Author: Heather Lea Campbell

4 Easy Ways to Build Rapport with Your Senior Pastor

church, Contributions, leadership, youth ministry, youthmin.org

church staff relationships

This article originally appeared on: http://youthmin.org/4-easy-ways-to-build-rapport-with-your-senior-pastor-leadingup/

As a part of YouthMin’s Leading Up series this month, I feel that one of the most important things that you can do to get your supervisor/senior pastor to be willing to learn from you, and in turn, be “led” by you, is to create a great rapport.

Show them your life.

Invite them over to your house for dinner with your crazy family, or invite your family over to their house!  Share life together, and talk about things other than church.  Use your personal hobbies to bless them–can you grill a mean steak or knit a mean sweater? Bless them!  Show them that you have a personality.

When I secured my current position, my supervisor told me that she fell in love with my personality during the interview and knew she had to have me on her team.  Did I have decent credentials? Sure, but what makes us a good team is that we actually like each other.  We talk about our families, our problems, and our successes and celebrate them together.

Find shared ground.

Oh, you like baseball? I love baseball! BAM we’re at a baseball game, drinking 7-dollar Cokes, and cheering on our team. And next week in the office, we will reminisce of how that crazy Cubs fan dumped their beer on us in an angry rage because the Cardinals are the bomb.com.

Memories, people.  Make them!  You don’t like baseball?  Then find things to “geek out” over together–other sports, television shows, exercise, your Molkeskine journals, those hipster shoes, and favorite exegetical techniques.

Invest in their children.

(Joshua Fuentes will talk more about this soon!)

When I ask my supervisor how her son’s football season is going, and even commit to going to a game, it helps our relationship.  I loved mentoring the high school girl of my senior pastor at my last church, and that really did add to the relationship I had with her father.   I even considered dating the adult son of another one of my senior pastors…just kidding.

Be mentored by them or their spouse.

Bonus: You and your spouse are mentored by them and their spouse.  As I said before in 3 other ways, invest in each other.  I am fully convinced that vulnerably and intentionally investing is the only way to build rapport with your supervisor.

What happens when you build good rapport with your supervisor/senior pastor?

The most beautiful thing that will ever happen in ministry:  They will have your back.  They will understand your heart and where you are coming from in ministry.  At my first director position in a church, I came to my senior pastor with a pretty big change in mind.  Because we were invested in each other (common ground: I love to learn and he loves to teach. BAM!), he had my back 100%, even when a few others didn’t.

If you are currently in a position where the relationship is flawed, I don’t think that relationship is permanently doomed.  Try to understand them by investing in them… take out your selfish motives and consider that maybe you aren’t the only person who doesn’t feel like your back is covered.

What do you guys think? How do you build rapport with your supervisor/senior pastor?

Finding Contentment in “The Search”

Blogs about Heather, testimony

A little over a year ago, I quit my ministry position on a “leap of faith” and moved to St. Louis to continue the next part of God’s journey for me, whatever that was.  I sought for a ministry position in STL, but that didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. As I broadened and continued my search, I learned a lot… For one, my theology grew and expanded. For two, I had to begin figuring out what my relationship with God looks like “outside of ministry.” For three, I had to learn that ministry wasn’t just a “church thing,” but that it happens throughout life…being a Minister isn’t the only way to be a minister.

And fourth, I had to learn that God may call me to something, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen just that second. Take Noah, for example. God called Noah to build an ark, and it took many many years before the purpose of the ark took place. I can’t imagine being Noah; this last year drove me crazy, I can’t imagine decades more! I needed to learn to be content in the moment I have right now… and now I value it!  So while getting back into a church doing full-time ministry is my calling and my goal, I am finally in a point of contentment and rest doing life right now. I work towards my goal, but there are things that have to happen within me before I get there.. I think I’m finally ready to get back into churched ministry… and I see my goals getting closer to being accomplished. More on that later… :)

Ahhh… life lessons. Got to love them.

