I got the privilege of guest-posting on Timbo’s blog on how to best create a culture of acceptance in student ministry. This topic is important to think about as we plan our programming out for the year, train volunteers, and pray over our students!
Contributions
This article isn’t about Miley (It’s about you, jerk!)
Contributions, girls ministry, unchurched, youth ministry, youthmin.orgOkay, that was the name I came up with AFTER this was already published. I’m semi-glad I went with the first one ;)
This article originally appeared at: http://youthmin.org/another-article-about-miley-cyrus/
In an interview with Sunday People, Miley Cyrus said, “I have so many f**king issues. I am so f**ked up -– everyone does dumb stuff when they are messed up.”
If you keep up with the news in any sort of fashion, you know–at least, on the surface–what is going on with Miley. Some say that she’s a mess and that we can’t let our children around her. Others say that her behavior is nothing new, that she’s just being your average 20-year old; so why are we all tripping over it?
Here is what I have to say:
Miley is broken. So are we.
Miley has been in scandal after scandal over the years, as all stars have. And frankly, it’s easy to sit here and judge her; she’s in the spotlight for all the world to see. But I have to ask myself: If I were in her position, and people saw my baggage and what I was going through, how would I feel about their reactions, if they reacted the same way that we are reacting to her?
Miley came out with a new video on Monday from her new single “Wrecking Ball.” Unlike “We Can’t Stop,” this is raw. The lyrics show a glimpse of what is going on. Here are some of the lyrics:
I put you high up in the sky
And now, you’re not coming down
It slowly turned, you let me burn
And now, we’re ashes on the groundDon’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can’t live a lie, running for my life
I will always want youI came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Obviously, Miley is going through something. From her disconnected relationship with her father, to her on-again, off-again relationship with her fiancee, to just growing up (she’s 20 years old!); she’s dealing with things.
Let me ask you something–are these issues all that different from any other 20 year old? Not really. But because she is in the limelight, she is being judged. Being 20 years old is hard enough; you are trying to discover your identity and define your place in this world. Now imagine being a girl who spent her childhood as a star? Imagine your family business being aired for all to see? Imagine trying to be 20, but everyone judges every move you make because it isn’t “Disney-esque?”
Another issue I see–and I’m going to be blunt: For us to sit here and judge Miley, who to our knowledge does not have a redeeming relationship with God, is wrong. Also, what good is it going to do? Is condemning her honestly going to lead her to Christ? What if, instead, there were Christians in her life who supported her, provided her guidance, and maintained a “safe zone” should she slip? By demonstrating Christ through our actions, we are building a bridge that can show Miley Truth. How would you have liked it, if in your rock bottom, a bunch of people just started putting your business on blast, talking about how much you have changed, how despicable you are, and how they don’t want you in their homes or around their families?
(And to be even more frank: talking about Miley in a way that does not edify her is gossip.)
That is NOT CHRIST, guys. He met sinners where they were and lived life with them; yes, He gave them truth, yet he lived life with them regardless. Paul says in Romans that while we were still sinners Christ died for us! Not when we had our act together, but when were still in our messed up rock-bottom.
I’ve been reading through Romans lately and meditating on the passages. The first chapter of Romans sets up the story of Creation and The Fall. Then Paul lays it thick in the first verse of chapter 2 (emphasis added):
Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.
Paul continues in chapter three:
None is righteous, no not one…For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
If I had people judge me at my rock-bottom the way Miley is being judged, I would probably have been turned off from God. I wasn’t perfect; I shook my toosh too (in fact, twerking is not a new term). I wasn’t wise about my relationships with boys, I cursed like a sailor, and I was teaching Sunday School on Sundays hungover. I wasn’t where I needed to be. Even now, I don’t make the wisest decisions sometimes. But I have people who have honest conversations with me, who don’t judge me, yet still give me Truth. They don’t condemn me, they don’t act self-righteous. They invite me to live a raw life with them, helping me through my sin and being patient with me when I don’t get it right away.
