uses when talking about teaching.  We can turn to other classical literature and we see that 67% of the time, the term is used very negatively as well.  Therefore one can tell that Paul isn’t commanding women not to have any authority over men, but to not have an undue authority.  Once again, Paul uses the same word for “silence” meaning humility.  So altogether, the verses read, “Let a woman learn by practice in humble obedience.  I do not permit women to teach heresy or to be in manipulative authority, but she is to be humble.” Paul isn’t prohibiting women from leading, but encouraging women to learn and avoid being deceived. “Learn” is an active kind of learning that implies action, yet Paul reminds women to do it in humility.

I hate the argument “well maybe he was just talking to their culture and not ours,” because it can often cheapen Scripture.  Yet, if we were to literally enforce this entire chapter in our culture as we have traditionally enforced these few verses, let’s think about this:  A few verses before Paul commands women to dress modestly, yet no one in the church condemns me for my braided hair or my signature pearl earrings.  If verses literally stand the cultural test of time, then we have a lot to change.  The cultural context is clear: There were many teachers in the early church who were deceiving Christians and convincing them of false teachings.  Paul wanted to make sure that women, who weren’t being educated like men, weren’t teaching if they weren’t equipped to.  It would make sense that he commands them to actively learn.

The passage must also be looked within the context of Paul’s teachings as a whole.  Paul consistently said that in Christ, there is no distinction between gender, race, or socioeconomic status (Galatians 3:28, 1 Corinthians 12:13, Colossians 3:11). Paul acknowledged the importance of many women in his ministry.  The Bible has tons of women serving in important roles as teachers and leaders:  Miriam, a prophet (Exodus 15); Deborah, a nation’s leader and judge (Judges 4-5); Esther, an advocate for the Jews (Esther); Priscilla, a teacher (Acts 18:18-26, Romans 1:3); Lydia, Chloe, and Nympha, leaders of the church (Acts 16:13-15, 40; 1 Corinthians 1:1; Colossians 4:15); Phoebe, a deaconess (Romans 16:1); Junia, an apostle (Romans 16:7); Philip’s daughters and other women prophets (Acts 21:9; 1 Corinthians 11:5); etc.

Where is the distinction then?  Why are women allowed to be Sunday School teachers or Children’s Ministers, but not Youth Ministers?  What is the difference?  If you want to argue that women canteach, but not be the main leader: Female youth pastors aren’t running the whole church; there is still someone presiding over her.  If you want to argue that adolescent teenage boys are men andthat’s why a woman can’t teach over them, then we need to figure out the distinguishing characteristics between a child in Sunday School and a man in “big church.”  Our culture hasadded adolescence, and the Bible doesn’t address it.  So how can we assume that the Bible states a particular gender is supposed to serve that role?

Culturally

I strongly believe that culture needs to be considered when choosing leaders.  There are cultures around the world that have female-dominant leaders.  If we were to evangelize in those countries and try to set up churches there, we should not expect for our Westernized church to fit their culture.  It would not work, it would be too uncomfortable, and people wouldn’t want to join such a weird religion.  In America we have women becoming CEOs of major companies, making influential speeches at national political conventions, and being named as some of the most influential people in the world.  Yet, our church does not reflect our culture—we are still very male-dominated in major leadership roles.  I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing; I think our cultureneeds strong men as leaders.  We are plagued by examples of men who are abusive or absent, and I strongly believe we need stronger men in our churches.  In fact, culturally and Biblically, I personally think the head of the church needs to be a man (see, I’m not a total feminist!).

Traditionally, a male youth leader has made sense: he was the head pastor of the group.  But youth ministry isn’t so much pastor-centered as it was initially, it is volunteer-centered.  Youth ministry is moving more towards discipleship-centered small groups.  Each discipleship group has either its same gender discipling them or a male-female team.  I love this.  Therefore I personally think that the main leader of the program does not matter—either a male or a woman can efficiently lead a program.  And culturally, it makes sense.

But maybe it doesn’t make sense for your culture.  If you are in a more conservative culture, why stir up the pot and have leaders in your church who don’t fit your culture?  When I worked in small town Missouri, I was actually very surprised that I was hired in an SBC church.  Yet I made sense for their culture because they were very discipleship and fellowship-centered and as a woman I have some natural giftings for that sort of thing.