Here’s another one that’s important:

a-life-lesson-to-share_o_781214

hahaha… I had to.

 

What do you do when you get hit on by another minister?

Contributions, women, youth ministry

I had the privilege of guest-posting over on WomenInYouthMinistry.Com! I love this blog and think that it is a great resource for women in youth ministry, especially those who are married with children.

Gina asked me to write a post on saying “no” when a single male minister hits on a single lady minister.  What do you do?  Well, I’ve a teeny bit of experience, but it was quite fun to write!  Here ya go!

http://www.womeninyouthministry.com/2013/07/what-to-do-when-single-guy-ministers.html

The Value of Student Activities in Youth Ministry

church, Contributions, youth ministry, youthmin.org

kids too busy for youth group

This article originally appeared here: http://youthmin.org/youth-group-vs-school-activities/

One of the frustrations that I hear many youth ministers talk about is the fact that their students seem more concerned with extracurriculars than they are youth group or church.

I hear things like:

  • They don’t value God or the church because they miss youth group.
  • They think football is more important on a Friday night than a youth event.
  • They can’t give Jesus just 90 minutes of their time a week.

And I hear you, friends.  I’ve felt like you, and I mean, I still get frustrated.  But I’m a little more empathetic to the students, and here’s why.

Going to youth group doesn’t produce a college scholarship.

That’s blunt, I know.  Yet, with the costs of college, teenagers are trying to do whatever it takes to help pay for it.

Now, there are things that you can do as a youth pastor to help this out:

  • Provide missions opportunities to help them gain community service/volunteer work to put on their resumes. Bonus: make it open to the community of high schoolers and not just your church teens (can you say outreach?).
  • Find a way to have more student leadership positions, so that your students can put that on their resume.
  • Find people within the church who can invest scholarships into some of your teenagers.

I know first-hand that you can be a part of clubs and still be active in church; I participated and was an officer in 8 clubs in high school (I’m crazy, I know); however, I didn’t do sports while in high school, which are mega-time-consuming.  I also know that very few (if any) of your high school students will actually make it to the big leagues… Yet I also know the benefits of being on a team and the skills you can learn from that.  They are valuable skills that I think should be encouraged.

Teenagers need to be able to spread the gospel.

We emphasize to our teenagers about going into their “mission field” to spread the Gospel.  Where else can they spread it?  They can’t exactly spread the Gospel in math class.  There’s lunch period, but other than that there aren’t any real opportunities.

I think we should encourage our teens to get involved in clubs and sports so that they can have opportunities to spread the Gospel in real-life situations.  Otherwise, when they become an adult, their only experiences of sharing the Gospel will be from Missions Projects with their Youth Group.

Jesus isn’t exclusively at youth group.

One of the biggest annoyances to me is when youth pastors say that when a student doesn’t come to youth group, they’re putting their extracurriculars over Jesus. Really?  Are Sunday and Wednesday the only times that Jesus shows up?  And are you really that audacious to say that what you are providing is equivalent to Jesus?

Youth ministry isn’t exclusively at youth group.

Just like Jesus just isn’t on Sundays, neither should you.  We need to learn to reach teenagers on their turf.  

You need to consider the culture.  Honestly, if you live in a football town, why would you put a youth event on a Friday Night?  You should be at the game living life with them and rooting on your student players.  Maybe your students get swamped in the school year and Wednesdays aren’t the right days for you.

Ministry happens at the lunch table, at a baseball game, in a small group, in dodgeball, and in youth group.  It happens in a text conversation, and also in a warm hug.  They may not come to that 90 minute meeting, but is that all you’re offering them?  Small groups and mentors are great alternatives to youth group–just make sure you’re plugging them in and giving them options.

Consider that what you’re offering isn’t more appealing than chess club.