Here is my idea–I think we should be talking about Miley and other pop culture icons with our students. But instead of focusing on what Miley is doing wrong, what if we were to ask: “If you saw one of your friends going through this, what would you do?” “If you were in this situation, what would you want people to do for you?” Instead of alienating Miley’s situation, let’s try to identify, empathize, and exhort her.
Humble yourself. Think about your rock-bottom. What got you out of it? How can you translate that to working with your students in their rock-bottoms?
3 Things We’re Getting Wrong Reaching Girls
Contributions, girls ministry, women, youth ministryI had the privilege of guest-posting over on this blog!
I first read Titus’s blog when a mutual friend of ours posted a link. I digged it. I commented. He saw my comment. He messaged me on FB, because he saw we had all of these mutual friends and it freaked him out. Then we realized we literally lived in the same part of St. Louis at the same time, and he pastored some church members who I used to go to church with. Whaaaat? So I had to show some NoCo love and guest post for him. This is one of my favorites! :)
3 Things We’re Getting Wrong Reaching Girls: a Guest Post About Student Ministry.
Cut the Crap: Get Transparent
christianity, Contributions, youth ministry, youthmin.org
This article originally appeared on: http://youthmin.org/cut-the-crap-get-transparent/
When I went to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference in March, I was stoked. One of the biggest blessings that I had was being able to meet so many people that I have networked with over the last three years in the blogosphere. I had some really encouraging and hilarious conversations with many people who have a decade more experience and eons more wisdom than I.
One thing that showed up in our conversations is their affirmation of the characteristic in myself that I sometimes hate: my transparency. I was often told that my transparency is what sets me apart, and never stop showing that. This was encouraging for me, as I rarely get transparency from people as much as I show it, and one of the biggest things I struggle with in the personality of youth pastors is their lack of transparency.
So, session after class after conversation, this theme showed up. In a large-group session, I was pushed to visualize my struggles and let them go. In this session, we were encouraged to write all of our junk on a hackey sack with a marker. I wrote junk after junk after junk on this thing. Then we had to get in a small group and share one thing. I looked around and saw some very empty hackey sacks, and heard some even emptier answers. When it was my turn to share, I clammed up. Yes me. I walled up and let out some answer that was half the truth, because the rest of my group couldn’t share their junk. Then we had to group-juggle our hackey sacks, which could have been a great exercise to show the fact that we sometimes not only juggle our junk, but others’ as well…except my group wanted to make a systematic “1–2–3″ countdown in order to pass ours around. It showed me that even though I may be transparent, and others may say they want more transparency, many still won’t show it.
So youth pastor, cut the crap. If we can’t be transparent about these issues with one another, then we have a serious problem.
Transparency is hard, I get it. We are afraid that the truth will drive others away. We are fearful that if we were to get real with one another, we may be looked at as a Negative Nancy.
But what transparency does is worth it: First off, it makes you feel better. You realize that someone out there gets it. You begin to understand that you are not the only person struggling with what you are struggling with, and you can solve the issue together.
We are in ministry together.
One of the things I love is the Facebook group community that YouthMin.Org has. Many youth pastors are transparent on there and share their struggles…and even if not publicly, they message myself and other contributors and share their junk with us (and I with them).
One passage that I meditate on time and time again is in Philippians 4, and I’m sure you can quote this by heart: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
But we forget that next verse: “Yet it was kind of you to share my struggle.” We struggle with junk after junk, but not alone. We do this as a team.
Feel free to contact me or anybody on the team, and let’s do this together.
4 Easy Ways to Build Rapport with Your Senior Pastor
church, Contributions, leadership, youth ministry, youthmin.org
This article originally appeared on: http://youthmin.org/4-easy-ways-to-build-rapport-with-your-senior-pastor-leadingup/
As a part of YouthMin’s Leading Up series this month, I feel that one of the most important things that you can do to get your supervisor/senior pastor to be willing to learn from you, and in turn, be “led” by you, is to create a great rapport.
Show them your life.
Invite them over to your house for dinner with your crazy family, or invite your family over to their house! Share life together, and talk about things other than church. Use your personal hobbies to bless them–can you grill a mean steak or knit a mean sweater? Bless them! Show them that you have a personality.
