identity

Christian-Speak #3–Apologies

christian-speak series, identity

To me, one of the greatest proofs of the unity of the Body of Christ is when we humble ourselves and come to each other when we offend each other.

I realized this over the past month, when a member of my church came to me when they thought they offended me.  They didn’t even need me to say anything, they knew they messed up. I almost cried because I thought it was so beautiful for them to come to me, admit they screwed up, then proceed to tell me what God is doing in them and how I could pray for them. Wow!  The other day, I had a professor apologize to me, which I thought was overwhelming–that a professor humbled himself to my lowly, undergrad level when they knew they said the wrong thing.  I realized that this is what the Body should be doing–humbling ourselves when we have done something wrong.

What I think is ridiculous is this:  When we come to each other, and say, “You know, this certain thing you said to me really offended me.”  Maybe explain why it offended you, maybe say that you’ve been struggling with that thing for a while.  And what does the other person say?  “You need to find your identity in the Lord, not in what I say.”  What?  No apology?  You’re not going to admit you were wrong?  So, I can say whatever I want now, offend whoever I want, and I can smooth it over with “Don’t find your identity in what I say, but in God.”

That is one of the most unloving things I have ever heard.  Even if the person does struggle with identity issues, is this really a result of that?  Could it be possible that you just had a moment of word-vomit and said something out of love?

Think before you speak, Christians.  If we aren’t humbling ourselves with each other, how are we going to humble ourselves in order to serve the world?

Comment and tell me what you think!

A Pride of Pride

identity, testimony

I don’t think I knew I had a pride problem up until a month or so ago.  I thought I had a “normal” amount of pride, but I didn’t realize that this is something that I struggle with, something that I have to put an “extra” amount of fight into.

Pride is like a dandelion.  Dandelions root deep into your yard.  They are terribly hard to get rid of.  It requires digging them deep from the root, or even chemicals.  If you have just one dandelion, it could spread and infect your whole yard.  And if you are living next to a yard with dandelions in it, it WILL spread to your yard.  So sometimes we just ignore the dandelion.  Call it a “flower” when it’s really a weed.  We let it grow all over the yard, blend into our flower beds, and it gets out of control. Very easily. In order to get it under control, it requires almost daily maintenance.  It sucks.

Pride roots deep into us, and is incredibly difficult to get rid of.  In order to get rid of pride, we have to dig into the root of it (our innate desire to sin?).  It requires deep cleansing, deep chemicals to get rid of it.  It requires finding our identity in God, soaking ourself with the word.  If we are surrounded by people with pride issues, it is going to impact us and we are going to struggle with pride as well.  Sometimes, we choose to ignore that we have a pride problem.  We justify it by saying that our behavior is part of being someone in authority; or that it isn’t pride, it’s happiness or loving who we are.  When in fact, it’s our own conceit.  By justifying it, pride turns into other sins, and chokes the progress we have made and negates our progress.  In order to get rid of pride, we have to daily remind ourselves to be humble and get in God’s Word.

I don’t know when I started being prideful.  Perhaps it was there all along, perhaps it just developed, but that doesn’t seem to matter anymore.  I know that it roots in my lack of self-confidence, so I would buff myself up to make myself feel better.  I know it roots in that I do a lot of things, yet I forget to include God in it all the time.  I know that my pride has crept into my schoolwork, my relationships with my friends, my relationships with the opposite sex, and my position in church.  I know that in order to fight this, I’m going to have to remind myself every day of humility.  I’m going to have to fight this problem as if I’m fighting dandelions.

If you are reading this, and you have been hurt by my pride and snobbery, I am deeply sorry.  Pray for me to grow and become humble.  I have taken some steps already, but I know that I can’t do this without God and without a community of believers praying for me.

I thought this was a funny tattoo. and appropriate :)

Mirror, Mirror

christianity, god, identity

What if my relationship with the mirror “reflected” my relationship with God?

(hahahaha, I had to make that pun)

I was thinking about this tonight as I was preparing to go out–how many times do you look in the mirror?  When you get up in the morning and get ready, you spend a good thirty or so minutes  in front of the mirror.  When you brush your teeth that two or three times a day, you look in the mirror.  How about each time you use the bathroom, do you check yourself out in the mirror while washing your hands?  Before you leave to go somewhere, quick look in the mirror to make sure there are no blemishes or marks or food on your face?  And even when just passing one of the many mirrors around us, take a look?  Pull out your phone to look after eating to check your teeth?