This goes back to culture–what reaches your students?  Maybe that senior girl doesn’t come to Wednesdays because she hates messy games and has no alternative.  Maybe that middle school boy doesn’t come because there are too many girls and he needs a small group of other guys.  You may have to consider that what you have going on isn’t pulling students in, and you may have to be courageous enough to do things differently.

I’m not saying to be “seeker friendly.”  I’m saying be “culturally appropriate.”  Jesus used parables in order to relate the Gospel in a way for people to understand it…and even that went over their heads.  So while you’re not always going to get it right, at least you tried to consider your students and reach them where they’re at.

Now, I get it:  There will be teens to do put up some pretty lame excuses as to why they can’t come. Love on them anyway.

What are some ways that you’ve encouraged your teens to do extracurriculars, but still maintained a healthy youth group presence?

Do You Believe in Soulmates?

girls ministry, women, youth ministry

In May, I posted this post that explains a little bit of what I have been wrestling with, in regards to how we talk to our teenagers about sex, specifically teenage girls. We have played the shame game for long enough, and I want to redirect youth ministry to a more loving and honest approach to the “sex talk.”

One of my friends that I grew up with posted on my personal Facebook page this article: My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate

This article is one I have read before and orates really well the myth behind having a “soul mate.” Too often we tell our teenage girls to just “Wait for God to put that perfect man in your life” (which I already ranted about) or to “Pray for your future soulmate.”

We say these things with good intentions, and I think there are good principles here; but what are we implying?

  • That they WILL get married. Not necessarily true
  • That there is ONE person out there for them. What a tiring search!
  • That their self-worth is found in a man. Absolutely not.

So what are a a few ways things we can do?

If it happens, it happens.

I think that teaching our teenagers (especially girls) that relationships are beautiful and that if they happen, they happen, that’s wonderful. But not necessarily promised.

First Love isn’t the Only Love

I think we need to teach them that the first person they date is not the one; in fact, there are many potential possibilities of the one! There have been men in my life who I honestly could have lived a good, long life with. But that doesn’t mean they are my “soul mate.” And:

There are other fish in the sea.

If you pass up a “good opportunity” in pursuit of something (or someone) else, that opportunity is not lost forever. Of course, popular music and movies would teach you different.  Like I said, I have passed up some opportunities because:

God may still be preparing you. 

I think it’s funny that we pray, “And God, I pray for my future husband that you are preparing for me.“  One day I realized: Maybe it’s me God is preparing for him. Why do we assume it’s the other person who God is working on?  It’s pretty audacious for me to think that I’m the one waiting, when in reality there may be a guy who God has in mind to run into my path soon, but I’m the one who’s not prepared.  Just. Saying.

Re-define “the perfect mate.”

Bust the bubbles of reality. I used to make lists of what my future husband should be like. I wish I could find the Bible Journal from middle (even high) school that had a points system, including:

  • If he loves Jesus +25 points.
  • Attends church every Sunday +25
  • Nice face +10 points.
  • Nice body +10 points.
  • Abs +10 points
  • Taller than me +15
  • Has a sense of humor +15 points.
  • Plays guitar +10 points.
  • Thinks my parents are stupid too +10 points.
  • Smokes -50 points
  • Does drugs -100 points
  • Must have 90 points in order to date me.

I’m not even kidding.

But as I get older— do I really care that he’s not the best at writing with perfect grammar? Okay, let’s skip that one. But does he HAVE to be over six feet tall? I’m pretty short as it is. Why do I care about things that don’t honestly matter?  What do perfect abs have to do with anything; we’re all gonna get fat when we get old anyway.

All I’m sayin’ is:

Let’s be realistic and honest with our teenagers. Let’s not shame them into thinking that they HAVE to date or have relationships with the opposite sex in one, concrete way. Live life with them, let them experience what marriage is like by having married couples invest in them, and let them see that singleness is not for ugly people and creepers who are miserable.

If this stuff isn’t true, then I am one sad, miserable, 23 year old and I should invest in some cats, liposuction, and therapy.