When I secured my current position, my supervisor told me that she fell in love with my personality during the interview and knew she had to have me on her team. Did I have decent credentials? Sure, but what makes us a good team is that we actually like each other. We talk about our families, our problems, and our successes and celebrate them together.
Find shared ground.
Oh, you like baseball? I love baseball! BAM we’re at a baseball game, drinking 7-dollar Cokes, and cheering on our team. And next week in the office, we will reminisce of how that crazy Cubs fan dumped their beer on us in an angry rage because the Cardinals are the bomb.com.
Memories, people. Make them! You don’t like baseball? Then find things to “geek out” over together–other sports, television shows, exercise, your Molkeskine journals, those hipster shoes, and favorite exegetical techniques.
Invest in their children.
(Joshua Fuentes will talk more about this soon!)
When I ask my supervisor how her son’s football season is going, and even commit to going to a game, it helps our relationship. I loved mentoring the high school girl of my senior pastor at my last church, and that really did add to the relationship I had with her father. I even considered dating the adult son of another one of my senior pastors…just kidding.
Be mentored by them or their spouse.
Bonus: You and your spouse are mentored by them and their spouse. As I said before in 3 other ways, invest in each other. I am fully convinced that vulnerably and intentionally investing is the only way to build rapport with your supervisor.
What happens when you build good rapport with your supervisor/senior pastor?
The most beautiful thing that will ever happen in ministry: They will have your back. They will understand your heart and where you are coming from in ministry. At my first director position in a church, I came to my senior pastor with a pretty big change in mind. Because we were invested in each other (common ground: I love to learn and he loves to teach. BAM!), he had my back 100%, even when a few others didn’t.
If you are currently in a position where the relationship is flawed, I don’t think that relationship is permanently doomed. Try to understand them by investing in them… take out your selfish motives and consider that maybe you aren’t the only person who doesn’t feel like your back is covered.
What do you guys think? How do you build rapport with your supervisor/senior pastor?
What do you do when you get hit on by another minister?
Contributions, women, youth ministryI had the privilege of guest-posting over on WomenInYouthMinistry.Com! I love this blog and think that it is a great resource for women in youth ministry, especially those who are married with children.
Gina asked me to write a post on saying “no” when a single male minister hits on a single lady minister. What do you do? Well, I’ve a teeny bit of experience, but it was quite fun to write! Here ya go!
http://www.womeninyouthministry.com/2013/07/what-to-do-when-single-guy-ministers.html
The Value of Student Activities in Youth Ministry
church, Contributions, youth ministry, youthmin.org
This article originally appeared here: http://youthmin.org/youth-group-vs-school-activities/
One of the frustrations that I hear many youth ministers talk about is the fact that their students seem more concerned with extracurriculars than they are youth group or church.
I hear things like:
- They don’t value God or the church because they miss youth group.
- They think football is more important on a Friday night than a youth event.
- They can’t give Jesus just 90 minutes of their time a week.
And I hear you, friends. I’ve felt like you, and I mean, I still get frustrated. But I’m a little more empathetic to the students, and here’s why.
Going to youth group doesn’t produce a college scholarship.
That’s blunt, I know. Yet, with the costs of college, teenagers are trying to do whatever it takes to help pay for it.
Now, there are things that you can do as a youth pastor to help this out:
- Provide missions opportunities to help them gain community service/volunteer work to put on their resumes. Bonus: make it open to the community of high schoolers and not just your church teens (can you say outreach?).
- Find a way to have more student leadership positions, so that your students can put that on their resume.
- Find people within the church who can invest scholarships into some of your teenagers.
I know first-hand that you can be a part of clubs and still be active in church; I participated and was an officer in 8 clubs in high school (I’m crazy, I know); however, I didn’t do sports while in high school, which are mega-time-consuming. I also know that very few (if any) of your high school students will actually make it to the big leagues… Yet I also know the benefits of being on a team and the skills you can learn from that. They are valuable skills that I think should be encouraged.
Teenagers need to be able to spread the gospel.