The point is, we look in the mirror NUMEROUS times throughout the day, even if you are not particularly narcissistic.  You spend a lot of time in it the morning, and probably quite a bit before going to bed at night.  Throughout the day you are continuously interacting with the mirror.  What if our relationship with God was the same?  What if we interacted with God and “checked in” with him all throughout the day instead of compartmentalizing him into one part of the day?

How about this–what if we relied on God like we do mirrors?  When you look in the mirror, do you ever doubt what you see?  What if you thought about God like this?  And when you look to God to give you truth about who you are, whether it’s to affirm your identity or reveal blemishes, how do you react?  Do you believe him and do something about it, or act like the mirror is a funhouse mirror?

I pray that I might spend as much time with God at least as much I do in front of the mirror, and certainly as often.  I pray that I might rely on God like I do mirrors to reflect my divine image and to reveal my blemishes and the areas I’m screwing up in.

My Identity: Affirmation

christianity, identity, testimony
(PS, 50TH BLOG POST! :D)

If you knew who I was before this summer and compared it to me now, you would recognize that I am a completely different person.  Really, I have been constantly reforming my life and personality since my senior year of high school.  The difference this time is, I am truly happy and I credit that to the discovery of who I am.

Freshman year of college, I took a class called Spiritual Formations, and in that class we talked a lot about identity.  This is something that I have been constantly hearing and contemplating on—what am I putting my identity in?  I generally figured that I hadn’t been putting it in Christ.  Well, I have finally realized what I put my identity in.
I put my identity in affirmation from others.  I always have.  Affirmation, for me, comes in forms of attention, gifts, time, and more.  I find that whatever we put our identity in, we become irrational about the subject.  So if a few people couldn’t come to my birthday party because they had the flu, I would decide that they hated me and that I was a piece of crap.  If someone wouldn’t text me back, it’s because they didn’t feel I was important enough to contact.  If someone who called me their close friend didn’t invite me to every single thing they did, it was because they didn’t want to hang out with me.  For some reading this, this might sound irrational and crazy.  To others of you, this is your reality.
I’ve never felt “loved”, not by the world’s standards of love at least.  I was never the most popular or the first pick for anything.  I never felt the kind of love I felt I should get (or honestly deserved to get) from my parents, my friends, or anyone.  So I would whore myself out to get love.  I would put myself at the center of attention to feel affirmed.  Whether it was putting myself into inappropriate positions with boys, fighting hard to become the leader of an organization, or having a temper tantrum to get my parents to notice me, I tried to grant myself love and affirmation.
The thing is, I didn’t have to fight.  I knew where to find love all along.  That’s what drew me to church when I was five.  I realized that just recently.  The one place where I feel loved and affirmed is in my Lord’s arms.  The reason why I’ve been so genuinely happy lately is because my identity and purpose are both finally being fulfilled in my work through the church (that’ll probably be another blogpost, haha).  I finally feel like I mean something to the world, because the Lord is constantly affirming my calling and using people to affirm it too.
Affirmation is a wonderful thing, and I find that I am getting affirmed constantly and more so than when I was seeking it myself.  However, this kind of affirmation is different.  It’s a genuine kind of affirmation that I don’t have to ask for.  When people affirm my beauty, it’s not because I had to dress a certain way to gain it.  When people affirm my work, it’s because I’m working for the Lord and not for myself.  My identity is in the Lord, and any affirmation I gain is because of that identity.  So it really proves to me that my identity is finally in the right place.  I don’t need to whore myself to the world for affirmation.  I sold my life so that I might truly gain it.

Glad I didn’t miss chapel…

college, god, identity, love

Today God really reminded me of how much he loves me.  His love for me is extravagant and just more that I can ever imagine.  His love is more intimate than any other friend’s love for me.  I don’t even choose to be loved by Him, He loves me no matter what.  His love is amazing, and stronger than any other love I have ever known.  It’s overwhelming and enticing.  It’s irresistible.  It’s grace-filled.  It’s mighty.  It covers all of my sin and is greater than all the “good” things I have done put altogether.  It’s not contingent on what others think of me.  It is not dependent on any other factor than God’s mercy.  It’s just…God.  God IS love.

Heather Potter

christianity, identity, testimony

I am like Harry Potter.

