Author: Heather Lea Campbell

My friend wrote me a sonnet…

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Heather’s Sonnet
by Katie Mortimer

I know a gal who makes really cool things
Like entries in blogs and super earrings
And all the world stops to hear when she sings–
It’s Toby and KJ52 that she pings;
She’s prayerfully awesome– to Christ she clings.
We all see she’s pure by her promise rings.
She writes on advice she gets from First Kings,
Going further on other very deep things.
To every convo a question she brings–
Like how we should dance at all our spring flings.
It is ok that her bling makes cha-chings?
Is there aught to learn from the ancient Mings?
But my favorite thing she’s asked from her heart
Was: Is it better to burp or to fart?

Prepare Me

love

I’m about to go all emo on you, so if you don’t want to read about the depths of a young single woman’s heart, don’t continue to read.  I just need to blog it out.

I warned you.

No, really.

Lately I’ve been thinking a LOT about marriage.  I feel like the Lord has prepared my heart to be the heart of a wife and a mother.  In fact, I can’t really think of many things that I desire more than that.  Yet, here I am single.  I know that 21 is a very young age, and that I “don’t need to be worried about getting married”, yadda yadda yah.  But I feel like it’s a part of me already, that I’m going to be those things, even though I’m no where close to getting married (I don’t have a ring on my finger, nevertheless a guy on my arm).

I find a lot of comfort in 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul points out that the different between a married person and an unmarried person is that the married person is not only working to fulfull the desires of God, but their spouse:

32 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; 33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

I hear a lot that God is preparing a husband for me, but I think more now that God is preparing me to be a wife to somebody.  As much as I think my desires are undistractingly for the Lord (yes I made that word up), I am constantly humbled and shown that I still care a lot for the world.  I know this will be a constant struggle for the rest of my life (hence why my life verse is Mark 8:36).  I know that the Lord will bring a me to a man when he finds that my heart can handle balancing the desires for the Kingdom and for my husband…not that the two are completely seperated, but let’s be honest marriages are hard and distracting from God even if you’re a saint.  I mean, Paul said so right there in the Bible (take that as hard evidence!)

Anyway, as discouraged as I am watching my friends get married or in relationships…I remind myself that ultimately my life is to honor and glorify the LORD.  If it’s his will (and I feel it is) it will happen, in His time.

Please just let it be before I graduate in a year.

I mean whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? ;)

I told you this would be girly.

Why the Honeymoon Has to End

church, leadership, youth ministry

I heard repeatedly in my college youth ministry classes that in ministry, there is always this initial “honeymoon” that each minister goes through.  For a few months if you’re good, half a year if you’re lucky, a year if the church has their heads in the clouds just like you…haha.   I didn’t believe it in class, and even had an arrogance to how long I could go before it did.  The honeymoon has to end eventually though.  Why?

1.  Because you’re bound to screw up eventually.
I went 9 months strong before my honeymoon ended.  Every time I messed up, I would “wince” to how harsh the punishment could get.  Like the time we painted our youth room and paint got all over the church…we cleaned it up quickly but you know there is going to be that one kid that talks and tells the wrong person ;).  Or the time I drove on the wrong side of the road (in my defense, it was a country road at midnight, and the youth assured me I was doing the right thing).  But those weren’t what hurt me thankfully, because those are the things that get addressed immediately.  What are the mistakes that get us in trouble?  Lack of communication with parents, with students, with other church leaders.  And yes, the occasionally “dumb” accident like I stated.  We’re human.  We screw up.  We say “crap” to the wrong person and it offends them.  We get a ticket from speeding in the church van.  Someone breaks an arm on the slip-in-slide we made slick with Tide.  It’s bound to happen that we screw up.

2. Because you finally understand the flaws of the ministry you are serving.
The first few months you kind of go through the motions, “try out” some different programs or formats of youth meetings, grow relationships, but most importantly get a grasp of who are the student leaders and who needs the most attention.  You understand why the church or youth group isn’t growing.  You begin seeing why teens come on Wednesday nights and not Sunday mornings.  And these are things that start bothering you inside.  Tension grows between you and whatever aspect of the church/ministry you feel is a hindrance–is it the music? preaching? volunteers? the students? yourself?  These things start piling up, little thing by little thing, and they result in a burn-out.  I know that in my “Christian Ministry Apprenticeship” class, we talked about all kinds of mock situations that would happen in church, and I would boldly say exactly what I would do.  My professor loved my energy and enthusiasm, but called me naive.  I understand why now.  When those situations arise, we rack our brains 24/7 trying to come up with how to solve the solution, how to talk to your pastor or another person about it, etc.  I can rehearse in my head 2340874 times how I want to talk to Church Council about something, but it never comes out the way it sounds in my head.  So sometimes we don’t say it.  And our ministry hurts as a result of our “good intentions” of not hurting others or our paycheck.