When You’re At a Loss.

Contributions, depression, youth ministry, youthmin.org

ministry loneliness

This post originally appeared here.

I checked the stats on my personal blog the other day, you know, to see if my 12 followers were interacting with it.

I saw that someone found my blog using this search term:

I don’t know what our ministry is about anymore.

I just broke.

What a humbling reminder of the brokeness we feel in ministry sometimes.

And honestly, what do I even say to this?

Ministry is tough, and I’ve concluded that it is because your heart is involved.  There are tons of careers that are difficult and have hard moments, but most of them are jobs you can leave at work.  Ministry is something you take home with you, something that keeps you up at night.  So it makes sense that you will feel this way at one time or another.

I can tell you to do the obvious:

  • Talk to someone about how you feel.  If you get to a point where you are just questioning the entire ministry, you need some help.  Find a mentor, a Christian counselor, or someone who is just a heck of a lot wiser than you are. 
  • Talk to your senior pastor/supervisor.  Get their vision and wisdom.
  • Take a sabbatical or a super-long-sabbath and just breathe.  Pray.

I was completely lost a few months back.  I went to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference and attended theEverybody’s Urban sessions; I was at a loss with my at-risk teenagers and didn’t know what to do anymore.  I talked toLeneita Fix after the session, practically drowning her in my tears.  She quoted my favorite passage, a passage I’ve come to countless times when I’m discouraged:

I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.  The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. 1 Corinthians 3:6-7

…and then said the most brilliant thing to me:

Sometimes we don’t even plant the seeds.  We may have to dig the rocks out of the soil, to prepare it for the seeds.

Even if you don’t see growth, that may not be your duty.  Some of us have to prepare the path for our teenagers and our ministry—dig out the rocks of apathy and programs that don’t work and leaders that don’t quite cut it. Some of us have to work in our teens’ lives simply to help them dig out the junk that’s in it.  Through this, you (or someone else) will be able to plant the seed and water it. And, when it’s God’s time, that student and ministry will grow.

I wish I had more to say, yet to be honest, this is one of those things that just needs prayer and time.  Words can’t express how much I care for this network of youth ministers, and I pray for you guys daily.  Be encouraged and hold fast.

A Year of Biblical Womanhood

book review, women

I first found out about Rachel Held-Evans from a pastor I was talking with about potentially serving in his church.  I stalked his Twitter page and clicked on every article he tweeted about, and quite a few were about her.  I figured she was worth checking out.  Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what to think.  Her theology wasn’t exactly like mine, but her approach towards people was.  And although I couldn’t agree with her on doctrine, I appreciated her heart and was drawn to her.  She was my dirty liberal secret.

I first read about her new book “A Year of Biblical Womanhood” on some of the other sites I read on a daily basis, sites that are far more conservative.  They pointed out many flaws in her book and in her theology, and some of their remarks made me angry. As a female youth minister in a conservative denomination, I daily struggle with my identity as such. I struggle with remarks made about my gender, even if they are “joking.”  I struggle with being a woman, period, sometimes.  I even struggle with some of the expectations that are in the Bible about women, even though I have always thought of myself who takes the Bible pretty seriously and literally.  Yet many within my congregation who would say that same thing would also say that I don’t belong as a youth leader.

I felt like, because of Rachel’s “liberal” views on certain topics, her book wasn’t given a chance.  I had friends, upon hearing of me reading the book, messaging me links to popular conservative sites, sending me scriptures “condemning” her, and asking me to reconsider inarguable things simply because Rachel said them.

Truthfully, the conservatives reacted very ironically.

Rachel’s book is all about taking the Bible seriously–looking at ALL of the scriptures on what it means to be a woman, and not just pick the ones we like.  Yet many conservatives picked apart her book and found the parts that showed her “liberal” theology*, her literal acting out of the Bible, and her precious vulnerability as comical, depreciating the Bible, and a slap on baby Jesus’ face.