We emphasize to our teenagers about going into their “mission field” to spread the Gospel. Where else can they spread it? They can’t exactly spread the Gospel in math class. There’s lunch period, but other than that there aren’t any real opportunities.
I think we should encourage our teens to get involved in clubs and sports so that they can have opportunities to spread the Gospel in real-life situations. Otherwise, when they become an adult, their only experiences of sharing the Gospel will be from Missions Projects with their Youth Group.
Jesus isn’t exclusively at youth group.
One of the biggest annoyances to me is when youth pastors say that when a student doesn’t come to youth group, they’re putting their extracurriculars over Jesus. Really? Are Sunday and Wednesday the only times that Jesus shows up? And are you really that audacious to say that what you are providing is equivalent to Jesus?
Youth ministry isn’t exclusively at youth group.
Just like Jesus just isn’t on Sundays, neither should you. We need to learn to reach teenagers on their turf.
You need to consider the culture. Honestly, if you live in a football town, why would you put a youth event on a Friday Night? You should be at the game living life with them and rooting on your student players. Maybe your students get swamped in the school year and Wednesdays aren’t the right days for you.
Ministry happens at the lunch table, at a baseball game, in a small group, in dodgeball, and in youth group. It happens in a text conversation, and also in a warm hug. They may not come to that 90 minute meeting, but is that all you’re offering them? Small groups and mentors are great alternatives to youth group–just make sure you’re plugging them in and giving them options.
Consider that what you’re offering isn’t more appealing than chess club.
This goes back to culture–what reaches your students? Maybe that senior girl doesn’t come to Wednesdays because she hates messy games and has no alternative. Maybe that middle school boy doesn’t come because there are too many girls and he needs a small group of other guys. You may have to consider that what you have going on isn’t pulling students in, and you may have to be courageous enough to do things differently.
I’m not saying to be “seeker friendly.” I’m saying be “culturally appropriate.” Jesus used parables in order to relate the Gospel in a way for people to understand it…and even that went over their heads. So while you’re not always going to get it right, at least you tried to consider your students and reach them where they’re at.
Now, I get it: There will be teens to do put up some pretty lame excuses as to why they can’t come. Love on them anyway.
What are some ways that you’ve encouraged your teens to do extracurriculars, but still maintained a healthy youth group presence?
When You’re At a Loss.
Contributions, depression, youth ministry, youthmin.org
This post originally appeared here.
I checked the stats on my personal blog the other day, you know, to see if my 12 followers were interacting with it.
I saw that someone found my blog using this search term:
I don’t know what our ministry is about anymore.
I just broke.
What a humbling reminder of the brokeness we feel in ministry sometimes.
And honestly, what do I even say to this?
Ministry is tough, and I’ve concluded that it is because your heart is involved. There are tons of careers that are difficult and have hard moments, but most of them are jobs you can leave at work. Ministry is something you take home with you, something that keeps you up at night. So it makes sense that you will feel this way at one time or another.
I can tell you to do the obvious:
- Talk to someone about how you feel. If you get to a point where you are just questioning the entire ministry, you need some help. Find a mentor, a Christian counselor, or someone who is just a heck of a lot wiser than you are.
- Talk to your senior pastor/supervisor. Get their vision and wisdom.
- Take a sabbatical or a super-long-sabbath and just breathe. Pray.
I was completely lost a few months back. I went to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference and attended theEverybody’s Urban sessions; I was at a loss with my at-risk teenagers and didn’t know what to do anymore. I talked toLeneita Fix after the session, practically drowning her in my tears. She quoted my favorite passage, a passage I’ve come to countless times when I’m discouraged:
I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. 1 Corinthians 3:6-7
…and then said the most brilliant thing to me:
Sometimes we don’t even plant the seeds. We may have to dig the rocks out of the soil, to prepare it for the seeds.
Even if you don’t see growth, that may not be your duty. Some of us have to prepare the path for our teenagers and our ministry—dig out the rocks of apathy and programs that don’t work and leaders that don’t quite cut it. Some of us have to work in our teens’ lives simply to help them dig out the junk that’s in it. Through this, you (or someone else) will be able to plant the seed and water it. And, when it’s God’s time, that student and ministry will grow.