3.  Because you are drained…and need a vacation.
Except when you are a minister, you can call it a sabbatical and it makes it sound needed, not just for fun!  People don’t understand how draining ministry can be.  Putting any conflict aside, it’s draining pouring out your life to individuals who frankly don’t care most of the time (especially if you don’t get the response you desire). Burn-out is bound to happen.

Don’t get me wrong, the honeymoon ending stinks.  But it is necessary.  Now that your head is out of the clouds, you can honestly address the needs of the ministry and of the church.

Questions I have for you reading:
How do you address these situations in your church?
What do you do when you are burned out?

Best. Event. Ever.

youth ministry

Being a small youth group rocks.  In the future when I get bummed out because “we’re not as big as first baptist” or other reasons related to our size, I’m going to have to remind myself of this weekend and the success it brought our ministry.

This weekend we had a family camping trip to a nearby camping area.  On Friday afternoon, the ladies and I headed up early to work on our tans, bond, and find our camps.  That evening, two more families joined us.

This was my favorite event by far, not because of numbers or anything like that, but because of the fellowship that was created.  One of the boys kept relishing in the fellowship that camping brings, and he had a huge point.  Camping causes people to work together in order to survive.

The other reason I loved this event was the time I got to spend with parents.  Our little Baptist church has monthly fellowship dinners in which I try to eat with different families, but camping brought more bonding than just our average Baptist potluck.  I got to see how the teenagers and parents interact with each other–their parenting techniques, the way the teens respond to them, and the dynamics of the families as a whole.  I now understand a few of the the teens a whole lot better just by getting to spend a weekend with their families.  The two families that went got to know each other a whole lot better, and pointed out to me that even though they had been in the same church for three years, they have never talked as much as they did just in that one night.

SUCCESS! *ching ching*
(I don’t know that the ching ching noise is for, but let’s roll with it.)

Our ministry is going to be going through some changes here soon, and I think this weekend was an awesome, and needed time to relax, destress, and grow together.  This is true fellowship.  Hopefully we can do something to this effect in the future, where we bring families together in order to grow our ministry.  As I pointed out to one parent, it’s not my duty to just minister to the students, because that just makes me their babysitter.  It’s my duty to minister to the family as a whole.

Judas

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I relate to Lady GaGa’s song “Judas.”

It has received a lot of criticism, obviously because the song is talking about Judas from the Bible.  Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss.  The song says “I’m still in love with Judas.”

What does this mean?   GaGa talks about how even though he betrays her and his “tongue lies through his brain”, she can forgive him over and over again.  And although “Jesus is my virtue, Judas is the demon I cling to.”  I relate to this, and I feel that all Christ-followers should.  I desire to follow Christ, yet I always feel like I’m caught up in sin.  I end up letting it rule me.

Now, I have issues with GaGa.  I’m not suggesting we bring her music into church (“wear an ear condom next time!”).  I’m just saying, I get this song.

“I wanna love You, but something’s pulling me away from You.”

Just a short post that I’ve been meaning to write for a while.

Our Ministry "Halos"

leadership, music, youth ministry

Something I really struggle with in ministry is learning how vulnerable I can be with my students.  As in, how much of my sin do I show them?

I remember a child coming to me last year asking me about Jesus.  I asked her, about 7 or 8 years old, if she did bad things, AKA “sinned.”  She agreed.  I said, “You’re right! You sin, your mom sins, I sin, even your leaders Pam and John sin!” (the leaders of the community center, names changed because frankly I can’t remember them).  She responded with, “Whoaaaaaaaa…”  She didn’t realize that everyone, including people she looked up to, did bad things just like her.

I think our students have forgotten that we, their leaders, sin.  I personally royally screw up daily.  But how much do I tell my students?  How vulnerable do I get with them?

I don’t claim to have all the answers, but here are two things I am learning:

1. You need to be vulnerable.
A few months ago, we were talking one night about anger; how we can’t come before God with a pure heart if we are still angry with a brother or sister.  I was, dare I say “preaching” for a moment, then it hit me:  I had two people in my life that I needed to make amends with.  And I shared this with them.  This really helped me teach.  The next week, I told them the progress I had made, and through my life lesson was able to teach them.  I tell them that I struggle with pride, but that’s a “safe” sin.  What if it’s not a “safe” sin to talk about it the church?  Read on.