Now look, I don’t agree with it all.  It is kind of weird to me when a lady calls her husband “master” just because the Bible mentioned in like once. But then again, there are other scriptures that we follow and they only said them once too.  Rachel wasn’t making a mockery out of scripture, neither was she saying the Bible wasn’t God-inspired or trustworthy.  Rachel was trying to get her readers to understand that when we look at scripture, we have to consider the cultural and historical contexts.  When we don’t, that is making a mockery of scripture. And you can’t argue with that, as that’s day one of Hermeneutics 101.

Another thing Rachel did for me in this book is soothe my sometimes-crazy tries of trying to be this “biblical” woman.  I don’t have to act out every part of Proverbs 31 in order to be a woman of God.  If I can’t/don’t bear children, I won’t lose my salvation. My primary responsibility is to not preoccupy my time with trying to be a woman of God, but a child of God.  My womanhood is certainly something to be celebrated, but it’s not solely my identity.

As a leader within the Christian church, I’m applying this in so many ways.  I’m comfortable with my theological understanding that I can lead teenagers. The conservative in me admittedly still shouts against woman senior pastors, but I am comfortable with my theology for youth ministry.

It bothers me that so many people can have such strong views against a book that says “I don’t have all the answers.”  Rachel is transparent and shares her struggles and meltdowns. Any woman can relate.  But Rachel is solid in her exegesis.

*By the way, Rachel considers herself as an Evangelical.

This is Love.

Blogs about Heather, love, testimony

I found this on Facebook the other day and was thinking… NAILED IT!

Just in case you can’t read that…

What is Love? By Emma K. Age 6.

Love is when you’re missing some of your teeth

but you’re not afraid to smile

because you know your friends will still love you even though some of you is missing. <3

I have thought about this quite a bit lately, actually.  I’ve been thinking about my own journey to the Lord, and how I consistently tried to prove to him how “unworthy” I was, especially for ministry.  No matter what sin I committed to make him “not love me” anymore, he showed me so much grace that I knew he would love me, flaws and all. Read Monday’s post if you want more on that ;)

I also thought about how blessed I am to have friends who mutually love each other, without conditions. It doesn’t matter the miles between us, the time that passes, or the sass that is bound to happen… we love each other, flaws and all. Even when parts of us are hurt (even by each other at times) we’ve learned to love regardless.

Gahhh. Fantastic.

And of course: I’m blown away she knows the difference between “you’re” and “your” at the age of 6. Take some lessons, friends. ;)

Truth Seekers

media, music

Okay, so maybe I’m overreacting… but today I was looking in the top albums on Google Play Music, and I noticed a trend in album titles.  I then went to iTunes and got a better list:

  • Magna Carta…Holy Grail by JAY Z
  • Don’t Look Down by Skylar Gray
  • Yeezus by Kanye West
  • Born Sinner by J. Cole
  • The Gifted by Wale

That’s just in the top 6. Thank you Ciara for the self-titled album to mix things up. Oh, wait, you’re explicit.

Other Top Album titles that are popular include religious references as well (my favorite title is (The Devil put Dinosaurs Here by Alice in Chains…made me chuckle), and that’s before you even click on the song lists of those albums.

I’m not going to go on a rant about “devil music” or “post-post-post-modernism” and “false prophets.” I think that many people are more gifted than I in spreading those messages when appropriate. I also don’t think it’s a “new thing” that secular music uses some religious themes in its music.

I’m just going to say one simple thing: The world is watching Christianity and religion in general.  They have something to say, too.  And they are also watching our responses.

One more thing: seek out truth for yourself in scripture.

Last week we encouraged our high school girls small group, when reading chapter 5 of Crazy Love, to go into the Gospels, drop our predispositions, and read about Jesus for ourselves.  The group will discuss what we discover, and frankly, I’m pumped.

Don’t listen to popular media or even what your church/pastor “pass down” to you. Seek it out using only red letters.