Hormonally

As for the argument that a female cannot complete the role because of her extra estrogen: A female’s estrogen is a gift.  God made men and women in his image, and women reflect God’s more empathetic and caring side.  It’s inarguable that men and women are different and bring different strengths and weaknesses to the table.  We need strong protective leaders just as much as we need empathetic nurturing ones.  Women can get overemotional at times; trust me, there have been times when I have struggled.  I have taken comments too personally, over-invested, and have (yes) cried in youth group before.  But those aren’t completely negative things.  What these qualities show is God’s nurturing, empathetic, gracious side of Him.  God takes our sin too personally, he invests in us even when we don’t invest back, and we are constantly breaking His heart.  Men have beautiful “weaknesses” too—men can be aggressive, tough on their disciples, and can harden in times when people hurt them.  This show’s God’s more judicial and strong side of his character.  Men and women need each other in order to provide a more perfect picture of who God is, and this picture is needed when leading teenagers.  Teenagers need both male and female role models to lead them.

Practically

If I minister to teenagers, am I really going against God’s will?  Can God possibly believe that I am sinning when I minister the Gospel?  I have a lot of issue with this.  Having a relationship with God isnot about doing x, y, and z.  It’s about a heart that seeks to serve Him.  In Christ, we are free.  How can God send me away for sending so many to Him?

I originally wrote this post 6 months ago and put it off because this is essentially my identity that I’m arguing for. I know that I will receive a lot of flack for this post, so I ask that you create discourse in the comments and not dissension   Remember that I’m not saying that women can be the head of the church, but the head of a youth ministry program. I want to create a culture of youth ministry that has men and women working together to minister to our student Saints.  

5 Reasons Your Ministry Needs Women Leaders @youth_min

Contributions, leadership, women, youth ministry, youthmin.org

Youth Ministry girl leaders

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/5-reasons-your-ministry-needs-women-leaders/

Your youth ministry needs women leaders.  Before we start arguing the theology of women in ministry, I want you to hear me out:  The purpose of this post is not to advocate for ordained women, or women pastors, or to argue the Pauline view of women.

The purpose of this post is to convince you why you need more women in roles of discipleship, worship, and (yes) teaching.  We need to have a spread of leaders who represent the spread of the audience in gender, color, and background.  So if your youth group is 60% female and 40% male, you should have about that amount of male/female leaders.  I empathize that it may never be perfectly that way, but you should strive for that representation.

Girls need women leaders.

Seems like a no-brainer, yes?  Young girls need to have examples of women who are leading. If we are teaching our young ladies that they need to advance the gospel, then we need to have examples of women who are actively advancing the gospel in their lives personally.  Additionally, girls desperately need to hear from a variety of women.  Girls need to see a picture of themselves in these roles so that they can do it, too.

Boys need women leaders.

For so long, we’ve been doing ministry so that boys can only lead boys, and girls can only lead girls.  However, there are wonderful things that boys need from both men and women, just as girls need both in their development.  When I began my first youth ministry position, a mother came to me and told me that her son was going to be my toughest case, because he doesn’t respect women, and that included his mother.  I remember that first night of youth group–this eighth grader challenged me with every “tough question” he could muster on women, homosexuality, and president Obama.  When I left two years later, that same mother said to me that her son not only respected women, but valued their leadership in his life.  He became more sensitive, more respectful, and even more affectionate towards his own mother.  Boys need men to mentor them, yes; yet having women as leaders will lead them to holding greater value of women.

Male leaders need women leaders.

Men and women compliment each other.  You have a variety of leaders who are more playful, some more disciplinary, some more empathetic, some more protective, some more approachable, and others more on a pedestal; not to mention the variety of skills: building sets, making snacks, teaching, discipling, etc.  Put people in their sweet spots, and play off their strengths. I serve in a ministry where the co-directors are an unrelated male and female, and it’s beautiful watching how the strengths play off of each other, and where one is weak another fills in strong.  Think about it: why does God give children both a mother and a father?  Both are beautiful and have roles that are necessary in leadership.

Women leaders need women leaders.

I will be the first to admit that I need support.  I need examples of strong women in ministry so that I can do ministry, and I definitely see the effects as I begin mentoring women in ministry.  We need discipleship and community, especially as a part of our female identity.  Personally, it can be difficult as a female in a male-dominated profession, and I crave interaction with other ladies.  So ladies, step it up! And… let’s be friends.

God needs women leaders.