2.  They don’t need to know every detail.
I partied in high school.  I consumed alcohol and did not honor my pledge of purity.  How much do I tell them?  What do I say?  Obviously, I don’t tell them what kinds of drinks I thought were tasty, which ones had the worst hangovers, etc.  But what about when it comes to purity?  What do they need to know?  Saying, “Well, I didn’t have sex, but I wasn’t doing what I needed to be doing.”  Then their minds start racing, and their respect for their youth leader, does it vanish?  What do I say?  Sex isn’t one of those things that seems “safe” to talk about in church, especially with a group of teenagers.  But it is so necessary.

3.  We are held to a higher standard.
This is the tough part.  In my last post, I talked about how teenagers thing very concretely; so speeding may be considered an awful sin to one, saying “crap” may be considered a sin, etc.  Basically, if an action is questionable, we shouldn’t do it.  This makes me think about the age-old question: Do we listen to “secular” music in the church van?  What if they realize I know the lyrics?  Do I lose respect?  I’m posing too many questions to answer in this post.  This is also where we remind ourselves that we are LEADERS and not FRIENDS (well, friendly leaders).  They don’t need to see how I know every word to Ke$ha in order to like me.  In fact, I should probably not brag about that right now.  Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.  Some famous dude said that…;)

4.  They need to understand that we are not to be put on a pedestal.
Students need to understand that even their leaders fall into sin.  Period.  I am not perfect.  They need to remember that the only model we have of what it looks like to lead a perfect life is Jesus Christ himself.  Does this justify us leaders to do whatever the heck we want?  Definitely not.  Even the holiest people sin; this shouldn’t discourage us but encourage us to follow the one example we got.  And going back to point 3, we DO need to try to be that example to them, yet we ain’t gonna get it right.

Here is one of my favorite songs that reminds me not to put myself on a pedestal:

Also, I wanted to post a song that I came out when I was in high school.  I LOVED it; it was on my favorite show, One Tree Hill.  It’s called “Halo.” enjoy! :)

As you can see, I by no means have this figured out.  I need help in this.  I’m really struggling.  I need to be respected as a leader, yet I need to relate.  Do I use my own experiences?  What do I say about things?  What about the sin I struggle with now?
Youth pastors, how much do you share with your youth?

What I Wish I Knew…

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A year ago this last week, I embarked in my first paid role in ministry as an intern of a megachurch’s youth ministry.  I was the intern for the high school girls in a ministry of about 250 students.  My job was basically to develop a “core” of 18 ladies into leaders for the student ministry.  I was to do this by leading service projects, hosting pool parties, serving alongside them on a missions trip, being a camp leader, creating and getting HS leaders for a VBS-type thing for the middle school AND hanging out with them twice a week.  I also ended up filling in for a middle school Sunday School teacher.  I was BUSY.  I made some mistakes.  I thought I had it all figured out before I went into that role, but my pride in my education got in the way.  Here is a list of things I wish I knew before I went into this role.


1.  Not everyone wants to be my best friend.
First of all, not all of that 18 girls I was supposed to lead were even there that summer.  And maybe I took that too personally.  There are girls who are used to being the leaders, and do not want another leader “over them”, getting close to “their” friends and “their” followers.  High school girls WILL talk about you behind your back as a leader.  And I acted surprised!  When I remember calling my youth pastor’s wife a highlighter because of the lime green shirt she was wearing, talking about him behind his back.  And I was the student leader (Christian Karma?).  Nobody in high school wants to hang out with their youth leader 72 times a week…it’s just not going to end up well.  Spending so much time with ANYBODY will end in disaster, especially when girls are involved.  I to this day get frustrated when spending mass amounts of time with people, because their flaws jump out at you.  Also, I was the same distance from many of my core as I am from my best friend, who is 4 1/2 years older than me.  Being a leader does not mean being a best friend.

2. Teenagers still think concretely.
I should have listened more in my “Adolescent Development” class.  Teenagers are really struggling with trying to grasp onto ideas that are more abstract.  There are all these false dichotomies going on because of the incapability to reason with ideas that aren’t black and white.  Also, they aren’t going to understand all of my jokes.  I almost made this a whole separate point, but I won’t.  I was frustrated at one point when I said something that was okay in my “college” group of friends to say, but they didn’t understand it.  They thought what I said was terrible, but to me it was funny and okay.  That’s because in college you learn to think abstractly, and especially at my age are almost too abstract.  Also, don’t discuss NT Wright with teens out of the blue.  These kinds of abstract things, while important to discuss, need to be prepared for! (I find myself giggling and rolling my eyes)  When I say “but”, I better really mean that word because that means a disclaimer.  But I snapped out of that.