I wish I had more to say, yet to be honest, this is one of those things that just needs prayer and time. Words can’t express how much I care for this network of youth ministers, and I pray for you guys daily. Be encouraged and hold fast.
Videos for Student Ministry
fun video, lessons, media, music, youth ministry, youthmin.orgHEYOOO!
I would love to tell you about a NEW RESOURCE for STUDENT MINISTRY!
I can’t tell you how many times people in our YouthMin.Org private Facebook Community post the day of youth group, “Hey, does anybody have a video for ______?”
I usually hit up Google and give half-serious, half-kidding, but all-terrible videos for them. I can’t blame them–how many times have I been an hour before youth group and gone, “I’m gonna need to fill an extra five minutes” or “I bet Francis Chan could explain this wayyy better than me” or “I need something funny to connect this truth to my students.”
That is where VideosForStudentMinistry.Com comes in!
There are many different categories. I’ll share some of my favorites for you!
Funny
Stuff Christian Singles Hear. I’ve heard 100% of these. :)
Sermon Jams
Jesus is the Victorious Ever Present God by Judah Smith. Can’t help but scream AMEN!
Music Videos
“Tell the World” by Lecrae. This is my current favorite song.
Spoken Word.
“GOSPEL” by Propeganda. 100% of youth groups need to watch this. Even white brothers gotta shout.
Clips that teach.
I am Second (Yo Soy Segundo) by Albert Pujols. I had to rep my man, even if he quit repping my city. BONUS: en español!
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Go to the site, browse, and suggest videos you know! This new site is all a part of the NEW YouthMin.Org that will be launching VERY VERY SOON. My friend Frank Gil has been working hard on this!
Giving Constructive Criticism @youth_min
Contributions, leadership, youthmin.org
This post originally appeared here: http://www.youthmin.org/constructive-criticism/
Confrontation. It’s hard, it’s messy, but it’s needed.
So how do you give constructive criticism to someone in a way that isn’t rejected? I’m going to present a method to give it in a way that makes the other person feel like “Hey, I’m doing a good job, I just need to work on a few things” rather than “I’m a piece of crap and I need to go move back in with my mommy.”
It’s called the Feedback Sandwich.
It’s as simple as this: Begin with a praise. Give the critique. Then end with a praise.
But…be careful not to turn the feedback sandwich into a “You’re Awesome. You suck. You’re Awesome.” There needs to be balance in what you say.
The format goes: “Name, praise; YET (never say but) critique. If this happens, that praise will be even more praise-y, because you are so praise-y.” (See? lots of praise!)
Here are some examples:
Have a volunteer who never tells you when they’re coming or not coming? Joe, our teens really love you and get so excited when you are here; yet, you can be here so randomly that even I don’t know when you’re coming. If you can give me a schedule or just let me know when you can’t be here, we can work together in harvesting your gifts so that we are more effective and can reach more kids and impact the Kingdom.
Have a student leader who is struggling with some sin? Jane, you are a natural-born leader and your peers really look up to you; yet, they can see that you are struggling with this sin. If you push through and don’t let it hold you back, you can be a even greater example of perseverance and strength to your friends.
Have a pastor who is micromanaging you? James, I love that you are so invested in our ministry and that you’re not one of those pastors who sits and the sidelines and doesn’t care; yet, I feel like I want to be given a chance to do things more independently. If I succeed, your validation of me will mean the world, plus it will give you a chance to focus on tasks that really need it.
Genius, huh?
Sometimes it can be hard to find something praise-worthy about that person. One of the wonderful people in my life who disciple me recently told me, “Sometimes, even if we can’t stand a person, we need to focus on the good traits they have–traits that remind of us God’s traits.” God is creative, loving, consistent, vocal, active, and countless more wonderful things. We are made in his image, and sometimes we need to remind each other of how we resemble God. What better compliment is that?
And remember, this isn’t fool-proof. There will be those people who reject critique in every single form and who don’t do well in confrontation. I think that’s when you need to go all Matthew 18 on them. Good luck.
Now…go make me a sandwich.
Heather Lea Campbell 