Stick with me here.
Harry Potter grew up in an environment where he knew he was different, not just physically. He was teased, made fun of, and his own family was terrible to him. One day somebody tells him that he is actually somebody completely different from what he was being told all along. And so he goes into this new world, trying not to be affected by his past, but also struggling to adjust to the new world. He knows that he belongs to this new world, and it really does make sense! Things are clicking together for him, and life seems to kind of fall into place. He is learning what it means to be this new identity, a wizard, while learning to use his gifts that he was literally born with.
I think you know where I am going here :)
I grew up in this world where I was told that I was worthless, different, and useless. One day I heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and I realized that I am not of the world that I was living in. So I pursue Christ, and mold into the world/worldview of Christianity. I struggle because I don’t understand everything and I am learning everything through experience. But I realize that it makes sense. Everything that I went through in life is consistent with the new identity that I have discovered. And I also realize that I have gifts that make everything fall into place.
No matter what you think of Harry Potter, I’m sure that you can now identify with him :)

Whose Am I?

identity, love

This is kind of a cute story, but as my beautiful friend Cheralynn has been telling me, never discredit the Lord’s work in your life.

Last week, I ran out of yellow highlighter. This was a TRAGEDY for me, hah! I didn’t want to highlight in my book in any other color, especially since I had already started in yellow. When it happened, I was by my friend Eric. I joked with him, “The first guy to buy me a yellow highlighter gets to be my husband. So if anyone wants me, tell them to get me a yellow highlighter!” He laughed and texted someone this, as a joke of course.

A few days later, I look in my pencil box (technically a crayon box, but it holds pencils and such) for my stupid orange highlighter. What do I find? A yellow highlighter! Now, no one can get in my box, because it’s always in my book bag near me. So how did it get there? Automatically, I felt like it was a God-thing.

Now, I’m not saying that God physically put that there. I could have overlooked that highlighter, not known I put it in there (my mom gave me a load of office supplies this summer!). But it was fresh, clean, never-used, and I think that it was God reminding me whose I am. He romanced me by bringing me this silly, insignificant highlighter so that he could prove to me that I’m His and unclaimed by others.

Later that night, I opened my Bible and felt like there was something specific that God wanted to show me. I flipped and flipped, fighting my huge fan that blows like 70 miles per hour wind. Finally, it blew me to Psalm 45:

1My heart overflows with a good theme;
I address my verses to the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
2You are fairer than the sons of men;
Grace is poured upon Your lips;
Therefore God has blessed You forever.
3Gird Your sword on Your thigh, O Mighty One,
In Your splendor and Your majesty!
4And in Your majesty ride on victoriously,
For the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness;
Let Your right hand teach You awesome things.
5Your arrows are sharp;
The peoples fall under You;
Your arrows are in the heart of the King’s enemies.
6Your throne, O God, is forever and ever;
A scepter of uprightness is the scepter of Your kingdom.
7You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You
With the oil of joy above Your fellows.
8All Your garments are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia;
Out of ivory palaces stringed instruments have made You glad.
9Kings’ daughters are among Your noble ladies;
At Your right hand stands the queen in gold from Ophir.
10Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear:
Forget your people and your father’s house;
11Then the King will desire your beauty.
Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him.
12The daughter of Tyre will come with a gift;
The rich among the people will seek your favor.
13The King’s daughter is all glorious within;
Her clothing is interwoven with gold.
14She will be led to the King in embroidered work;
The virgins, her companions who follow her,
Will be brought to You.
15They will be led forth with gladness and rejoicing;
They will enter into the King’s palace.
16In place of your fathers will be your sons;
You shall make them princes in all the earth.
17I will cause Your name to be remembered in all generations;
Therefore the peoples will give You thanks forever and ever.

As I began reading, I was just amazed. I thought to myself, this is the kind of man that I want–gracious, victorious, righteous. After saying that, I realized that it was talking about The King, God. This reminded me, in a time where I really needed it, that no guy could even have my heart unless they were like The King. And man, did I fall in love with God over again! And then towards the end, it talked about how The King desires His daughters’ beauty, that she was all glorious within. This really just warmed my heart and confirmed my highlighter. No man could have my heart unless The King had it first; no man would be able to give me anything that The King didn’t give me first, even if it is a highlighter.
The Lord romances us in interesting ways. Never discredit those ways.

From Depression to Repression to the Lord

depression, identity, testimony

This post is going to reveal my heart in a way that I haven’t really shared with many.

I have been struggling big-time with sharing my emotions. I thought that I was an open person, but it was pointed out to me this summer that I put up a wall. I could share testimonies about my life, give the facts and tell you everything about the story, but I couldn’t tell you how I was feeling about something. When this was brought to my attention, I automatically had a flood of emotions–part of me denied it, I was very open about my life! But I realized it was more than that; I was trying to put up a front and “be strong”, like the things I’ve gone through and struggled with couldn’t still draw emotions from me (especially “negative” emotions).

I thought I was being strong. But in hiding my emotions, I was just as weak as ever.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9)


How amazing is that?