God uses women for multiple tasks in the Bible, and in Acts it is said that God will use both sons and daughters to prophesy in his name.  God uses some of the most random people to accomplish His tasks, so never discredit a potential leader based on their gender, age, race, or background.  From Abel to Moses to Deborah to David to Esther to John the Baptizer to Jesus to the Woman at the Well to Paul… (anyone else out of breath?)… God has a knack of loving and using people who just don’t fit the standard mold.

Advice for Insecure Youth Workers @smarterYM

Contributions, depression, identity, leadership, smarterym, youth ministry

 

My latest article is on what I would redo in my first year of ministry if given the chance….. and truthfully, what I struggle with each and every day of my life.  I see a lot of youth workers within the YouthMin.Org Facebook Community struggling with this, and it has caused me to get vocal about calling out youth workers and getting them to be more secure with their selves and their ministries.

So here is my post over at SmarterYM.Com!  Read, share, and comment on it! And show Aaron some love…he’s a Cubs fan :(

http://www.smarterym.com/2013/04/advice-for-insecure-youth-workers.html

Making a Ministry Transition? You’re Not the Only One!

youth ministry, youthmin.org

Recently, YouthMin.Org‘s contributors have been going through quite a few transitions in ministry.  This Monday, one contributor started their first day at his new church.  Last Sunday, another contributor was hired at a new church.  A few months ago, another contributor was promoted within his church.  Last year, I can count of at least two contributors that also changed churches. Last year, YM brought on a new contributor specifically because of the need for his job-guru abilities, as we found many within our Facebook community were also searching. And myself? I’m looking for a church, so hit me up ;)

Since it’s our natural inclination to blog about everything we are going through, especially when related to student ministry, we had quite a few posts come out of these transitions that I encourage you to check out if you are going through transition:

leaving youth ministry

youth pastor spiritual health

Then with the help of David Miller of Slingshot, we brought the YouthMin.Org Job Board! I must say, I’m kind of in love with the way it looks.  Another service YM will offer soon is resume building and interview coaching.   The job board is still pretty new, so I also have a post that I update frequently that is an exhaustive list of different job boards.

YouthMin.org Jobs Openings

We had been kind of MIA from our Roundtables and Tweetchats, so we knew that it just made sense that our first one should be something to tie in all of these wonderful things that we have been bringing to the table…….sooo… here it is :)

I had the privilege of running the Tweetchat, where people tweeted using the hashtag #youthmin. I’m not technologically-savvy enough to embed the conversation (stay updated…haha), but go to the Youth_Min Twitter page and read all the fun things I tweeted!

What are some blog posts, videos, or other resources that have helped you in your transition period?

Standards in Youth Ministry @youth_min

Contributions, leadership, youth ministry, youthmin.org

standards in youth ministry

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/standards-in-youth-ministry/

Sometimes I feel the most humbling lessons I learn in ministry come straight from looking at what my teenagers are struggling with.  This week?

One of the things I feel like I’ve been pounding into my teenagers lately is the fact that we set extremely unrealistic standards for ourselves, standards that we don’t hold anyone else to.  Teenagers feel like they need a boyfriend/girlfriend in order to fit in, yet don’t judge a friend or even an adult leader at church for being single.  Female teenagers feel like they have to be thin in order to fit in, and male teenagers feel like they need to be built.  So I ask them, “I’m an unmarried, hefty adult.  Am I worthy of love?”  They assure me that I am.  So I ask, “Why do you hold yourself to a standard that you don’t hold me to?”  They usually take a while to chew on that before humbling.

Later, when I think and pray over these conversations, the irony hits me: In my ministry, I hold myself to standards that I don’t hold other youth ministers to.  Here are a few:

  • I expect my ministry to grow exponentially, but when another church doesn’t grow or it even loses members, I don’t think twice.  I spend nights crying over lost students in my church, but not over others.
  • I force myself to read tons and tons of books or write tons and tons of blogs, but don’t think that others need to do this.  Educationally, I hold myself to a different standard.
  • I expect all of my students to read their Bibles daily, pray, and have real relationships with Jesus.
  • I wish for my next church to be a huge church, or to become the next Josh Griffin, or to become famous in the youth ministry world (don’t lie, you want this too).  But obviously everyone can’t be famous, obviously there’s a need for small-church youth pastors, and obviously I’m not as cool as Josh Griffin.
  • Personally, I push myself further because I am a female, and I feel like I need to somehow be “better” than the males in my field, to somehow “prove” myself.
  • I set the standard that it is my responsibility alone to do these things.  With this expectation, I miss out on what my volunteers are able of doing, but more importantly forget about the work that is necessary for parents to do.