3.  Don’t make assumptions.
Just because a person has a nice house doesn’t mean they can afford camp.  Strong Christians don’t always go out with who they should or have the relationships they should.  Beautiful girls have just as hard of a time with their identity as those who aren’t so “beautiful.”

4.  My past can hold up my future.
Let’s be honest, I have a heavy past.  But I was too caught up on it.  I made it a block in relating with these upper middle class folks in the suburbs.  Can I relate to getting a car, especially a nice one for my 16th birthday?  Nope. I can’t think of a friend who did.  Do  I understand what it’s like to have seemingly unlimited money to spend on…whatever?  Nope.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t relate at all.  There are girls who don’t have Christian parents.  There are students who have seen drugs ruin their families and friends.  There are girls who go work in the inner-city and have seen what I’ve seen, even if haven’t resided there.  They still get it.  They share the MOST IMPORTANT thing with me–Christ.  Sometimes they made it a big deal that I couldn’t relate, but probably only because I made it a big deal first.  I was glorifying it too much.

5.  I am not into recreational youth ministry.
My internship was almost completely recreational.  My spiritual gift is teaching and administering.  I barely got to use those gifts.  I took a lot from that internship and applied it in terms of recreation, don’t get me wrong.  But when I look back and get frustrated at myself, I remind myself that I wasn’t really using my gifts.  My current ministry has rec, but it is focused on study.  That’s more my thang.

6.  I might be more into women’s ministry.
This is something I have been pondering.  I pledged to follow the Lord’s call for me, wherever that would be. I still think that is with teenagers.  But I have a bigger heart for women’s ministry and specifically teenagers.  They need somebody investing in them.  I saw that in some of the girls I interacted with.  It broke my heart when leaving them that they would no longer have someone investing in them.  Then I saw the leaders I trained rise up and take that place.  That’s another thing I learned: I am an equipper.  This could mean that somewhere along the road, I may equip the next generation of youth ministers.  I would tell them that they do not have it figured out, and never will. Yay!

You know, I would like to change the title. I needed to learn all of this.  I use it now.  I do not share a lot of the same political views with my current youth, but that doesn’t mean we can’t relate.  When they can’t see my way, I shouldn’t get frustrated, but remember where they are in their life.  I can’t make assumptions based off of their house, their car, what they eat, what they look like…and I can’t make my past a road block.  Sometimes it is, like when they talk about agricultural things (I knew one person who hunted in high school, there’s probably only that many down here who DOESN’T hunt–me. ha!).  But we share something greater.  I’m still learning, everyday.  And I need to be.  I have so much to learn from those younger than me.

I know some of the girls from that group read my blog.  I have a few things to say: One, I love you all.  You girls taught me a lot about life–how to have fun, how to serve Christ, how to be relational.  I wasn’t perfect, and neither were you. Thank “The Fall” for that.  But I still think of you often, pray for you, and stalk you on Facebook (that last one is probably the most obvious).  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow as a leader!  And please be gentle on your new intern.  She’s going to be going through a lot the next few months :)

Why I’ve Been MIA

Blogs about Heather

I haven’t written in about a month.  This is very odd for me, because I love writing, love blogging, and use both as a way of sorting my thoughts out.  I’ve had a LOT of thoughts, trust me.  And I have a list of things I WANT to blog about that will probably get cranked out here soon.  I’ve even started writing some of them, I just had to stop and do other things.  So this post is just to highlight my last month, I suppose. We’ll see where it’ll take us ;)

I was very very busy with school. Remarkably busy.  I was very burnt out.  Between exegeticals and projects, and exams…I was tired.  I really didn’t have time for anything else, but made time for my youth, scheduled in some social life, and relied on caffeine. Perhaps too much!  Finals week, nothing seemed to pay off.  I bombed every last one of my finals.  Therefore I ended up with grades that were less than what I hoped.  I ended out okay, and learning that you can not take 18 hours full of Bible and Theology classes, succeed, and be a successful youth pastor all at the same time, nevertheless add a social life beyond that.  I was constantly frustrated, consistently burnt out.

 I am ironically taking Biology in a week, but I am happy about that.  It will give me the opportunity to see people “my own age” here in Bolivar as I spend the summer with youth.  Last week I saw 2 people the whole week my age, and I realized that I am NOT a person of solitude or a person that was created to be alone.  I need community and fellowship too much :).  That being said, I have to prioritize what that is going to look like.  This semester I have made a switch in who I hang out with.  There is a difference in hanging out with Pharisees and participating in Pharisaical behavior.  I ended up participating.  Gossiping is so sickening to me, and I do it so much.  Especially when people who are Christians spend all their time gossiping…It makes me literally sick to my stomach.