In high school, I was the opposite. I was pretty doggone depressed. I had lost a lot of friends to it. I remember when I came to college, I was depressed and not completely relying on the Lord to be my strength and refuge. There was even a girl here at SBU who sat down with me one day and told me that she couldn’t be my friend, because I was too depressed (obviously I didn’t want her as a friend anyway! In reality, she had to learn about hardship and grow in that; I couldn’t help that she was sheltered and never hurt before!)

After that, I knew I had to be stronger, and I thought that if I was stronger for other people, it would perfect being stronger for myself. Not necessarily true. I put helping others before myself more than ever, became engrossed in ministry, forgot about myself. I thought that I was trusting and relying in God.

Yeah right!
This is what God says:

Psalm 3:3-6
But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the LORD with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah. I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.

Psalm 18:6-7
In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, And my cry for help before Him came into His ears. Then the earth shook and quaked; And the foundations of the mountains were trembling, And were shaken, because He was angry.

Psalm 23:1-4
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears.

Matthew 5:1-4 (Beatitudes)
When Jesus saw the crowds, He went up on the mountain; and after He sat down, His disciples came to Him.
He opened His mouth and began to teach them, saying,
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”


As you can see, God never said, “Forget about your fears and worries, and I’ll make you better.” He said, “GIVE ME your fears and worries, lay them down at MY feet. Cast all your burdens on ME. And I, ONLY I will give you rest.”

So what have I learned?

It’s okay to be hurt.
When I’m hurt, I need to bring it to God.
God WANTS me to.
Only God can comfort me.
Being strong is not being shut up.
Being weak IS being strong.
Repressing feelings is not the cure for depression.

Her Beauty is Her Godliness

identity, love, testimony

Her beauty is her Godliness, and she ain’t gotta flaunt it ’cause it’s obvious!


Those are words from Lecrae’s song “Identity”. I heard these words the other day and thought about it for the first time…how perfect to describe what I’ve been feeling lately! I’ll explain :)

I never really thought of myself as beautiful, but I always knew I wasn’t ugly, even though the world told me different. I was the white girl, the fat girl, the nerdy girl, the unfashionable girl, etc etc. Everybody can relate to this on some level. We grow up watching commercials that tell us we need something more to make us look truly beautiful. Our friends talk about losing weight (or gaining it) all the time. And we feel self-conscious. I think the meanest thing ever done to me (I have never shared this before) was my senior year in high school. We were picking people for Senior Superlatives and this joker thought it would be funny to put my name down for Best Physique and told everyone to do it. Although I didn’t win, and a lot of people told him he was an idiot, I still felt horrible. Ugh. And so I went through life knowing that I don’t fit in to this world’s standards.

I wish someone would have told me sooner that my identity wasn’t in this world, but in Christ. When I got to college this Truth was slowly revealed to me. I learned more and more who Christ was, which made me love Him more and more, and then I found out that my identity was in Him. I realized how beautiful of a creature I was, how unique I was, and how much God loved me. I wasn’t entirely convinced, because I was like, “Well God feels this way about EVERYONE, so I’m not really THAT special.” But I closed my eyes and believed anyway. Thank you Psalm 139.

As I fell more in love with my Savior and my God, I fell in love with myself (not in a conceited way!). I became more confident, and more outgoing. It was easy at SBU to really be myself, because the students and faculty want that very thing from everyone.

I noticed something changing. I was told quite often that I was beautiful. At first I thought people did that to be nice, or because they tell everyone that. But I started receiving unique compliments, or people would tell me privately the growth they have seen in me, and other amazing things. I was being affirmed and encouraged constantly. But I would look in the mirror and say “Why?” There is nothing unique about me–I have a pretty large rear, that’s pretty much it, hah! And I knew that something had changed, it had to! Because it wasn’t just other Christian’s perspectives of me, it was even worldly people who told me that I was beautiful in a non-creepy non-hitting on way. Some of the most beautiful people to me are people who love Christ so much. There is something about them that you just can’t get past! (Kinda reminds me of how in high school, I’d see a guy pray or raise his hands in worship and I would think, “He’s hot!!!”) But seriously, there is this glow and ray of confidence. I can’t quite explain it, but it’s true.

So why am I beautiful? I honestly couldn’t tell you. But I see a direct correlation between the love I have for my Savior and my being beautiful. Yes! I don’t need a slamming body to be beautiful! I don’t need all the latest clothes. I don’t even need to wear makeup sometimes. My beauty is my Godliness…………………imagine when we are in Heaven…..:)