It is extremely dangerous to pressure ourselves to be perfect, when we don’t expect that out of others.  It is also incredibly egocentric. So I encourage you, fellow friends in youth ministry, to look at these standards you are holding yourself to.  Do you hold others to the same?  In the same way that a teenage girl needs to drop the ideal of a thin physique in order to be worthy, what are some standards that you need to drop in order to create a healthier ministry?

Prenancy in Youth Ministry @youth_min

church, Contributions, leadership, women, youth ministry, youthmin.org

pregnant volunteers

This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/pregnancy-in-youth-ministry/

Pregnancy in youth ministry:  Nope, I am not talking about your teenagers, I am talking about your ministers.  Starting a family is an intimidating thought to begin with, but trying to balance it with ministry is even more difficult.  Imagine being a woman in ministry: having to deal with morning sickness in Sunday School, the pregnancy leave from the ministry, the breastfeeding at church camp.  Trying to figure out the whole pregnancy thing brings so many questions, but mainly How can I do this?  

Women ministers, are you pregnant or thinking about starting a family?  While I have never been pregnant myself, I have done some research and talked with the fine ladies in our Facebook group.  Please chime in with additional advice in the comment section!

While You’re Pregnant

  • Decide how you’re going to inform your pastor, the church, and the youth group.  It is probably not the best idea to post it on Facebook and let everyone go crazy.  It will be much more professional and personal to do it in person.
  • Start preparing your volunteers to take charge of the ministry while you leave on pregnancy leave.  As the pregnancy progresses, you are going to have days where you are not going to be as reliable as you once were.  Prepare them so that if you have to leave the lesson to relieve your bursting bladder, they will be able to pick it up.
  • Make a plan with your husband.  How is this all going to look when the baby gets here?  Will one of you take a little extra time off?  What is your schedule going to look like once the baby gets here?
  • Realize that you can’t do the same activities you could before.  But just because you cannot zip-line or ski does not mean your students cannot!  There are ways for you to be able to go on trips with them without having to do the activities; and if you just can’t go, no one will blame you.  Do not feel like your level of commitment lessens—your students will understand why you do not want to tube on your pregnant belly (well, you might have to explain it to the middle school boys).

The Pregnancy Leave

  • Know your laws about maternity leaves.  Investigate what that looks like and talk to your church about how they will accommodate that.
  • Do as much preparation as you can in as much advance as you can.  Will your church hire a temporary youth minister, or will you have to equip volunteers to run the ministry while you are gone?  Whatever you choose, you will have to decide early on in your pregnancy; you do not want to have to decide these things and prepare volunteers to do your job when your hormones are raging, your back is hurting, and you feel exhausted and burned-out from a baby kicking your insides.
  • Decide your level of commitment beforehand—how involved will you be?  Will you be around and available to volunteers, or will you be strict about your maternity leave?  Will you even come near your church during this time?  You will need to decide these things.  Typically a maternity leave means “no contact,” but will that work for your ministry?  Most importantly—stick to your plan!  There will be people calling you up while you are still in the hospital unless you make it clear exactly your level of involvement during this period.
  • Do not be afraid to ask for help; you are performing life’s greatest miracle and need time to recover as well as spend time with your precious newborn.  You do not need to worry about a ministry on top of breastfeeding.  Relax and trust that everything will be fine while you’re gone.

After You’ve Returned to the Ministry

  • Realize that it will take some time to adjust, even after you return to the church.  Many women struggle with their emotions following having a baby.
  • Do not be discouraged when you find you cannot commit the same way you used to.  Fortunately you work for the church, a building full of God’s saints.  Even though the church may not always be pretty, no one can resist a baby.  No teenager will be mad because you missed the mud tug-o-war because you were taking care of your baby.  In fact, having a baby might unite your students in ways you never expected.  Realize that you have a youth group full of babysitters who will take your baby off your hands (and if not your students, their parents will be willing to help).  Every woman I have talked to has talked about how great their church was to them throughout their pregnancy and after the baby was born.  Trust that it will be fine.

Remember: You can be a minister AND a mom.  You will show your youth how to prioritize and balance God, your marriage, your new family, and your ministry.  Allow the Holy Spirit to lead your motherly senses. :)