Right now I don’t have a job outside of church.  I’m a little in debt because of charging my credit card with gas for a few trips to help my dad move out of my house and going for my best friend’s graduation.  I really do not wish to see it build up interest. oogh.  Just be praying for me in that area.  I have seen God provide time and time again.  I was just an idiot in spending money.

So what am I up to this summer?  I’m going to be a youth pastor and a biology student, as of this point.  I will hopefully score a job and pay off a little of school.  I will relax and remember why I loved ministry, friendship, learning.  I will think about what I’m going to do in a year when I am done with school and have to get a big girl job.  I will knock off some of those new year resolutions.  I will blog like a maniac!  And I will continue growing to Christ’s likeness.

This post is so random, don’t even read it. Oh, too late. My bad.

A letter to SUMMER.

Blogs about Heather

Dear Summer,

I want you more than I have ever wanted you.  I was crazy thinking that I could take 18 hours this semester, including some of the most challenging courses academically and spiritually I will ever take.  I was crazy to put that on top of church work.  I was crazy to take on extra assignments at church and personally.  Then trying to be social with the organizations I am involved in.  I was crazy.

But I did it.  You are 10 days away.  I am going to have great grades, possibly my best semester yet (if I pass that dumb class).  I will keep you at the front of my thoughts, second only to Jesus, as I conquer that dumb class and all of my finals.  We can do this. We can.

Then we can frolic in the fields together.  I can sleep in your arms.  You will give me a glow.  It will be beautiful.  I can read all those books I want to.  I can focus on church.  I can get another job (err…).

We will be beautiful together, you and me.  Wait 10 days for me.  Just 10.  Then our love will increase.  This will be our last time together, as in a year I might have to grow up, and our love won’t exist anymore because a job will have to come before our love.  Gross.

Love,
Heather

Irrational Trust in God?

christianity

I trust in God too much.

Wait, what?

That’s what was brought to my attention this week.  I have been given a LOT to deal with in my short lifetime.  I’m merely a babe of 21, and I have dealt with a lot of things that many will never understand or comprehend.  I’m okay with that.  And I don’t want to glorify that, either.  There have been times (I talked about this a little bit in my last post) where all I had to do WAS trust that God would provide for me.

God is a god for the poor, whether it’s poor monetarily or in spirit.  This is a theme throughout the Bible.  God chooses to love on those who are hurting, those who according to society weren’t the blessed, those who got picked last in dodgeball (it’s biblical ;)).  When I talk to mature Christians about their conversion experiences and times in their life when they began to radically follow Christ, that moment always follows a period of brokenness.  Ben Rector put it in one of his songs that “You don’t need Jesus until you’re here,” meaning, you only need Jesus when you get to that point of brokenness.  Only when you realize there’s that void, only when you realize you need something more, can you realize your need for Christ.  God only calls those who need him.

I pray for brokenness alchl the time.  If I try to do this on my own, I will get prideful and cast God aside. God provides that brokenness, and always provides peace in that brokenness.  I have learned to really trust God in every aspect of my life.  Recently, God told me to believe that he could provide something extraordinary, something that is outside of my comfort zone.  I, knowing my God and knowing that he has always provided, trusted that he could provide even in this radical and irrational situation.  And that’s what someone (a Christian at that) called it–they thought it was irrational for me to believe that God could do this.  Irrational?  Trusting in God to provide?  I’m pretty sure that’s called Christian. Jesus the Christ, when calling his disciples to follow him, called them to leave their nets, their families, their comforts, renounce everything and hate everything in comparison to their love for him.  That sounds like one of the most irrational things I have ever heard.  Yet it makes so much sense.  Following Jesus Christ is irrationally rational.  When Jesus was teaching, nobody thought, “Wow, this guy is making so much sense.”  Everyone was like, “Who is this guy? What is he teaching? This is so different than the way I’ve been doing things.”

I encourage you to think about the way you are following Christ right now.  If it’s easy, then you are doing something wrong (unless you get to a point of ultimate trust, where trusting in God is automatically done without second-guessing…but I doubt that many of us do that).  We are called to live radically and irrationally with our time, with our money, with our talents, and with our love.  I suggest you read Radical by David Platt. It changed my life.  Literally.  I can only say that about a few books.  What this world calls radical, crazy, irrational, is what the Bible calls “Christian.” Check it out and challenge me if I’m wrong.

(as a random note, sometimes I feel like links are my footnotes, as if I’m writing a paper or exegetical. LOL)